the invasion of Canada
Episode #4
daniel day in danada
The good news of the day is the only part of the day anyone cares for. You can spend hours sifting through the moments of your day trying to figure out what part of the day was the good news. Some days, the news is great and worth appreciating, like, getting laid or finding money. But some days you have to create the good news out of a pot of shit, like, at least you'll be able to walk again or thank god it's not life in prison. That kind of thing.
My good news of the day: I got a full night's sleep. YES! I know.. I know. It's true. I went to bed early and got up late, just like normal people do. No middle of the night morning show for me, I got the whole night. Eventually I am going to figure out what it is exactly that is causing this and have is cut out of my body but, for now, I have to admit I am getting used to my new sleeping pattern.
Especially today.... The day of days.
The Daniel Day elephant came through my wall, like he does every year, and left me my Daniel Day lump of poo while I was sleeping. I have never seen the elephant and I'm sure that he's probably fictional and just some story my parents told me to justify their late night drinking accidents, but it's nice to carry the belief on that he is real and that everyone wakes up to a huge lump of poo on their coffee table.
I am filled with Daniel Day bliss for I know that all over the world today there are people rejoicing and celebrating and singing Daniel Day carols. They are spending time with loved ones and being merry. Exchange your gifts, get your groove on, but be careful.
For me, the day starts with my favorite breakfast of some peanut butter toast and hot coffee. The whole time I am preparing and eating my breakfast I am casually singing my favorite Daniel Day song to get into the mood for the upcoming events of the day.
I love myself... I want you to love me...
Munch, munch, munch.
When I'm down... I want you above....
Sip.
When I think about you...
Munch, munch, munch.
I have a Daniel Day parade to attend a little later this morning, which is followed by a Daniel Day orgy and then an evening of galas and fund raisers (for the children). I have on my traditional Daniel Day lederhosen and feathered cap and I am ready to cut a rug with some Daniel Day revelers. Thank the gods that I got a full night's sleep otherwise I wouldn't make it through all this craziness.
It's hard to open all these presents that people keep giving me. Even though I'm in Canada, I am receiving packages every five minutes via FedEx and the room I'm in is floor-to-ceiling tokens of love and affection. Bonnie in Missouri sent me a quilt with my face embroidered on it. Not a great likeness, but it's the thought that counts. Tim and his wife from Walla Walla baked me cookies because they didn't read my post about not sending cookies. Each cookie is shaped like me with frosting applied to each one to make my face appear to be smiling. Carol in Edmonton sent me some pornographic photos of herself having sex with a man who's face has been covered with a cut and pasted photo of mine. I look well hung. Marcus sent a Vandals CD because he is wise. Voltaire and his girlfriend, Succubus, sent me vials of their blood and what appears to be the heart of Voltaire. Oh those crazy kids. Nikki sent me socks. She's an ex, they do that. Thank you all. I really do appreciate it. Of course, this is year number four without a live human sacrifice... Not very smart... You wouldn't want to wake the resting gods and have them shake the oceans and send winds, waves and rain down upon the world's coast lines, do you?
But that is later.... Now, the sun is shining, the weather has turned unnaturally warm and risen to a comfy 40 degrees. Even the weather is rejoicing in this day. You can hear it singing in the warm winds, "I love myself... I want you to love me." I like Daniel Day, so does the weather and everyone else. It's nice to see so many people out there holding hands, skipping, appreciating life and looking forward to another year full of "the best parts of the days". I know that Daniel Day is only one day a year, but if you hold it in your heart, it can be every day and it can be the best part of your day. It can be June and you may be having a terrible day, but you can say to yourself, "Hey! It's only six months to Daniel Day." and you'll feel better.
