the invasion of Korea
Episode 2
de la seoul
I am free. I am the very definition of irony, but I am feeling no pain. I have finally found a computer, in Asia, where I can get online without having to pay for it and I am thrilled. I find it amazing that I have traveled to the very heart of the electronics producing world only to be sitting in front of American's own, Gateway computer. That aside; I am safe, I am dry and I am of good cheer. Which wasn't how yesterday ended...
Beyond the mental boundary of Iteawon there lies a whole city that is Seoul. It took some doing, but I was ready to get out and enjoy this town no matter what I had to do. This city has things to offer, it has hosted a summer Olympics, a world cup and a it's fair share of Tae Kwon Do matches, so there is bound to be something to see and I had to see at least one thing while I was here.
Sancho Ponchi, my ever faithful companion, has decided that he can not go on and has been overcome with a homesick malady which is incurable. It's more common here than SARS, chicken flu or any other disease, and it's especially hard on foreigners. Korea just knows how to make it come out in you. (NOTE: The reason southeast Asia sees so many epidemics - no one covers their mouths when they sneeze or cough. Not ever.) I must admit, I am feeling a tad homesick myself, but... "I am the Seoul superhero!" and I am off in a cab to see where I can find trouble.
The cab takes me to the largest outdoor market in the world. It is ten city blocks of shops and stores and there are buildings inside of the market that rise up three stories and drop down three stories below street level and it is literally, wall to wall, ceiling to floor merchandise. If you would humor me a second, I will ask you to find a closet in your house that you can walk into. Before you step inside, gather all your clothes, your kitchen and bathroom items, your camping stove (lit and cooking of course), your jewelry, your luggage, your electronics and then grab all of your neighbor's goods as well, then stuff it in that closet. Climb in and shut the door. That is what this market looks and feels like. You can not see the sun or the ground. If you want authenticity, grab a dirty diaper, a rotten egg, some sauerkraut and then fart inside the closet, and that should tell you how it smells.
It's all here. Every single item you could every want. At a price that will shock you. Cameras - fifty bucks. Heavy coat - five bucks. Live turtle on the half shell - two bucks. If the permanent vendors don't shock you with their offers, then the men dragging goods out and then throwing them on the street will. 501's Levis - a buck. Sandals - a buck. Pants - a buck. The Koreans are piranhas when it comes to a bargain. In Japan, one of the people we met called the Koreans the Jews of the Orient. I am not sure if that is an accurate description of them or not, but I do know that they love toy tops quite a bit. I am so overwhelmed in this place that I have to flee just so I don't feel like everyone is trying to nab me. I have stopped speaking English completely and have found refuge in Spanish as a means to avoid chatting with every vendor that knows "Come here, you buy" in English.
I still want to see the DMZ, but again, I have no escort, so I can't go. That, and the political climate over here is weird. Not only is Bushie the kid coming but so are some of the world's richest business owners for an economic summit of some kind. And there is word of rioting somewhere in Seoul that is active and anti-American. When I mean active, I mean violent. Take all of this and add to that a summit between North and South Korea regarding reunification, which everyone wants here, and you have an angry city that being in as an American wearing a "coo boo ha too" isn't a grand idea. I stand out big time and there is no one around me to turn to and I have no bearings as to where to go for safety. Thankfully, they sell loaded guns on the street should I need to make a run for it.
I just want to see palaces, DMZ's and other kung fu shit, like all the rest of the world. I know that makes me a bad person, but I am willing to spend money, leave the women alone and leave quietly. So why am I always ending up in riots?
Did I mention that Prince Albert of England is here? No? Sorry. He's here too. And from the market to the grand palace which I wanted to see because it's there, you have to walk past the British embassy. It's not a long walk, or a hard walk, but it is hard to get through a crowd of protestors and soldiers. I found that it was harder to explain comedy to Korean officials than it was to their Japanese counterparts. I end up pantomiming Charlie Chaplin to get out of trouble. They get Charlie Chaplin and they know Chris Rock too, and you haven't lived until you've heard a Korean do a Chris Rock impression and say, "Nee gaa". I thought I was going to jail when I said that I was coming from Japan to do comedy, apparently Japan did some deep screwing over of the Pacific rim in general and the Koreans are ready to realign with China just so they can fuck over Japan, really slowly. I said Japan twice in my explanation and I thought I was going to end up on a hidden camera video being shown on CNN.
I see the palace briefly and I am done with Seoul.
