the invasion of Canada
Episode #6
santa's sense of humor
The two past days have been an exercise in humility. Comedy isn't always easy and it's even harder in a small secluded mountain community in the middle of the winter. Every small business in the small mountain hamlet of Cranbrook held it's annual Christmas party this past weekend and most of them came out to my shows. Normally this would be a great thing for me to see - large groups of people at my shows - but when it's a Christmas party, everything that would normally be a positive can quickly turn into a negative.
Where ever you work you have people that work with you that you barely know, rarely like or don't want to see in a social setting that are mixed in with the few coworkers that you can stand... somewhat. Each year you get to spend a glorious evening out with all of them and... their spouses, whom you do not know at all. If you have worked there for a few years then there is a good chance you have seen them at a social event before and if you have a decent memory, you can remember what that last fiasco was like. Sometimes the night out with the Usually in a group of four or more, there is one person that wants to entertain the others by showcasing their desire to publicly humiliate themselves by being a bit louder and more obnoxious than the rest of the group. The larger the number in the group, the larger the ass this person has to be. If the person turns out to be a woman, then the level of the obnoxiousness is increased ten fold. Booze involved? Twenty fold.
The shows in Cranbrook are held in the hotel that we stay in, which makes it nice and easy to make it to the show on time. If the shows go well, you can take someone back to your room without having to lose them in traffic. If the shows go bad... well, you can run and hide pretty quickly. The Shows are both at 9:30, be there at 9:29 and you're doing good. Comedy shows rarely start on time anyway. It's nice to show up a bit early and feel out the crowd to see what you're dealing with and in hindsight I probably should have done that. It helps you gauge where the crowd is verbally, mentally, socially and that can form some of you jokes to accomodate their needs. Well, I didn't show up early and I came to the shows cold, never a good idea with large Christmas parties.
Instead of working or writing or studying or making myself a better person, I spent both days in Cranbrook playing video games in Marcus's hotel room. I rarely see Marcus and this seemed like a good day to just kill time and some brain cells playing NHL hockey with a Canadian. (the trick is to let them win so they stay allies) I am usually a big time explorer when I am on the road, but both of us have been in this town a dozen or so times and have milked all the "experience" you can get out of it and if staying in a hotel room all day playing video games sounds like a better option, what does that tell you about the town?
Marcus hits the stage first and in both shows he has a bit of a tough time keeping the audience attentive long enough for them to hear a joke. It's not his fault, the audience is just enjoying their Christmas party and have been enjoying it hard and for the past two hours. By the time he took the stage, they had enough Christmas in their bodies for three people. They were loud and the in both shows there was one Christmas party reveller that would just not give up. Very chatty people and Marcus found himself following them there.
My shows were ridiculous. Humor is born in the moment and has everything to do with timing. If the timing is wrong, no amount of creative writing, no amount of nothing is going to save you. As a stand up comic, this can mean death if you have are contracted for an hour show and you are smelling of death with 45 minutes to go. You just get to sit there and suck it up and hope a moment is created that can restart the comedy engine. Something, anything. In Cranbrook.... at Christmas time.... it's not comedy they want.... it's a raise. And if you are their Christmas bonus then you had better be pretty stellar regardless of how loud the hecklers are and you had better not quit on them or you're going to die before you can make it back to your room.
The spirits of the season never found me in Cranbrook and my shows both flopped. You just can't force people to laugh and no matter what you think of to make them start, it will only act to make matters worse. Christmas parties are not places for hired comics. Christmas parties are places for one guy or girl that you work with to rise up from the pack and entertain their coworkers by humiliation and shock and then for the money saved to be spent on bonus checks. Because that's what Christmas is all about - that's what the season is all about - drinking, being loud, being selfish and money.
I survived the shows and I headed back to Calgary and was pulled over in Canada for speeding. There are ten cops in British Columbia and I met two of them. This was the icing on the cake for Cranbrook. Next time I come back, I am bringing my own audience.
Later that night, Marcus and I met up with Mr. Brett Martin of whom I have written a few times. It's always good to see Brett, he's younger than us, more opinionated and in some ways more oblivious than either Marcus or myself, so we like him a lot. He's punk rock and he doesn't even know it. I guess that's why Marcus and I love to fuck with him so much.
