requested #14
Today's topic: Funeral parlors
Every year it seems that a graduating class loses one or two of it's graduates before they can make it to the finish line. It's either drunk driving, cancer, or accidental drowning while on spring break that dooms one or more souls each year. Each class seems to lose one or two of their classmates on the way to graduation, we all have this story and that we can all remember the name of that kid that didn't make it from our class. We don't remember our student body president's name as well as the kid who had the send off two weeks before prom. There is a saying that if you don't know which person in your class was the nerd, then it was probably you, well, if you don't remember the kid that died in your class, then it was probably you and this is all just a weird, "Sixth Sense" reality for you. Go on, go to the light... it's okay.
I didn't know him by name, reputation or in any other fashion, but a kid in what was supposed to be my graduating class, died in a car crash just as school opened for the fall term. He was driving in a BMW and was either drunk, stoned or just full of testosterone and he slammed it into the side of a hill. The accident reshaped him completely, which is the nice way of putting it. I only mention this because his parents decided that he should have an open casket funeral, at the time, I thought that it was an odd choice, but after years of "Buckle up for Jimmy" commercials and bumperstickers, I realized what kind of impact they wanted their son's death to have on the rest of us. Their son would continue to live on in the visual memory all of us had with his painful demise.
I am pretty sure that when I went to see this kid in the funeral home, that it was the first time I had ever been in one. I find this very ironic because my grandfather's side of the family were all embalmers and had run a funeral home in Knob Noster, Missouri. Because of this, his entire family had free funerals and grave sites in Knob Noster, all of which I attended and they seemed to happen two or three times a year during my youth. But I don't ever remember going into a funeral home for their funerals, not once. I just remember going directly to the graveyard and then to the old family house which seemed to be filled with fewer and fewer relatives and a little more food each time I was there. I was 17 before I saw the inside of the funeral home. I guess my impressions of it were pretty much as I thought it would be. I think my opinion of funeral homes was shaped but what I had seen on television, so by the time that I went in to one, it was as if I had already been in a million of them. Just like television, there were tons of flowers, soft organ music, a person lying in state and mourners, in this case it was every single one of the 3000 kids from the school. The room itself held only 50, but three girls when crying together, can occupy the same space as one girl. The majority of the kids were interlopers like myself and had no vested interest in the situation other than it was the thing to do that night. In a morbid closing note to this story, when I did have to graduate with that class, I sat directly behind a cloaked seat where he would have sat had he graduated. The imagery associated with that has cast a tone over my entire opinion of high school.
When my father died, he avoided the funeral home and opted instead for a cremation (wearing his signature boots) then being displayed in a small service in a church, which surprised all of us that knew him as a devil worshiper. The fact that he opted out of the Knob Noster burial that he was required to have said a lot about the man and his life and how he felt about his relatives. The church service was followed by a reception in a more suitable locale for his life. It was held in a theater which he loved. I am not sure that his funeral would have been made an better or worse if the location of the grieving was changed of if the events began at some bland funeral home sitting area, he was a strange man and he had a strange funeral. Eventually we would "spread" his ashes in a lake in a public park, so that he could coat everyone that ever swam there. It would seem that the sadness that accompanies loss is greater than the sentiments that come along with whether or not the place of grieving and final farewells have adequate seating capacity and acoustics.
Funeral parlors have seen a sharp rise in popularity after the show, "Six Feet Under" came to HBO. The show is about a family that runs a funeral parlor and it made funerals hip and gave embalmers a cool edge to their once shunned profession. The embalmer became less of the stereotypical, stern-faced man in the dark suit that we had grown accustomed to and became more of a jazzy artist with a morbid sense of humor and a strong constitution. A sense of humor is always good in any profession and I guess that's what made the job less something that only necrophiliacs wanted and more something anyone could do. After the HBO series was on for a while, a few reality shows popped up that take place in Funeral homes and this further enlightened us all to the real world of the business of death.
