my christmas list
For everyone out there that is thinking about buying me a Daniel Day present or a lesser important, Christmas present, I would like to break tradition and tell you what you want to buy me and save you the trouble of guessing or worse, guessing wrong and incurring my wraith. I know this is rather uncouth and a serious no-no for holiday etiquette, but I think it's important to be clear about what you want and ask for things directly if you ever hope to get what you want. I think too many people rely on the "oh, they know me well enough. They will get me what I want" attitude and are greatly surprised and let down by the garbage that they ultimately receive. You only have yourself to blame if you get gifts that you don't want from loved ones. Believing that people have any idea of your inner-most desires is a pretty shaky foundation on which to build your Christmas booty-must have list. People have no idea of what you really want and they are not allowed to ask directly (they have to ask in passive-aggressive ways) OR these people know what you want better than you do, which is scary, especially when you hate what it is that you didn't even know you wanted. Isn't that a scary thought - You don't like yellow, but everyone thinks the vitamin-pee yellow sweater you're mother gave you fits your personality perfectly and they also think you're sexy in it. That should keep you drinking large quantities of wine well into your 60's.
Make a list. Set it in stone. Find out prices, stores, salesmen's names, isle numbers, hours of operation, phone numbers and addresses. Mapquest the fastest, easiest and most scenic routes from their houses to the stores in question. If the gift is expensive, have credit applications filled out for them in advance. Don't leave anything to chance. The lazy person that wants a VW Bug will get a Kia Spectrum if they don't take the appropriate steps. Ever asked for something and NOT get it? Then you know what I am saying here.
I realize that it's wrong to TELL someone what to get you. But if they are going to buy you something in the first place, then why should they waste their money on something you don't want? Isn't it your responsibility to let the person know what it is that you DO want so they don't waste powerful time and needed money? I think so. So, with that in mind... Here's my wish list for Daniel Day and Christmas presents.
1. Money and loads of it.
It's helpful to have this around in large quantities and, sadly, they don't sell it in bulk at Costco. So if you're out and about and should happen upon a huge chunk of cash, wrap it up and slap my name on it.
2. Plane ticket to London.
Nothing to serious. Just a first class ticket. (Round trip) Out of Seattle near the end of April. This is where a lot of cash from the holidays will be best used. I will send postcards.
3. A good pair of running shoes.
Sounds foolish, but I am burning through these things at a pace of one pair every six months. Size 11 EE. Thanks. Something in gray, orange and blue will work nicely.
4. A massage.
How many people giving me this massage is completely up to you. (see I can be somewhat flexible in these requests) I have needs. Urges really and they need to be worked out.
5. Tattoo.
I can never have enough of these and again, I am flexible about how does the work and how long it will take.
6. The Olsen twins.
This may not sound like the gift that keeps on giving, but I have needs. Urges really. It's not what you think it is. I am purely interested in conversation with both of them.
7. Peace on earth.
This is more of a secondary smaller gift that I could care less if I get or not. But I thought I should put it out there for anyone that didn't want to spend a lot of money on me this year. (Cheap bastards)
8. A decent cell phone.
Verizon, for all of it's power and glory, has shit cell phones. Nothing with a camera. Non flip would be a nice change of pace.
9. Money.
I can not stress enough how much I enjoy this stuff. I could eat it everyday. I could smear it all over the Olsen twins and just eat it off their stomachs, while talking on my new cell phone, wearing my new shoes on a flight to London. Damn!... That is some good stuff!
10. A guitar.
For reasons too sentimental to note. BUT... It should be either a Yamaha, a Martin, A Seagull or money.
11. A nice motorcycle.
Nothing new. Something circa 1965-1980.
That should do it. A complete list of what I want to make the world of Daniel a better place for me to live. I don't want you to think of this as begging or pandering or demanding. NO. I want you to think of this as "the season of giving" and all that other holiday, blah, blah, blah B.S.
Make a list. Set it in stone. Find out prices, stores, salesmen's names, isle numbers, hours of operation, phone numbers and addresses. Mapquest the fastest, easiest and most scenic routes from their houses to the stores in question. If the gift is expensive, have credit applications filled out for them in advance. Don't leave anything to chance. The lazy person that wants a VW Bug will get a Kia Spectrum if they don't take the appropriate steps. Ever asked for something and NOT get it? Then you know what I am saying here.
I realize that it's wrong to TELL someone what to get you. But if they are going to buy you something in the first place, then why should they waste their money on something you don't want? Isn't it your responsibility to let the person know what it is that you DO want so they don't waste powerful time and needed money? I think so. So, with that in mind... Here's my wish list for Daniel Day and Christmas presents.
1. Money and loads of it.
It's helpful to have this around in large quantities and, sadly, they don't sell it in bulk at Costco. So if you're out and about and should happen upon a huge chunk of cash, wrap it up and slap my name on it.
2. Plane ticket to London.
Nothing to serious. Just a first class ticket. (Round trip) Out of Seattle near the end of April. This is where a lot of cash from the holidays will be best used. I will send postcards.
3. A good pair of running shoes.
Sounds foolish, but I am burning through these things at a pace of one pair every six months. Size 11 EE. Thanks. Something in gray, orange and blue will work nicely.
4. A massage.
How many people giving me this massage is completely up to you. (see I can be somewhat flexible in these requests) I have needs. Urges really and they need to be worked out.
5. Tattoo.
I can never have enough of these and again, I am flexible about how does the work and how long it will take.
6. The Olsen twins.
This may not sound like the gift that keeps on giving, but I have needs. Urges really. It's not what you think it is. I am purely interested in conversation with both of them.
7. Peace on earth.
This is more of a secondary smaller gift that I could care less if I get or not. But I thought I should put it out there for anyone that didn't want to spend a lot of money on me this year. (Cheap bastards)
8. A decent cell phone.
Verizon, for all of it's power and glory, has shit cell phones. Nothing with a camera. Non flip would be a nice change of pace.
9. Money.
I can not stress enough how much I enjoy this stuff. I could eat it everyday. I could smear it all over the Olsen twins and just eat it off their stomachs, while talking on my new cell phone, wearing my new shoes on a flight to London. Damn!... That is some good stuff!
10. A guitar.
For reasons too sentimental to note. BUT... It should be either a Yamaha, a Martin, A Seagull or money.
11. A nice motorcycle.
Nothing new. Something circa 1965-1980.
That should do it. A complete list of what I want to make the world of Daniel a better place for me to live. I don't want you to think of this as begging or pandering or demanding. NO. I want you to think of this as "the season of giving" and all that other holiday, blah, blah, blah B.S.
posted by Daniel Loomis | 11:59 AM
<< Home