requested #13
Today's topic: Personal ads
The mother of all invention is reported to be necessity and the deadbeat dad of invention that put it to the mother of invention after one too many apple martinis and some Coltrane, is laziness. I think it's important that I state these tidbits of information before I go into my report about personal ads because what I found out about personal ads is directly related to these concepts.
As the world grows and grows and grows and grows, humanity comes to see that there is less and less they can do to slow down it's progressive rate. You would think that we wouldn't want to slow it down, but I think we all know that we are moving too fast and things that are important are too often being overlooked and left unfinished and unlearned as we sprint on down the lane into the future. This leaves us grossly unprepared for what we are creating or discovering and shamefully, we should know better. Whether you are ready for it or not, the future is tomorrow and it's going to be tough on those of us that like things the way we "like things". We don't need to update the VCR to a DVD immediately, we don't need to buy the iPod and cash in the Walkman right away. We don't need a new car every other year and the reason we feel this way is because we were born in a time when things were built a bit better and they lasted a lot longer. Their engineering included a variable called, "over the next forty years" and it was designed to meet those parameters. Today's stuff is shit and it does have to be replaced, not out of vanity but because the stuff they make now decomposes faster than bananas.
The flip side.
If the past fifty years has taught us anything it's that you shouldn't hold on to tightly to anything today as it won't be relevant tomorrow. Fifty years ago, television was three channels. In music, there was only jazz, blues, classical, opera, country and a new thing called, rock-n-roll. In movies, the only violent thing you could see was someone getting shot and no matter where they were shot, they bled from the mouth and died rather quickly. Smoking was good for you. Marriage was forever. Everyone went to college. No one screwed on the first date. And Davey Crockett was cool. Things have changed a lot haven't they?
Funny enough, I thought that personal ads were something that were new to the pop culture scene and that they had only been around for the last thirty or so years. I was shocked to find out that personal ads have been around for hundreds of years and that the quality or effectiveness of the ads hasn't changed all that much. The first ads were placed in publications by men who were usually seeking women to join them in frontier communities and be their brides. This was very effective and many a strong marriage was formed on the ability of one woman willing to take a stranger's word that the was a gentleman and would provide for her ON FAITH! I doubt that there are too many women, or men, that would have the fortitude to take that leap. Some do and they end up as hookers in Thailand or Saudi Arabia. Anyway, these ads were popular and they did work. They were a common sight in church bulletins and the scandalous nature of the mail-order brides relationship was often ridiculed and scorned by others, much the same way we, the non-believers in E-harmony dot com scorn all those happy couples that met on that site.
Today's world, where every concept and everybody is changing so rapidly, finds itself still embracing firmly the concept of personal ads. Even though the morality of the world has changed so dramatically over the past fifty years and really, super, ultra drastically over the past two or three hundred years, the acceptance of the personal ad to gain a lover is still widely accepted by most and still mocked by the rest. The only thing that I can think of that might have changed would be the additions of the "FETISH, MEN SEEKING MEN, WOMEN SEEKING WOMEN, COUPLES SEEKING MEN OR WOMEN, and I SAW YOU" sections of the personals section in the newspaper. The JUST FRIENDS section has always been there and it's still filled with former Young Lifers that missed the boat and are forced to live alone forever.
The attitude toward personal ads is still treated with a lot of mixed reactions depending on how cool you are socially. Most stuck up, morally self-righteous people think the ads are foolish and a cop out, which would feed into my earlier statement of "...Father of invention...". Other more cool, hip daddy-o's see the ads as the only available release from busy lives that can no longer accommodate healthy chunks of social time for dating or "getting to know each other" hence the "...Mother of invention..." portion of the equation. Mixed into both groups is a group of smart asses and perverts, who either enjoy the reading the ads recreationally or who place the ads to avoid having to meet people the human way because they're shy and have no verbal skill or their just simple sex addicts and this is something new. My attitude falls into many categories and I have no problem with the ads. I think it's good for those people that it works for and sad for the people have only this option to turn to. I think it's okay to use the ads, but I hope it doesn't fully replace real human interaction. Of course, I am a huge fan of seduction and ads are but one method that can be used, so it can't be overlooked, but it can't be the only method used either.
Over the past fifty years, the dating world has seen the demise of courting, wooing, effective flower giving and asking permission to date someone's daughter. A lot of this is women seeking out equality from men and this confuses men into dark corners where they are lost as to what to do. When this happens, men traditionally fight back by punishing women by taking away the little behaviors that they think women enjoy - Courting, wooing, flowers... Men are also not good at figuring out the puzzle of women, neither are women for that matter, so it has made for some serious confusion and a lot of sex on the first, and only, date. This is good for some, and not so good for others. Ever since dating has taken this turn, meeting "the one" is more mythological now and not viewed as a possible reality to most people, it's become more of a quaint notion to fantasize about or to fuel the fire on long, cold and lonely days. In the meantime, date or screw anything that you want to until that fantasy comes along! This dreary defeatist type of thinking is what destroyed the whole, "not on the first date" mentality and it also destroyed the framework of what a "date" should be. Dating fifty years ago could be a walk down the lane. Now it's flying to Vegas for the weekend, getting a hooker, some blow and "getting to know each other". Picking up a girl in a bar fifty years ago most likely meant that she was there looking for someone to cheat on her husband with because single women never went to bars alone, ever. OR, she was a hooker. Meeting a girl in a bar today... Anything goes. The more the morality changed and the social standards along with it, the more it became possible to meet multiple people in multiple different locales, in multiple ways, for multiple reasons. That being the case, we slowly destroyed the concept of dating like we did fifty years ago.