I have never paid for a funeral but I hear that the prices are outrageous and that funeral parlors were taking advantage of the mourning families by charging thousands of dollars and making it sound like a bargain. If I ever have to arrange a funeral at a funeral home I think I will handle it in this way - I will leave the body there and not come back. I don't see any reason to bury the body or have it cremated, they're gone, what do I care? More to the point, what can I do? Besides, the cemetery is never going to be as nice a place as a funeral parlor show room. Where would you rather leave your dearly departed? In the cold dirt or in a nice temperature controlled show room that is adorned with flowers, soft fabrics and has piped in soothing music? It would certainly make it easier for you to find your loved one when you wanted to visit. No more walking over fresh graves and feeling bad about it. No more standing in the cold or in the heat and having to leave earlier than you wanted too because you didn't dress appropriately enough for the weather. I realize that the funeral home may not appreciate you leaving your loved one in their showroom and I say screw them. There in no law that says you have to pick them up and there is nothing that they can do to make you take it back. Just let them pick up the body and then never come back. Let them send you bills, let them call creditors or try to repo... I think you get the idea.
Funeral parlors are just another way that our world has invented a business where none was needed. I think I like the idea of Viking funerals with the body floating on a lake in a gasoline soaked boat and all of my friends shooting flaming arrows at it. The other methods that I would deem acceptable are; being left in the garden as compost, shot out of a cannon (because Hunter S. failed to get that wish) or tied to an anchor and dropped into the abyssal at the other end of the ocean. (the really, really deep one)
I think they should have home funeral kits. Funerals that the family on a budget can do themselves. It's not always necessary to embalm a body or have make up applied to it before you bury it. Sometimes letting someone go to the hereafter with dignity is better than two coats of eyeliner which are applied for the benefit of the grieving (which makes them the center of attention and not the dearly departed). Perhaps we should remember that the dignity we show our loved ones in death is just as important as the sorrow we feel about their loss.
Every year it seems that a graduating class loses one or two of it's graduates before they can make it to the finish line. It's either drunk driving, cancer, or accidental drowning while on spring break that dooms one or more souls each year. Each class seems to lose one or two of their classmates on the way to graduation, we all have this story and that we can all remember the name of that kid that didn't make it from our class. We don't remember our student body president's name as well as the kid who had the send off two weeks before prom. There is a saying that if you don't know which person in your class was the nerd, then it was probably you, well, if you don't remember the kid that died in your class, then it was probably you and this is all just a weird, "Sixth Sense" reality for you. Go on, go to the light... it's okay.
I didn't know him by name, reputation or in any other fashion, but a kid in what was supposed to be my graduating class, died in a car crash just as school opened for the fall term. He was driving in a BMW and was either drunk, stoned or just full of testosterone and he slammed it into the side of a hill. The accident reshaped him completely, which is the nice way of putting it. I only mention this because his parents decided that he should have an open casket funeral, at the time, I thought that it was an odd choice, but after years of "Buckle up for Jimmy" commercials and bumperstickers, I realized what kind of impact they wanted their son's death to have on the rest of us. Their son would continue to live on in the visual memory all of us had with his painful demise.
I am pretty sure that when I went to see this kid in the funeral home, that it was the first time I had ever been in one. I find this very ironic because my grandfather's side of the family were all embalmers and had run a funeral home in Knob Noster, Missouri. Because of this, his entire family had free funerals and grave sites in Knob Noster, all of which I attended and they seemed to happen two or three times a year during my youth. But I don't ever remember going into a funeral home for their funerals, not once. I just remember going directly to the graveyard and then to the old family house which seemed to be filled with fewer and fewer relatives and a little more food each time I was there. I was 17 before I saw the inside of the funeral home. I guess my impressions of it were pretty much as I thought it would be. I think my opinion of funeral homes was shaped but what I had seen on television, so by the time that I went in to one, it was as if I had already been in a million of them. Just like television, there were tons of flowers, soft organ music, a person lying in state and mourners, in this case it was every single one of the 3000 kids from the school. The room itself held only 50, but three girls when crying together, can occupy the same space as one girl. The majority of the kids were interlopers like myself and had no vested interest in the situation other than it was the thing to do that night. In a morbid closing note to this story, when I did have to graduate with that class, I sat directly behind a cloaked seat where he would have sat had he graduated. The imagery associated with that has cast a tone over my entire opinion of high school.
