requested #12
Today's topic: body language
I have the most animated eyebrows in the land. Only Eugene Levy and Walter Mathau know my plight on the same level. It's a burden of having your most pronounced facial feature be your brows and then having them be the most animated portion of it too. Of course, my eyebrows are no where near the outrageous size of Eugene or Walter's, but mine are just as active and important to my personality. The dance all over my forehead with every word and phrase that I utter and some times, just the thoughts inside my head can get them square dancing. Sometimes, they just move to broadcast my reactions to things around me. My eyebrows are so telling, that people that know me, know that if my eyebrows DON'T move, then THAT is saying something in and of itself.
The other telling nature of my face is my mouth, again, not as big as most, but certainly just as telling. It moves in mysterious and strange ways and has, at least, ten million expressions, each with it's own definition. Put that together with my eyebrows of perpetual motion and you have a look that most people are put off by pretty easily. I have been told it's charming and in some ways, seductive, but most people just look at me and subconsciencly want to cry or pick up a stick and hit me with it. I can promise you I will never see elected office or be trusted with secret government plans that need to be smuggled across enemy lines. My face loves to show that I am bearing a secret and my natural smugness only makes my guilt all that more apparent. I enjoy being smug and I truly enjoy the reaction that being smug brings to those people around me. I am not sure why, perhaps I am just as crazy as people say I am. It's not always a good thing, and I have paid a heavy price for being too smug at times, but I still love it and I will always look like the kid who wanted to get caught with his hand in the cookie jar just so he could get the spanking.
Most body language is meant to be a natural "tell" that lets other people know what you're up to. Most people are too stupid to pick up on these signals, and so we are forced to use the more vulgar, obvious, spoken language that everyone thinks is hip nowadays. Sometimes when the spoken language doesn't quite say it distinctly enough, we have created ironic, vulgar, obvious unspoken gestures that can sum up what we are feeling in less time than the spoken word can accomodate. A kind of retro-lingual expressionism. For example: Flipping the bird. The loud, obvious, unapologetic belch or fart. The yawn. All of these "gestures" have deep meanings - when used at appropriate times - that words could not express effectively enough. I love to use them and I wish there were more people around me that made it possible for me to do so.
Body language is something that makes all of our written/spoken languages look foolish and child-like. If a man from Mongolia wanted to get a drink of water in Zaire, I'm pretty sure he isn't going to find someone in Zaire that will know how to speak Mongolian or read a word of it, so the only method of effective communication will "body language" (and a lot of cussing each other out in their respective languages to vent their frustration). Body language will get Mr. Khan a drink of water a helluva lot faster than hours of yapping on, or writing it down, would have. This is also true for our efforts to communicate hatred, lust, envy, jealousy, love, and patronizing political protocols. Hand shakes, bowing, pats on the back, batting your eyes - these are all methods of using body language to let the other person know what you are thinking when your words escape you.
I think I have been chucked on the arm a thousand times by different friends that think it's cool. I think I have been hugged ten million times by people that think that it's a cute thing to do even when the hug isn't warranted. Regardless of the popular opinion, not all hugs are good hugs. Case in point, the awkward hugging of in-laws when you first meet them or say goodbye, even when you can't stand them personally. The use of hugging has been corrupted by obsessive huggers that believe they are spreading the love and making the world a more friendly place. Of course, in certain countries, hugs are considered a rude gesture and sacriligeous, sadly these cronic-mad huggers never travel there and we're stuck with them. Of course, the lack of hugging can make some people feral and bitter and it's at these times I think we should see more physical affection from key people if we don't want to fear random spree killings in our future.
Your body likes to talk about "you" as much as you love to wax on and on about "you" and all the wonderful or not so wonderful things that make "you" the greatest "" in the world. I like to watch how someone moves while they tell me about all the things that they have done in their life or all the things that they want me to believe about them. "I love the oceans" they say, and yet they go on to say that they never travel to see it nor have they ever lived near it, but they want too. I am supposed to assume they love it by their wide-eyed expression of joy when they speak of it and that's supposed to show me they're conviction about the issue. Funny, but that's the same expression you see when people are told that they have VD. So what am I supposed to believe?