I need to get going. If I don't stretch, I won't make it to the end of the orgy. There is just nothing more embarrassing than having to bow out after six hours because of a leg cramp. I hope they have food at this one.. just not pulled pork.
daniel day in danada
The good news of the day is the only part of the day anyone cares for. You can spend hours sifting through the moments of your day trying to figure out what part of the day was the good news. Some days, the news is great and worth appreciating, like, getting laid or finding money. But some days you have to create the good news out of a pot of shit, like, at least you'll be able to walk again or thank god it's not life in prison. That kind of thing.
My good news of the day: I got a full night's sleep. YES! I know.. I know. It's true. I went to bed early and got up late, just like normal people do. No middle of the night morning show for me, I got the whole night. Eventually I am going to figure out what it is exactly that is causing this and have is cut out of my body but, for now, I have to admit I am getting used to my new sleeping pattern.
Especially today.... The day of days.
The Daniel Day elephant came through my wall, like he does every year, and left me my Daniel Day lump of poo while I was sleeping. I have never seen the elephant and I'm sure that he's probably fictional and just some story my parents told me to justify their late night drinking accidents, but it's nice to carry the belief on that he is real and that everyone wakes up to a huge lump of poo on their coffee table.
I am filled with Daniel Day bliss for I know that all over the world today there are people rejoicing and celebrating and singing Daniel Day carols. They are spending time with loved ones and being merry. Exchange your gifts, get your groove on, but be careful.
For me, the day starts with my favorite breakfast of some peanut butter toast and hot coffee. The whole time I am preparing and eating my breakfast I am casually singing my favorite Daniel Day song to get into the mood for the upcoming events of the day.
I love myself... I want you to love me...
Munch, munch, munch.
When I'm down... I want you above....
Sip.
When I think about you...
Munch, munch, munch.
I have a Daniel Day parade to attend a little later this morning, which is followed by a Daniel Day orgy and then an evening of galas and fund raisers (for the children). I have on my traditional Daniel Day lederhosen and feathered cap and I am ready to cut a rug with some Daniel Day revelers. Thank the gods that I got a full night's sleep otherwise I wouldn't make it through all this craziness.
It's hard to open all these presents that people keep giving me. Even though I'm in Canada, I am receiving packages every five minutes via FedEx and the room I'm in is floor-to-ceiling tokens of love and affection. Bonnie in Missouri sent me a quilt with my face embroidered on it. Not a great likeness, but it's the thought that counts. Tim and his wife from Walla Walla baked me cookies because they didn't read my post about not sending cookies. Each cookie is shaped like me with frosting applied to each one to make my face appear to be smiling. Carol in Edmonton sent me some pornographic photos of herself having sex with a man who's face has been covered with a cut and pasted photo of mine. I look well hung. Marcus sent a Vandals CD because he is wise. Voltaire and his girlfriend, Succubus, sent me vials of their blood and what appears to be the heart of Voltaire. Oh those crazy kids. Nikki sent me socks. She's an ex, they do that. Thank you all. I really do appreciate it. Of course, this is year number four without a live human sacrifice... Not very smart... You wouldn't want to wake the resting gods and have them shake the oceans and send winds, waves and rain down upon the world's coast lines, do you?
But that is later.... Now, the sun is shining, the weather has turned unnaturally warm and risen to a comfy 40 degrees. Even the weather is rejoicing in this day. You can hear it singing in the warm winds, "I love myself... I want you to love me." I like Daniel Day, so does the weather and everyone else. It's nice to see so many people out there holding hands, skipping, appreciating life and looking forward to another year full of "the best parts of the days". I know that Daniel Day is only one day a year, but if you hold it in your heart, it can be every day and it can be the best part of your day. It can be June and you may be having a terrible day, but you can say to yourself, "Hey! It's only six months to Daniel Day." and you'll feel better.
I need to get going. If I don't stretch, I won't make it to the end of the orgy. There is just nothing more embarrassing than having to bow out after six hours because of a leg cramp. I hope they have food at this one.. just not pulled pork.
posted by Daniel Loomis | 9:03 AM
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