The show that night is great and I have nothing but love for the first real audience on the whole tour that we have seen. After the show, I think I am going to do well with the house band's lead singer, but someone takes us directly back to the hotel because we have a 5 AM pick up for an 8 AM flight, so I can see that I am just going to have to spend my time sans sex.
Sancho Ponchi and I decide that we need to find some trouble in the big city, just because we have been holding back our feelings for too long about this place and we really need to let some of it go. What better place for two Americans with an agenda than at a bar called, Nashville's. It's all Koreans, all the time at Nashville's. Drinking, plotting and listening to rap. I must have a big booger hanging out of my nose or maybe everyone thought I had just bought Sancho from the market, but they can't stop staring at us.
Fuck 'em! I took Tae Kwon Do! I have no reason to live! I'll snort your kimchi bitch, I'm a fucking AMERICAN!
It doesn't turn out that way of course, instead Sancho Ponchi and I do what every ignorant, emotional American does - we tell jokes, share memories and compare the best racial slurs. We can't take this place. At least in Japan, they have a super valid reason for hating us. Koreans have fuck all to hate us for. The trip has been shrouded in a dark cloud of hatred and we have done nothing wrong. I came here to learn about their culture, eat their food, learn their language and they want nothing more than my money and to land a round house back kick on my chin. Aaaaaa... And just when started to think they were sexy.
A stagger back to the hotel sends shivers and creates nightmare imagery for years to come when a cat and a rat are seen slinking down the street... then captured... and then... cleaned. I didn't need to see that when I was drunk.
The flight is early and I am hung over, restless and needing to see some friendly faces. Busan, it seems, has enough love for anyone in need. That could be because Bushie the kid is coming here and they have cleaned out the unfriendly faces, but I don't care. Happy is and happy does and I need some comfort. "I am the Busan superhero!" I will take the friendly waving and the smiles, even if they are empty, they are nice and just what I needed to get my head straight about what I am doing here. I must repent.
It's laundry, it's comfort food and hours of sleep for today. We have three days here and I can tour around tomorrow if I can get off the base and you know I will. What's one less American cynic to the military? Besides, there is a path that leads up a mountain to a buddhist temple and I think me and the big B need some one on one time. Maybe he can show me something that I have overlooked.
The view my from hotel room is...
de la seoul
I am free. I am the very definition of irony, but I am feeling no pain. I have finally found a computer, in Asia, where I can get online without having to pay for it and I am thrilled. I find it amazing that I have traveled to the very heart of the electronics producing world only to be sitting in front of American's own, Gateway computer. That aside; I am safe, I am dry and I am of good cheer. Which wasn't how yesterday ended...
Beyond the mental boundary of Iteawon there lies a whole city that is Seoul. It took some doing, but I was ready to get out and enjoy this town no matter what I had to do. This city has things to offer, it has hosted a summer Olympics, a world cup and a it's fair share of Tae Kwon Do matches, so there is bound to be something to see and I had to see at least one thing while I was here.
Sancho Ponchi, my ever faithful companion, has decided that he can not go on and has been overcome with a homesick malady which is incurable. It's more common here than SARS, chicken flu or any other disease, and it's especially hard on foreigners. Korea just knows how to make it come out in you. (NOTE: The reason southeast Asia sees so many epidemics - no one covers their mouths when they sneeze or cough. Not ever.) I must admit, I am feeling a tad homesick myself, but... "I am the Seoul superhero!" and I am off in a cab to see where I can find trouble.
The cab takes me to the largest outdoor market in the world. It is ten city blocks of shops and stores and there are buildings inside of the market that rise up three stories and drop down three stories below street level and it is literally, wall to wall, ceiling to floor merchandise. If you would humor me a second, I will ask you to find a closet in your house that you can walk into. Before you step inside, gather all your clothes, your kitchen and bathroom items, your camping stove (lit and cooking of course), your jewelry, your luggage, your electronics and then grab all of your neighbor's goods as well, then stuff it in that closet. Climb in and shut the door. That is what this market looks and feels like. You can not see the sun or the ground. If you want authenticity, grab a dirty diaper, a rotten egg, some sauerkraut and then fart inside the closet, and that should tell you how it smells.