This annual tradion of drinking starts with a bar called......
santa's sense of humor
The two past days have been an exercise in humility. Comedy isn't always easy and it's even harder in a small secluded mountain community in the middle of the winter. Every small business in the small mountain hamlet of Cranbrook held it's annual Christmas party this past weekend and most of them came out to my shows. Normally this would be a great thing for me to see - large groups of people at my shows - but when it's a Christmas party, everything that would normally be a positive can quickly turn into a negative.
Where ever you work you have people that work with you that you barely know, rarely like or don't want to see in a social setting that are mixed in with the few coworkers that you can stand... somewhat. Each year you get to spend a glorious evening out with all of them and... their spouses, whom you do not know at all. If you have worked there for a few years then there is a good chance you have seen them at a social event before and if you have a decent memory, you can remember what that last fiasco was like. Sometimes the night out with the Usually in a group of four or more, there is one person that wants to entertain the others by showcasing their desire to publicly humiliate themselves by being a bit louder and more obnoxious than the rest of the group. The larger the number in the group, the larger the ass this person has to be. If the person turns out to be a woman, then the level of the obnoxiousness is increased ten fold. Booze involved? Twenty fold.
The shows in Cranbrook are held in the hotel that we stay in, which makes it nice and easy to make it to the show on time. If the shows go well, you can take someone back to your room without having to lose them in traffic. If the shows go bad... well, you can run and hide pretty quickly. The Shows are both at 9:30, be there at 9:29 and you're doing good. Comedy shows rarely start on time anyway. It's nice to show up a bit early and feel out the crowd to see what you're dealing with and in hindsight I probably should have done that. It helps you gauge where the crowd is verbally, mentally, socially and that can form some of you jokes to accomodate their needs. Well, I didn't show up early and I came to the shows cold, never a good idea with large Christmas parties.
Instead of working or writing or studying or making myself a better person, I spent both days in Cranbrook playing video games in Marcus's hotel room. I rarely see Marcus and this seemed like a good day to just kill time and some brain cells playing NHL hockey with a Canadian. (the trick is to let them win so they stay allies) I am usually a big time explorer when I am on the road, but both of us have been in this town a dozen or so times and have milked all the "experience" you can get out of it and if staying in a hotel room all day playing video games sounds like a better option, what does that tell you about the town?
Marcus hits the stage first and in both shows he has a bit of a tough time keeping the audience attentive long enough for them to hear a joke. It's not his fault, the audience is just enjoying their Christmas party and have been enjoying it hard and for the past two hours. By the time he took the stage, they had enough Christmas in their bodies for three people. They were loud and the in both shows there was one Christmas party reveller that would just not give up. Very chatty people and Marcus found himself following them there.
My shows were ridiculous. Humor is born in the moment and has everything to do with timing. If the timing is wrong, no amount of creative writing, no amount of nothing is going to save you. As a stand up comic, this can mean death if you have are contracted for an hour show and you are smelling of death with 45 minutes to go. You just get to sit there and suck it up and hope a moment is created that can restart the comedy engine. Something, anything. In Cranbrook.... at Christmas time.... it's not comedy they want.... it's a raise. And if you are their Christmas bonus then you had better be pretty stellar regardless of how loud the hecklers are and you had better not quit on them or you're going to die before you can make it back to your room.
The spirits of the season never found me in Cranbrook and my shows both flopped. You just can't force people to laugh and no matter what you think of to make them start, it will only act to make matters worse. Christmas parties are not places for hired comics. Christmas parties are places for one guy or girl that you work with to rise up from the pack and entertain their coworkers by humiliation and shock and then for the money saved to be spent on bonus checks. Because that's what Christmas is all about - that's what the season is all about - drinking, being loud, being selfish and money.
I survived the shows and I headed back to Calgary and was pulled over in Canada for speeding. There are ten cops in British Columbia and I met two of them. This was the icing on the cake for Cranbrook. Next time I come back, I am bringing my own audience.
Later that night, Marcus and I met up with Mr. Brett Martin of whom I have written a few times. It's always good to see Brett, he's younger than us, more opinionated and in some ways more oblivious than either Marcus or myself, so we like him a lot. He's punk rock and he doesn't even know it. I guess that's why Marcus and I love to fuck with him so much.
This annual tradion of drinking starts with a bar called......
posted by Daniel Loomis | 3:21 PM
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