the invasion of Canada
Episode #9
that which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger
I have said it before and I will say it again, nature... wants to kill you. It realizes that it had to let you into the world, but that doesn't mean it has to let you stay. It is working hard each and every day to remove you from the masses for no other reason than it has nothing else better to do. As a species, we have learned how to foil much of nature's greatest attempts - weather, poison, predators, gravity - and we have thrived in our accomplishments and overcome, or learned how to deal with, most of the methods of mother nature's blood lust. There are still some moments where she gets lucky and catches one of us off guard, but I think we can just play those off as sacrifices for a greater good. ( I will admit to have being fascinated by someone getting hit by lightning and dying - how odd is that?)
What is troubling is our own species making attempts to kill off one another. It's not enough that we have to worry about floods, lightning, mudslides, tsunamis, high winds, earthquakes, killer bees, killer penguins (oh yes, it's true, they're rare, but deadly!) Now we have to concern ourselves with death from the other passengers in the lifeboat. And I am not talking about the guns, knives, premeditated murder stuff, I am talking about the cruelty and the inhumanness of modern, cheap over the counter medicines.
In Canada there is a nationalized system of health care that works for some and fails the rest. It's a great idea and you wish you could see it work as it makes sense to have this sort of system in place in every country. Everyone gets health care, just for being here and that's good. Sadly, the offerings for reasonable health care are slim and most people are left to their own devices to cure themselves for most problems. In this country that commonly sees well-below-zero temperatures, getting sick is pretty much a given. Canadians, ( a sub group of the species) have learned to adapt to their surroundings and not let mother nature take them quietly. When you get a cold in Canada, you really have a COLD, and it can be deadly. The Canadian health care system, for all of it's best intentions, kills more people than it helps. This could explain why a country that is three times the size of America, has only 33 million people. Canadians, having watched many of their countrymen and women die foolishly, have invented some rather interesting methods of self preservation. They really had no choice in the matter, it was either get sick and die in the waiting room of the hospital or figure out some way to cure the problem at home. They strike at the problem with a serious one-two punch - Fisherman's friend cough drops and Buckley's coffee syrup. If there was ever a way to measure the strength of a society, it should be in the things that they put in their body to make it stronger. Fisherman's friend cough drops are the most potent cough drop in the world and are the equivalent of putting a whole axle seltzer tablet in your mouth and just skipping the step where you put it in water first. It's harsh, but effective and it has changed the dialect of Canadian English to what we know it as today. If you had a tickle in your throat before, there's no doubt that you will not have that tickle after you swallow one of these, however, there is slight chance that you won't have parts of your throat. Buckley's, on the other hand, is pure evil - liquidified. It shouldn't be legal and I would imagine its being used in Cuba to interrogate prisoners of war. It's bad. Effective - but bad. The best way to describe this elixir is to say, "liquid air freshener". It's pure pine forest magic. Just one spoonful and every foreign body in your system is destroyed. I'm sure parts of your internal organs go with them, we'll never know as no one has ever taken enough of this stuff to see. The mix of both Fisherman's friend and Buckleys could most likely burn a hole in titanium.
It's amazing that a simple thing like cough syrup could be so deadly and helpful at the same time. It's truly the nastiest thing I have ever tasted and I dare anyone to drink a full bottle. You would probably never be sick again and I'm sure it's can cure AIDS if you drank two full bottles. Three bottles and it could probably bring people back to life. It's that effective. I was dared to taste it once on stage, it ended my show and the rest of my evening.
The tour winds down on Sunday and I am headed home for a much needed rest. I do have shows next weekend, but they are close to home and I can get a jump start on my recovery plan. I am terribly out of shape and haven't even seen a gym in two months. I am hoping that if I open two cans of spinach and eat them whole that I will somehow return to my former glory, but I know it's going to require more. Perhaps Buckley's make a spinach....
that which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger
I have said it before and I will say it again, nature... wants to kill you. It realizes that it had to let you into the world, but that doesn't mean it has to let you stay. It is working hard each and every day to remove you from the masses for no other reason than it has nothing else better to do. As a species, we have learned how to foil much of nature's greatest attempts - weather, poison, predators, gravity - and we have thrived in our accomplishments and overcome, or learned how to deal with, most of the methods of mother nature's blood lust. There are still some moments where she gets lucky and catches one of us off guard, but I think we can just play those off as sacrifices for a greater good. ( I will admit to have being fascinated by someone getting hit by lightning and dying - how odd is that?)
What is troubling is our own species making attempts to kill off one another. It's not enough that we have to worry about floods, lightning, mudslides, tsunamis, high winds, earthquakes, killer bees, killer penguins (oh yes, it's true, they're rare, but deadly!) Now we have to concern ourselves with death from the other passengers in the lifeboat. And I am not talking about the guns, knives, premeditated murder stuff, I am talking about the cruelty and the inhumanness of modern, cheap over the counter medicines.
In Canada there is a nationalized system of health care that works for some and fails the rest. It's a great idea and you wish you could see it work as it makes sense to have this sort of system in place in every country. Everyone gets health care, just for being here and that's good. Sadly, the offerings for reasonable health care are slim and most people are left to their own devices to cure themselves for most problems. In this country that commonly sees well-below-zero temperatures, getting sick is pretty much a given. Canadians, ( a sub group of the species) have learned to adapt to their surroundings and not let mother nature take them quietly. When you get a cold in Canada, you really have a COLD, and it can be deadly. The Canadian health care system, for all of it's best intentions, kills more people than it helps. This could explain why a country that is three times the size of America, has only 33 million people. Canadians, having watched many of their countrymen and women die foolishly, have invented some rather interesting methods of self preservation. They really had no choice in the matter, it was either get sick and die in the waiting room of the hospital or figure out some way to cure the problem at home. They strike at the problem with a serious one-two punch - Fisherman's friend cough drops and Buckley's coffee syrup. If there was ever a way to measure the strength of a society, it should be in the things that they put in their body to make it stronger. Fisherman's friend cough drops are the most potent cough drop in the world and are the equivalent of putting a whole axle seltzer tablet in your mouth and just skipping the step where you put it in water first. It's harsh, but effective and it has changed the dialect of Canadian English to what we know it as today. If you had a tickle in your throat before, there's no doubt that you will not have that tickle after you swallow one of these, however, there is slight chance that you won't have parts of your throat. Buckley's, on the other hand, is pure evil - liquidified. It shouldn't be legal and I would imagine its being used in Cuba to interrogate prisoners of war. It's bad. Effective - but bad. The best way to describe this elixir is to say, "liquid air freshener". It's pure pine forest magic. Just one spoonful and every foreign body in your system is destroyed. I'm sure parts of your internal organs go with them, we'll never know as no one has ever taken enough of this stuff to see. The mix of both Fisherman's friend and Buckleys could most likely burn a hole in titanium.
It's amazing that a simple thing like cough syrup could be so deadly and helpful at the same time. It's truly the nastiest thing I have ever tasted and I dare anyone to drink a full bottle. You would probably never be sick again and I'm sure it's can cure AIDS if you drank two full bottles. Three bottles and it could probably bring people back to life. It's that effective. I was dared to taste it once on stage, it ended my show and the rest of my evening.
The tour winds down on Sunday and I am headed home for a much needed rest. I do have shows next weekend, but they are close to home and I can get a jump start on my recovery plan. I am terribly out of shape and haven't even seen a gym in two months. I am hoping that if I open two cans of spinach and eat them whole that I will somehow return to my former glory, but I know it's going to require more. Perhaps Buckley's make a spinach....
posted by Daniel Loomis | 10:48 AM
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