It's all here. Every single item you could every want. At a price that will shock you. Cameras - fifty bucks. Heavy coat - five bucks. Live turtle on the half shell - two bucks. If the permanent vendors don't shock you with their offers, then the men dragging goods out and then throwing them on the street will. 501's Levis - a buck. Sandals - a buck. Pants - a buck. The Koreans are piranhas when it comes to a bargain. In Japan, one of the people we met called the Koreans the Jews of the Orient. I am not sure if that is an accurate description of them or not, but I do know that they love toy tops quite a bit. I am so overwhelmed in this place that I have to flee just so I don't feel like everyone is trying to nab me. I have stopped speaking English completely and have found refuge in Spanish as a means to avoid chatting with every vendor that knows "Come here, you buy" in English.
I still want to see the DMZ, but again, I have no escort, so I can't go. That, and the political climate over here is weird. Not only is Bushie the kid coming but so are some of the world's richest business owners for an economic summit of some kind. And there is word of rioting somewhere in Seoul that is active and anti-American. When I mean active, I mean violent. Take all of this and add to that a summit between North and South Korea regarding reunification, which everyone wants here, and you have an angry city that being in as an American wearing a "coo boo ha too" isn't a grand idea. I stand out big time and there is no one around me to turn to and I have no bearings as to where to go for safety. Thankfully, they sell loaded guns on the street should I need to make a run for it.
I just want to see palaces, DMZ's and other kung fu shit, like all the rest of the world. I know that makes me a bad person, but I am willing to spend money, leave the women alone and leave quietly. So why am I always ending up in riots?
Did I mention that Prince Albert of England is here? No? Sorry. He's here too. And from the market to the grand palace which I wanted to see because it's there, you have to walk past the British embassy. It's not a long walk, or a hard walk, but it is hard to get through a crowd of protestors and soldiers. I found that it was harder to explain comedy to Korean officials than it was to their Japanese counterparts. I end up pantomiming Charlie Chaplin to get out of trouble. They get Charlie Chaplin and they know Chris Rock too, and you haven't lived until you've heard a Korean do a Chris Rock impression and say, "Nee gaa". I thought I was going to jail when I said that I was coming from Japan to do comedy, apparently Japan did some deep screwing over of the Pacific rim in general and the Koreans are ready to realign with China just so they can fuck over Japan, really slowly. I said Japan twice in my explanation and I thought I was going to end up on a hidden camera video being shown on CNN.
I see the palace briefly and I am done with Seoul.
The show that night is great and I have nothing but love for the first real audience on the whole tour that we have seen. After the show, I think I am going to do well with the house band's lead singer, but someone takes us directly back to the hotel because we have a 5 AM pick up for an 8 AM flight, so I can see that I am just going to have to spend my time sans sex.
Sancho Ponchi and I decide that we need to find some trouble in the big city, just because we have been holding back our feelings for too long about this place and we really need to let some of it go. What better place for two Americans with an agenda than at a bar called, Nashville's. It's all Koreans, all the time at Nashville's. Drinking, plotting and listening to rap. I must have a big booger hanging out of my nose or maybe everyone thought I had just bought Sancho from the market, but they can't stop staring at us.
Fuck 'em! I took Tae Kwon Do! I have no reason to live! I'll snort your kimchi bitch, I'm a fucking AMERICAN!
It doesn't turn out that way of course, instead Sancho Ponchi and I do what every ignorant, emotional American does - we tell jokes, share memories and compare the best racial slurs. We can't take this place. At least in Japan, they have a super valid reason for hating us. Koreans have fuck all to hate us for. The trip has been shrouded in a dark cloud of hatred and we have done nothing wrong. I came here to learn about their culture, eat their food, learn their language and they want nothing more than my money and to land a round house back kick on my chin. Aaaaaa... And just when started to think they were sexy.
A stagger back to the hotel sends shivers and creates nightmare imagery for years to come when a cat and a rat are seen slinking down the street... then captured... and then... cleaned. I didn't need to see that when I was drunk.
The flight is early and I am hung over, restless and needing to see some friendly faces. Busan, it seems, has enough love for anyone in need. That could be because Bushie the kid is coming here and they have cleaned out the unfriendly faces, but I don't care. Happy is and happy does and I need some comfort. "I am the Busan superhero!" I will take the friendly waving and the smiles, even if they are empty, they are nice and just what I needed to get my head straight about what I am doing here. I must repent.
It's laundry, it's comfort food and hours of sleep for today. We have three days here and I can tour around tomorrow if I can get off the base and you know I will. What's one less American cynic to the military? Besides, there is a path that leads up a mountain to a buddhist temple and I think me and the big B need some one on one time. Maybe he can show me something that I have overlooked.
The view my from hotel room is...
posted by Daniel Loomis | 10:59 PM
<< Home