bell ringer
I have been in a trance since my return to the US, and I can barely remember a thing from my weekend, the holiday or the days leading up to it. I can say that I am missing out on some much needed and loved sleep and I think that is making matters worse. Every time I try to lay down to rest, some issue that I have neglected for the past month rears up it's ugly head and I can't get it out of mine. This prevents me from sleeping or it only allows me to sleep for an hour at a time and I am going nuts.
This past week I slept for a total of 30 hours. I counted. A full week - 30 hours of sleep. The waking hours in between I have spent roaming the earth as a zombie and I think I actually performed 5 shows at some point. I know I met a few of my long time readers and I know that I bought tires for my car. But that's about all I can remember.
Today, the tires needed aligning and I went in town to get it done. Not being one to enjoy the smell of rubber tires in abundance, I stepped outside of the tire store to wait for my car. It was cold outside, but I didn't care. I was in a daze and I could not have counted to three if you paid me. I never realized just how terrible it feels to stare off in no particular direction for a long period of time and to realize it that you're doing it and not being able to do anything to stop it. It's horrifying. Then, amid the chaos of the moment, a bell rang. A consistent little chime that never broke it's rhythm. I could tell from the volume level that it wasn't a large bell, but it was large enough to be heard at a distance. If I had been able to break my gaze, I could have turned and looked to see what all the rompous was, but when you're lost, you're lost. Then, for some reason, I woke up. That clanking bell just snapped me out of my funk and suddenly I was aware of everything that I had missed out on over the past week - Thanksgiving, Tacoma, Comedy. And the first thing I could think to do at that moment was count to four.
I have been out of it for a long time and I have been saved by a Salvation Army bell ringer. Some lonely old man in front of a tire store that is freezing his ass off ringing a bell so people will acknowledge him with a few pennies in his bucket. He... He is my savior. I'm sure if you could have seen me at that moment you would have seen a stream of little floating black beads flying out of my mouth into the air above me. They danced for a bit and then disappeared in to nothingness. Sadly, the worst place in the world to regain consciousness is in front of a tire store in the cold of November. And the situation was only made worse by my apparent lack of early morning fashion-sense which was reflected back to me in the large picture window behind the bell ringer. I am not looking very fresh or very sane.
The days I have left are in short supply and my time with my brother is dwindling down as the tour of Canada is fast approaching. If I want to spend any amount of time celebrating the holidays with my family, I need to get it done in the next four days. I have to wrap up my birthday (8th), Christmas(somewhere near the 23rd) and New Years (end of this year). All of this, in four days. I also have other issues to address before I can leave - I have financial issues and major health matters to address before I load up my car and head for the frozen plains of Alberta. In order to survive any long tour of Canada, you have to be in peak physical condition as the tours up there can be brutal if you don't have a decent heart rate and above average snot production. The weather alone can stop your heart from beating and add to that the nutritional value of Canadian cuisine (mostly donuts and beer) and you have the makings for some really serious cardiac episodes.
To get out the door on Friday, I need to leave the world I have barely known as of late in a manageable state, so that there will be a world to love when I finally return. My brother will be here in my absence and he has a lot of things he wants to do while he is home on this trip. His frenzy of activity and his concern for the homestead almost eliminates any need for me to prepare the house in any way. And he will be here until the day before I return so I am sure things will be just fine during my trip. He has it covered and you can see that he is enjoying this visit more than others. Perhaps its the lack of major building construction on this trip or maybe he just likes the holiday season, but he is in a much happier place and that is making it easier for me to enjoy the time at home.
Heidi... Heidi has other opinions of my recent trips. She is offended. The look in that dog's eyes says it all, "Daniel, you don't spend enough time with me anymore." And she doesn't mean that in a good way. It's not that you can see the suffering in her girth or her behavior if you looked at her, but there is something in the way she is staring at me that tells me that I have not put in the hours of attention that is required to maintain a healthy working relationship. It's a familiar stare that all women give men when they feel neglected. It's usually used as a passive-aggressive method of torturing a man or to let the man know that the end of the relationship is near. Sadly, if I were to pet Heidi for the next four days straight, without sleeping, I still don't think I could impress upon her just how sorry I am. Which is always the case in matters such as this.
