the invasion of Canada
Part 2.
down time
Every comedy tour in Canada is filled with the best intentions and I try to remind myself of that as a mantra as I pass each day on the tour. However, regardless of what I want to see happen while I'm here, mystical forces always seem to derail my pursuit and they send me spiraling in the opposite direction. On this trip, my main focus on my off days is to spend time with close friends and not to get in anyone's way. The time spent with friends is easy enough to achieve, but "not getting in the way" is harder to do than it seems. I just have a knack for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
A little background might be in order...
Years ago when I first started coming to Canada there was a very popular lady that worked for the club that handled the booking of all the comics. She was very popular with the all the comics and did a great job for the company. She took a liking to me and was eventually fired. I am not sure if it had anything to do with me, but she was fired and everyone here blamed me or associated her termination with me, which didn't make me popular with the comics here that loved her and needed her. This made it tough to come back here and hang out with them. It's hard to have been a part of a great shake up and be one of the people that is left standing. Especially when you're not the first choice for a survivor.
I started opening my big American mouth a lot, and I left timing and tact in my luggage. I said a lot of things I don't regret saying, but they threw my popularity into an even deeper hole. This started to build a bit of legendary status as to what kind of man I really was and my celebrity in Canada became more synonymous with scandal than it did with funny. Not having ever been all that popular with beginner comics to begin with, some of my words were directed towards them in a beginner comic class and this made me even less popular with them. I think I told most of them to quit, that they were not funny and the world didn't need them. They took it personally. Strike two against me.
Being a loud American, I also voiced my opinion about the club, nothing out of the ordinary, but up here, complaints are taken seriously whereas in the states its seen as common every day banter for comics. Strike three and I am wearing ice skates in warm water waiting for the thin ice.
Then, the final act of sacrilege - I went on stage and called out a comic that carried a lot of power within the company. This doomed me and it took years for me to be able to come up again. Years.
In my absence, I became better friends with those that could see me for what I am and not the dirty snot that the rest of Canada was seeing. We became very close and it became important to me to see them whenever I could. I was willing to cower before the machine in order to get permission to come back to Canada just so I could see them. I genuinely like it here. At one time and many times since, I have flirted with the idea of moving here, I like it that much, so it was important to behave myself if I did come up.
Favors had to be called in to get me back up here and another woman in the company with the same, if not more, popularity, stuck her neck out and the company took another chance on me. Each time I come up here I am aware of this and I do what I can to keep the thin ice I skate on from turning back into a hot tub. So far, so good. It's been two years and things are progressing.... slowly. But still progressing.
Until this trip.
The woman who called in the favor to get me back up here, lost her job, and again, all eyes are on me. Her termination is still fresh in everyone's mind and it's got a lot of people upset. She was very popular and her affections for me are well known. Her termination wasn't a direct result of anything I have done, she was let go because the company couldn't afford to keep her any longer, but that's not what the "scene" sees. So again, I have a cloud hanging over my head.
Some people are just blessed with joy with the things they do and the people they meet. They just walk through life doing nothing special and everything is just perfect around them. They never get stains on their clothes, they never smell bad, they never get yelled at and rabid dogs always wag their tails when they come around. They live a charmed life. Then there are those of us that find a nail in our tire with everything we do. Even when we try to do a good thing, something bad happens - Peaceful dolphins lead our boats into dangerous waters, the store is always out of what we need, every person we sleep is on their period or has a small dick, our ointment is made of flies. Happy people still behave the same as their counterparts, the less blessed, but their baggage always arrives. We, the afflicted, smile when their luggage is lost because it means that the plane didn't go down with them on it, which is a good thing.
Monday was a no-show day for me. No-show days are just what they sound like. A day with no show in it. These are the days on the road that you do laundry, play video games, sightsee, mail postcards or drive 19 hours to get to the next gig. They are quality days when you use them wisely, but they can be deadly prison sentences if you forget to fill them with something to do and you're staying somewhere that doesn't have cable. I spent my Monday trying to get paid for Coutts. The check arrives at 3 and I am still in the hotel with my check at 5, talking to the other road comics on tour up here. This is really our only time to get to know each other and many a magic moment has been created in this hotel sports bar. Of course, hanging over all of this is the recent departure of the comedy mother and everyone is still trying to figure out if I had anything to do with it.
Nothing happens on Monday and I like it. Until someone tells me that there is an open mike at a downtown bar and everyone will be there. Hmmmmm.... I am not much of a fan of open mikes or open mikers and they aren't big fans of me, especially right now, but I went. It's barely six weeks since the loss of their comedy mother and she is scheduled to make an appearance at the show, so I am well received. So is death when you have terminal cancer.
The comedy mother arrived at the show and we sat through one of the better open mikes of all time. It was mostly ladies, most of them funny and none of them knew me. Which always makes for a better evening. I ended up closing the show and I mean this in every form possible. As soon as I hit the stage, people left. The ones that enjoy live comedy, left. The ones that stayed wanted to watch me die slowly. (Did I ever tell you how much I hate open mikers? And lucky people?)
The weather continues to drop and the rest of the week are show days. I need to pep up before Daniel Day if I want to see the Daniel Day Elephant bring me gifts. It's a similar to Santa or the Easter Bunny, but the Daniel Day Elephant comes in your house, through a wall, shits on your coffee table and then leaves. They do this as a reminder to go out to celebrate Daniel Day. And the gifts they leave behind take a while to remove which adds to the reminder for a period of about one month. I hope everyone gets out on their no-show day and I hope their luggage always arrives.
down time
Every comedy tour in Canada is filled with the best intentions and I try to remind myself of that as a mantra as I pass each day on the tour. However, regardless of what I want to see happen while I'm here, mystical forces always seem to derail my pursuit and they send me spiraling in the opposite direction. On this trip, my main focus on my off days is to spend time with close friends and not to get in anyone's way. The time spent with friends is easy enough to achieve, but "not getting in the way" is harder to do than it seems. I just have a knack for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
A little background might be in order...