It's important that you know what you look like when you talk. Sadly, when facing a mirror, you will never be half the animated creature you are when there is not reflection for you to see. Standing in front of the mirror we are all sexy, brilliant, and cool beyond words. We haven't aged a month over our prime. When we speak, we are composed and a person of authority, however, if you think about it, as the words flow out of our mouths, we look less like a symbol of grace under fire and more like ventriloquist dummies. Mouths moving, body as still as a stone. Moments later you walk away and encounter someone with whom you share the same piece of dialogue that you just had with yourself and it comes out with hand gestures, dancing eyebrows, coy smirks, devilish grins, Eastwood squints and shifty hips. The world sees you as the marionette that we all really are.
I have tried to watch my eyebrows in a mirror. I have heard people talk about their boogie across my forehead but I have never witnessed it. There are videos of me, but when I watch them I have no idea who the person is that is playing me on the screen, but they are WAY to animated to be super cool, calm and collected me. I don't move like that! Do I really laugh like a psychopath? WOW! I must pay more attention to the way I move when I talk... (this thought fades with each passing letter I type)
Body language has one last grand merit - It can be totally silent and still completely effective. Talking to someone and trying to maintain a friendly demeanor whether you like them or not is hard to do and you the need for a "truth release" is urgently needed as soon as possible. As soon as their head is turned, you can make a million different gestures to let out what you are truly feeling. If you can't stand the person, you can stick out your tongue or fake gag. If you think their sexy, you can stick out your tongue only this time to indicate lust. If the person irritates you, you might pretend like you are going to hit them or make the facial expression of a scream sans sound. Parents make lovely gestures around their children that they think their children are too stupid to figure out. Of course, this is where we all learn our gestures in the first place, but that's another story.
In a perfect world, none of us would need a spoken language to communicate with others, our bodies could do it all for us. Perhaps the deaf are on to something there with all that "signing" that they do. There are hundreds of languages around the world, each with dozens of dialects. Most of the world can't communicate with foreigners (then again, they can't communicate with people in their own families) and I think that the huggers would agree with me when I say, we need to keep our communication to simple gestures. I think we should start with how to tell someone you want to mount them without them spraying you with mace.
The short list of the most common body language vocabulary "words"
A kiss
A hug
A hump
A handshake
A punch
A smack
A wink
A nudge
A pinch
A smile
A frown
...with an honorable mention to crying and laughing, they both make noises, but are associated with specific body language vocab words.
I have the most animated eyebrows in the land. Only Eugene Levy and Walter Mathau know my plight on the same level. It's a burden of having your most pronounced facial feature be your brows and then having them be the most animated portion of it too. Of course, my eyebrows are no where near the outrageous size of Eugene or Walter's, but mine are just as active and important to my personality. The dance all over my forehead with every word and phrase that I utter and some times, just the thoughts inside my head can get them square dancing. Sometimes, they just move to broadcast my reactions to things around me. My eyebrows are so telling, that people that know me, know that if my eyebrows DON'T move, then THAT is saying something in and of itself.
The other telling nature of my face is my mouth, again, not as big as most, but certainly just as telling. It moves in mysterious and strange ways and has, at least, ten million expressions, each with it's own definition. Put that together with my eyebrows of perpetual motion and you have a look that most people are put off by pretty easily. I have been told it's charming and in some ways, seductive, but most people just look at me and subconsciencly want to cry or pick up a stick and hit me with it. I can promise you I will never see elected office or be trusted with secret government plans that need to be smuggled across enemy lines. My face loves to show that I am bearing a secret and my natural smugness only makes my guilt all that more apparent. I enjoy being smug and I truly enjoy the reaction that being smug brings to those people around me. I am not sure why, perhaps I am just as crazy as people say I am. It's not always a good thing, and I have paid a heavy price for being too smug at times, but I still love it and I will always look like the kid who wanted to get caught with his hand in the cookie jar just so he could get the spanking.
Most body language is meant to be a natural "tell" that lets other people know what you're up to. Most people are too stupid to pick up on these signals, and so we are forced to use the more vulgar, obvious, spoken language that everyone thinks is hip nowadays. Sometimes when the spoken language doesn't quite say it distinctly enough, we have created ironic, vulgar, obvious unspoken gestures that can sum up what we are feeling in less time than the spoken word can accomodate. A kind of retro-lingual expressionism. For example: Flipping the bird. The loud, obvious, unapologetic belch or fart. The yawn. All of these "gestures" have deep meanings - when used at appropriate times - that words could not express effectively enough. I love to use them and I wish there were more people around me that made it possible for me to do so.