When my father died, he avoided the funeral home and opted instead for a cremation (wearing his signature boots) then being displayed in a small service in a church, which surprised all of us that knew him as a devil worshiper. The fact that he opted out of the Knob Noster burial that he was required to have said a lot about the man and his life and how he felt about his relatives. The church service was followed by a reception in a more suitable locale for his life. It was held in a theater which he loved. I am not sure that his funeral would have been made an better or worse if the location of the grieving was changed of if the events began at some bland funeral home sitting area, he was a strange man and he had a strange funeral. Eventually we would "spread" his ashes in a lake in a public park, so that he could coat everyone that ever swam there. It would seem that the sadness that accompanies loss is greater than the sentiments that come along with whether or not the place of grieving and final farewells have adequate seating capacity and acoustics.
Funeral parlors have seen a sharp rise in popularity after the show, "Six Feet Under" came to HBO. The show is about a family that runs a funeral parlor and it made funerals hip and gave embalmers a cool edge to their once shunned profession. The embalmer became less of the stereotypical, stern-faced man in the dark suit that we had grown accustomed to and became more of a jazzy artist with a morbid sense of humor and a strong constitution. A sense of humor is always good in any profession and I guess that's what made the job less something that only necrophiliacs wanted and more something anyone could do. After the HBO series was on for a while, a few reality shows popped up that take place in Funeral homes and this further enlightened us all to the real world of the business of death.
I have never paid for a funeral but I hear that the prices are outrageous and that funeral parlors were taking advantage of the mourning families by charging thousands of dollars and making it sound like a bargain. If I ever have to arrange a funeral at a funeral home I think I will handle it in this way - I will leave the body there and not come back. I don't see any reason to bury the body or have it cremated, they're gone, what do I care? More to the point, what can I do? Besides, the cemetery is never going to be as nice a place as a funeral parlor show room. Where would you rather leave your dearly departed? In the cold dirt or in a nice temperature controlled show room that is adorned with flowers, soft fabrics and has piped in soothing music? It would certainly make it easier for you to find your loved one when you wanted to visit. No more walking over fresh graves and feeling bad about it. No more standing in the cold or in the heat and having to leave earlier than you wanted too because you didn't dress appropriately enough for the weather. I realize that the funeral home may not appreciate you leaving your loved one in their showroom and I say screw them. There in no law that says you have to pick them up and there is nothing that they can do to make you take it back. Just let them pick up the body and then never come back. Let them send you bills, let them call creditors or try to repo... I think you get the idea.
Funeral parlors are just another way that our world has invented a business where none was needed. I think I like the idea of Viking funerals with the body floating on a lake in a gasoline soaked boat and all of my friends shooting flaming arrows at it. The other methods that I would deem acceptable are; being left in the garden as compost, shot out of a cannon (because Hunter S. failed to get that wish) or tied to an anchor and dropped into the abyssal at the other end of the ocean. (the really, really deep one)
I think they should have home funeral kits. Funerals that the family on a budget can do themselves. It's not always necessary to embalm a body or have make up applied to it before you bury it. Sometimes letting someone go to the hereafter with dignity is better than two coats of eyeliner which are applied for the benefit of the grieving (which makes them the center of attention and not the dearly departed). Perhaps we should remember that the dignity we show our loved ones in death is just as important as the sorrow we feel about their loss.
posted by Daniel Loomis | 11:21 AM
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