Years ago when I first started coming to Canada there was a very popular lady that worked for the club that handled the booking of all the comics. She was very popular with the all the comics and did a great job for the company. She took a liking to me and was eventually fired. I am not sure if it had anything to do with me, but she was fired and everyone here blamed me or associated her termination with me, which didn't make me popular with the comics here that loved her and needed her. This made it tough to come back here and hang out with them. It's hard to have been a part of a great shake up and be one of the people that is left standing. Especially when you're not the first choice for a survivor.
I started opening my big American mouth a lot, and I left timing and tact in my luggage. I said a lot of things I don't regret saying, but they threw my popularity into an even deeper hole. This started to build a bit of legendary status as to what kind of man I really was and my celebrity in Canada became more synonymous with scandal than it did with funny. Not having ever been all that popular with beginner comics to begin with, some of my words were directed towards them in a beginner comic class and this made me even less popular with them. I think I told most of them to quit, that they were not funny and the world didn't need them. They took it personally. Strike two against me.
Being a loud American, I also voiced my opinion about the club, nothing out of the ordinary, but up here, complaints are taken seriously whereas in the states its seen as common every day banter for comics. Strike three and I am wearing ice skates in warm water waiting for the thin ice.
Then, the final act of sacrilege - I went on stage and called out a comic that carried a lot of power within the company. This doomed me and it took years for me to be able to come up again. Years.
In my absence, I became better friends with those that could see me for what I am and not the dirty snot that the rest of Canada was seeing. We became very close and it became important to me to see them whenever I could. I was willing to cower before the machine in order to get permission to come back to Canada just so I could see them. I genuinely like it here. At one time and many times since, I have flirted with the idea of moving here, I like it that much, so it was important to behave myself if I did come up.
Favors had to be called in to get me back up here and another woman in the company with the same, if not more, popularity, stuck her neck out and the company took another chance on me. Each time I come up here I am aware of this and I do what I can to keep the thin ice I skate on from turning back into a hot tub. So far, so good. It's been two years and things are progressing.... slowly. But still progressing.
Until this trip.
The woman who called in the favor to get me back up here, lost her job, and again, all eyes are on me. Her termination is still fresh in everyone's mind and it's got a lot of people upset. She was very popular and her affections for me are well known. Her termination wasn't a direct result of anything I have done, she was let go because the company couldn't afford to keep her any longer, but that's not what the "scene" sees. So again, I have a cloud hanging over my head.
Some people are just blessed with joy with the things they do and the people they meet. They just walk through life doing nothing special and everything is just perfect around them. They never get stains on their clothes, they never smell bad, they never get yelled at and rabid dogs always wag their tails when they come around. They live a charmed life. Then there are those of us that find a nail in our tire with everything we do. Even when we try to do a good thing, something bad happens - Peaceful dolphins lead our boats into dangerous waters, the store is always out of what we need, every person we sleep is on their period or has a small dick, our ointment is made of flies. Happy people still behave the same as their counterparts, the less blessed, but their baggage always arrives. We, the afflicted, smile when their luggage is lost because it means that the plane didn't go down with them on it, which is a good thing.
Monday was a no-show day for me. No-show days are just what they sound like. A day with no show in it. These are the days on the road that you do laundry, play video games, sightsee, mail postcards or drive 19 hours to get to the next gig. They are quality days when you use them wisely, but they can be deadly prison sentences if you forget to fill them with something to do and you're staying somewhere that doesn't have cable. I spent my Monday trying to get paid for Coutts. The check arrives at 3 and I am still in the hotel with my check at 5, talking to the other road comics on tour up here. This is really our only time to get to know each other and many a magic moment has been created in this hotel sports bar. Of course, hanging over all of this is the recent departure of the comedy mother and everyone is still trying to figure out if I had anything to do with it.
Nothing happens on Monday and I like it. Until someone tells me that there is an open mike at a downtown bar and everyone will be there. Hmmmmm.... I am not much of a fan of open mikes or open mikers and they aren't big fans of me, especially right now, but I went. It's barely six weeks since the loss of their comedy mother and she is scheduled to make an appearance at the show, so I am well received. So is death when you have terminal cancer.
The comedy mother arrived at the show and we sat through one of the better open mikes of all time. It was mostly ladies, most of them funny and none of them knew me. Which always makes for a better evening. I ended up closing the show and I mean this in every form possible. As soon as I hit the stage, people left. The ones that enjoy live comedy, left. The ones that stayed wanted to watch me die slowly. (Did I ever tell you how much I hate open mikers? And lucky people?)
The weather continues to drop and the rest of the week are show days. I need to pep up before Daniel Day if I want to see the Daniel Day Elephant bring me gifts. It's a similar to Santa or the Easter Bunny, but the Daniel Day Elephant comes in your house, through a wall, shits on your coffee table and then leaves. They do this as a reminder to go out to celebrate Daniel Day. And the gifts they leave behind take a while to remove which adds to the reminder for a period of about one month. I hope everyone gets out on their no-show day and I hope their luggage always arrives.
posted by Daniel Loomis | 6:04 PM
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