It's nice to be able to use both eyes to focus on what I need to do and I thank all of you for the emails and what-not. They have been very useful in keeping me from completely losing my last grasp on reality. Had I known that an annoying ringing bell was all I needed to snap out of this funk, I would have been on that days ago.
This past week I slept for a total of 30 hours. I counted. A full week - 30 hours of sleep. The waking hours in between I have spent roaming the earth as a zombie and I think I actually performed 5 shows at some point. I know I met a few of my long time readers and I know that I bought tires for my car. But that's about all I can remember.
Today, the tires needed aligning and I went in town to get it done. Not being one to enjoy the smell of rubber tires in abundance, I stepped outside of the tire store to wait for my car. It was cold outside, but I didn't care. I was in a daze and I could not have counted to three if you paid me. I never realized just how terrible it feels to stare off in no particular direction for a long period of time and to realize it that you're doing it and not being able to do anything to stop it. It's horrifying. Then, amid the chaos of the moment, a bell rang. A consistent little chime that never broke it's rhythm. I could tell from the volume level that it wasn't a large bell, but it was large enough to be heard at a distance. If I had been able to break my gaze, I could have turned and looked to see what all the rompous was, but when you're lost, you're lost. Then, for some reason, I woke up. That clanking bell just snapped me out of my funk and suddenly I was aware of everything that I had missed out on over the past week - Thanksgiving, Tacoma, Comedy. And the first thing I could think to do at that moment was count to four.
I have been out of it for a long time and I have been saved by a Salvation Army bell ringer. Some lonely old man in front of a tire store that is freezing his ass off ringing a bell so people will acknowledge him with a few pennies in his bucket. He... He is my savior. I'm sure if you could have seen me at that moment you would have seen a stream of little floating black beads flying out of my mouth into the air above me. They danced for a bit and then disappeared in to nothingness. Sadly, the worst place in the world to regain consciousness is in front of a tire store in the cold of November. And the situation was only made worse by my apparent lack of early morning fashion-sense which was reflected back to me in the large picture window behind the bell ringer. I am not looking very fresh or very sane.
The days I have left are in short supply and my time with my brother is dwindling down as the tour of Canada is fast approaching. If I want to spend any amount of time celebrating the holidays with my family, I need to get it done in the next four days. I have to wrap up my birthday (8th), Christmas(somewhere near the 23rd) and New Years (end of this year). All of this, in four days. I also have other issues to address before I can leave - I have financial issues and major health matters to address before I load up my car and head for the frozen plains of Alberta. In order to survive any long tour of Canada, you have to be in peak physical condition as the tours up there can be brutal if you don't have a decent heart rate and above average snot production. The weather alone can stop your heart from beating and add to that the nutritional value of Canadian cuisine (mostly donuts and beer) and you have the makings for some really serious cardiac episodes.
To get out the door on Friday, I need to leave the world I have barely known as of late in a manageable state, so that there will be a world to love when I finally return. My brother will be here in my absence and he has a lot of things he wants to do while he is home on this trip. His frenzy of activity and his concern for the homestead almost eliminates any need for me to prepare the house in any way. And he will be here until the day before I return so I am sure things will be just fine during my trip. He has it covered and you can see that he is enjoying this visit more than others. Perhaps its the lack of major building construction on this trip or maybe he just likes the holiday season, but he is in a much happier place and that is making it easier for me to enjoy the time at home.
Heidi... Heidi has other opinions of my recent trips. She is offended. The look in that dog's eyes says it all, "Daniel, you don't spend enough time with me anymore." And she doesn't mean that in a good way. It's not that you can see the suffering in her girth or her behavior if you looked at her, but there is something in the way she is staring at me that tells me that I have not put in the hours of attention that is required to maintain a healthy working relationship. It's a familiar stare that all women give men when they feel neglected. It's usually used as a passive-aggressive method of torturing a man or to let the man know that the end of the relationship is near. Sadly, if I were to pet Heidi for the next four days straight, without sleeping, I still don't think I could impress upon her just how sorry I am. Which is always the case in matters such as this.
It's nice to be able to use both eyes to focus on what I need to do and I thank all of you for the emails and what-not. They have been very useful in keeping me from completely losing my last grasp on reality. Had I known that an annoying ringing bell was all I needed to snap out of this funk, I would have been on that days ago.
posted by Daniel Loomis | 2:21 PM
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