And yet, the personal ad keeps chuggin' on....
The more the world changes the more humanity will seek out new ways to redefine it's time on the planet. The world will want to reinvent the rules of conduct and the more we will see the demise of the old ways. But, looming in the back pages of a weekly newspaper or appearing on web sites everywhere, will be: SWF seeking SBM for BD/SM exploration and friendship, Me; likes walks on beach, sunrises, cuddling. Very honesty and loyal, wild in bed. Friends first but who knows. You; Must have a strong value system, honest, faithful, charming family man that is well endowed.
No one is really honest in their ad, which is truly sad. With women, it's best foot forward and fill the ad full of romance so prince charming will find me and take me away. With men, it's shape, shape, size, size, money, money, screw. Women get lost in the dichotomy of their personalities and always leave out that they have quirks, hang ups and issues from past relationships. Men - shape, shape, size, size, money, money, screw. Women act soft in the beginning but get more stern and motherly toward the end, they set their limits but indicate the how to get around them. "I am soft and loving and would make a good wife and mother, but I love to blow you while you drive and I love anal. You must be free spirited and like to travel and enjoy fine wine, but also like to play with my two kids who live with me"... but not in so many words. Men - shape, shape, size, size, money, money, screw. Women embrace the poetry of the world around them and hope that it means something to the rest of the non-poetic men that read personal ads. "I like to cuddle up on the couch with a good movie, take long walks on the beach, pina coladas and gettin' caught in the rain". Men - shape, shape, size, size, money, money, screw. If you think there is a bias here, remember, men have really nothing to stand on when placing an ad. It's all in the women's court and if women's ads were more vulgar, so would men's. Men have to censor their ads completely otherwise it wouldn't work at all. Every male ad would say, FUCK ME! NO, NOT HIM, ME! FUCK ME! I WANT TO FUCK YOU AND THEN LEAVE THIRTY SECONDS LATER! I WILL COME BACK WHEN I WANT TO FUCK YOU AGAIN, BUT ON MY TERMS. DON'T LOOK AT HIM, LOOK AT ME! ...again, not in so many words.
There are probably some wonderful people that live at the end of some of these personal ads. I'm sure that many a great soul has been lost in time and space and we missed out. But, I think it's important to remember, that whatever brought that person to place the ad in the first place isn't going to go away because you arrived. They are still going to be the person they were before that ad and before you responded to it. They will be too busy, too flighty, not ready for commitment, married already, an addict or just kidding around. It's important to keep that in mind before you hitch your wagon to that special SPM who is HWP and looking for LTR that involves BD/SM and is herb friendly.
The mother of all invention is reported to be necessity and the deadbeat dad of invention that put it to the mother of invention after one too many apple martinis and some Coltrane, is laziness. I think it's important that I state these tidbits of information before I go into my report about personal ads because what I found out about personal ads is directly related to these concepts.
As the world grows and grows and grows and grows, humanity comes to see that there is less and less they can do to slow down it's progressive rate. You would think that we wouldn't want to slow it down, but I think we all know that we are moving too fast and things that are important are too often being overlooked and left unfinished and unlearned as we sprint on down the lane into the future. This leaves us grossly unprepared for what we are creating or discovering and shamefully, we should know better. Whether you are ready for it or not, the future is tomorrow and it's going to be tough on those of us that like things the way we "like things". We don't need to update the VCR to a DVD immediately, we don't need to buy the iPod and cash in the Walkman right away. We don't need a new car every other year and the reason we feel this way is because we were born in a time when things were built a bit better and they lasted a lot longer. Their engineering included a variable called, "over the next forty years" and it was designed to meet those parameters. Today's stuff is shit and it does have to be replaced, not out of vanity but because the stuff they make now decomposes faster than bananas.
The flip side.
If the past fifty years has taught us anything it's that you shouldn't hold on to tightly to anything today as it won't be relevant tomorrow. Fifty years ago, television was three channels. In music, there was only jazz, blues, classical, opera, country and a new thing called, rock-n-roll. In movies, the only violent thing you could see was someone getting shot and no matter where they were shot, they bled from the mouth and died rather quickly. Smoking was good for you. Marriage was forever. Everyone went to college. No one screwed on the first date. And Davey Crockett was cool. Things have changed a lot haven't they?