Body language is something that makes all of our written/spoken languages look foolish and child-like. If a man from Mongolia wanted to get a drink of water in Zaire, I'm pretty sure he isn't going to find someone in Zaire that will know how to speak Mongolian or read a word of it, so the only method of effective communication will "body language" (and a lot of cussing each other out in their respective languages to vent their frustration). Body language will get Mr. Khan a drink of water a helluva lot faster than hours of yapping on, or writing it down, would have. This is also true for our efforts to communicate hatred, lust, envy, jealousy, love, and patronizing political protocols. Hand shakes, bowing, pats on the back, batting your eyes - these are all methods of using body language to let the other person know what you are thinking when your words escape you.
I think I have been chucked on the arm a thousand times by different friends that think it's cool. I think I have been hugged ten million times by people that think that it's a cute thing to do even when the hug isn't warranted. Regardless of the popular opinion, not all hugs are good hugs. Case in point, the awkward hugging of in-laws when you first meet them or say goodbye, even when you can't stand them personally. The use of hugging has been corrupted by obsessive huggers that believe they are spreading the love and making the world a more friendly place. Of course, in certain countries, hugs are considered a rude gesture and sacriligeous, sadly these cronic-mad huggers never travel there and we're stuck with them. Of course, the lack of hugging can make some people feral and bitter and it's at these times I think we should see more physical affection from key people if we don't want to fear random spree killings in our future.
Your body likes to talk about "you" as much as you love to wax on and on about "you" and all the wonderful or not so wonderful things that make "you" the greatest "" in the world. I like to watch how someone moves while they tell me about all the things that they have done in their life or all the things that they want me to believe about them. "I love the oceans" they say, and yet they go on to say that they never travel to see it nor have they ever lived near it, but they want too. I am supposed to assume they love it by their wide-eyed expression of joy when they speak of it and that's supposed to show me they're conviction about the issue. Funny, but that's the same expression you see when people are told that they have VD. So what am I supposed to believe?
It's important that you know what you look like when you talk. Sadly, when facing a mirror, you will never be half the animated creature you are when there is not reflection for you to see. Standing in front of the mirror we are all sexy, brilliant, and cool beyond words. We haven't aged a month over our prime. When we speak, we are composed and a person of authority, however, if you think about it, as the words flow out of our mouths, we look less like a symbol of grace under fire and more like ventriloquist dummies. Mouths moving, body as still as a stone. Moments later you walk away and encounter someone with whom you share the same piece of dialogue that you just had with yourself and it comes out with hand gestures, dancing eyebrows, coy smirks, devilish grins, Eastwood squints and shifty hips. The world sees you as the marionette that we all really are.
I have tried to watch my eyebrows in a mirror. I have heard people talk about their boogie across my forehead but I have never witnessed it. There are videos of me, but when I watch them I have no idea who the person is that is playing me on the screen, but they are WAY to animated to be super cool, calm and collected me. I don't move like that! Do I really laugh like a psychopath? WOW! I must pay more attention to the way I move when I talk... (this thought fades with each passing letter I type)
Body language has one last grand merit - It can be totally silent and still completely effective. Talking to someone and trying to maintain a friendly demeanor whether you like them or not is hard to do and you the need for a "truth release" is urgently needed as soon as possible. As soon as their head is turned, you can make a million different gestures to let out what you are truly feeling. If you can't stand the person, you can stick out your tongue or fake gag. If you think their sexy, you can stick out your tongue only this time to indicate lust. If the person irritates you, you might pretend like you are going to hit them or make the facial expression of a scream sans sound. Parents make lovely gestures around their children that they think their children are too stupid to figure out. Of course, this is where we all learn our gestures in the first place, but that's another story.
In a perfect world, none of us would need a spoken language to communicate with others, our bodies could do it all for us. Perhaps the deaf are on to something there with all that "signing" that they do. There are hundreds of languages around the world, each with dozens of dialects. Most of the world can't communicate with foreigners (then again, they can't communicate with people in their own families) and I think that the huggers would agree with me when I say, we need to keep our communication to simple gestures. I think we should start with how to tell someone you want to mount them without them spraying you with mace.
The short list of the most common body language vocabulary "words"
A kiss
A hug
A hump
A handshake
A punch
A smack
A wink
A nudge
A pinch
A smile
A frown
...with an honorable mention to crying and laughing, they both make noises, but are associated with specific body language vocab words.
posted by Daniel Loomis | 11:40 AM
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