Funny enough, I thought that personal ads were something that were new to the pop culture scene and that they had only been around for the last thirty or so years. I was shocked to find out that personal ads have been around for hundreds of years and that the quality or effectiveness of the ads hasn't changed all that much. The first ads were placed in publications by men who were usually seeking women to join them in frontier communities and be their brides. This was very effective and many a strong marriage was formed on the ability of one woman willing to take a stranger's word that the was a gentleman and would provide for her ON FAITH! I doubt that there are too many women, or men, that would have the fortitude to take that leap. Some do and they end up as hookers in Thailand or Saudi Arabia. Anyway, these ads were popular and they did work. They were a common sight in church bulletins and the scandalous nature of the mail-order brides relationship was often ridiculed and scorned by others, much the same way we, the non-believers in E-harmony dot com scorn all those happy couples that met on that site.
Today's world, where every concept and everybody is changing so rapidly, finds itself still embracing firmly the concept of personal ads. Even though the morality of the world has changed so dramatically over the past fifty years and really, super, ultra drastically over the past two or three hundred years, the acceptance of the personal ad to gain a lover is still widely accepted by most and still mocked by the rest. The only thing that I can think of that might have changed would be the additions of the "FETISH, MEN SEEKING MEN, WOMEN SEEKING WOMEN, COUPLES SEEKING MEN OR WOMEN, and I SAW YOU" sections of the personals section in the newspaper. The JUST FRIENDS section has always been there and it's still filled with former Young Lifers that missed the boat and are forced to live alone forever.
The attitude toward personal ads is still treated with a lot of mixed reactions depending on how cool you are socially. Most stuck up, morally self-righteous people think the ads are foolish and a cop out, which would feed into my earlier statement of "...Father of invention...". Other more cool, hip daddy-o's see the ads as the only available release from busy lives that can no longer accommodate healthy chunks of social time for dating or "getting to know each other" hence the "...Mother of invention..." portion of the equation. Mixed into both groups is a group of smart asses and perverts, who either enjoy the reading the ads recreationally or who place the ads to avoid having to meet people the human way because they're shy and have no verbal skill or their just simple sex addicts and this is something new. My attitude falls into many categories and I have no problem with the ads. I think it's good for those people that it works for and sad for the people have only this option to turn to. I think it's okay to use the ads, but I hope it doesn't fully replace real human interaction. Of course, I am a huge fan of seduction and ads are but one method that can be used, so it can't be overlooked, but it can't be the only method used either.
Over the past fifty years, the dating world has seen the demise of courting, wooing, effective flower giving and asking permission to date someone's daughter. A lot of this is women seeking out equality from men and this confuses men into dark corners where they are lost as to what to do. When this happens, men traditionally fight back by punishing women by taking away the little behaviors that they think women enjoy - Courting, wooing, flowers... Men are also not good at figuring out the puzzle of women, neither are women for that matter, so it has made for some serious confusion and a lot of sex on the first, and only, date. This is good for some, and not so good for others. Ever since dating has taken this turn, meeting "the one" is more mythological now and not viewed as a possible reality to most people, it's become more of a quaint notion to fantasize about or to fuel the fire on long, cold and lonely days. In the meantime, date or screw anything that you want to until that fantasy comes along! This dreary defeatist type of thinking is what destroyed the whole, "not on the first date" mentality and it also destroyed the framework of what a "date" should be. Dating fifty years ago could be a walk down the lane. Now it's flying to Vegas for the weekend, getting a hooker, some blow and "getting to know each other". Picking up a girl in a bar fifty years ago most likely meant that she was there looking for someone to cheat on her husband with because single women never went to bars alone, ever. OR, she was a hooker. Meeting a girl in a bar today... Anything goes. The more the morality changed and the social standards along with it, the more it became possible to meet multiple people in multiple different locales, in multiple ways, for multiple reasons. That being the case, we slowly destroyed the concept of dating like we did fifty years ago.
And yet, the personal ad keeps chuggin' on....
The more the world changes the more humanity will seek out new ways to redefine it's time on the planet. The world will want to reinvent the rules of conduct and the more we will see the demise of the old ways. But, looming in the back pages of a weekly newspaper or appearing on web sites everywhere, will be: SWF seeking SBM for BD/SM exploration and friendship, Me; likes walks on beach, sunrises, cuddling. Very honesty and loyal, wild in bed. Friends first but who knows. You; Must have a strong value system, honest, faithful, charming family man that is well endowed.
No one is really honest in their ad, which is truly sad. With women, it's best foot forward and fill the ad full of romance so prince charming will find me and take me away. With men, it's shape, shape, size, size, money, money, screw. Women get lost in the dichotomy of their personalities and always leave out that they have quirks, hang ups and issues from past relationships. Men - shape, shape, size, size, money, money, screw. Women act soft in the beginning but get more stern and motherly toward the end, they set their limits but indicate the how to get around them. "I am soft and loving and would make a good wife and mother, but I love to blow you while you drive and I love anal. You must be free spirited and like to travel and enjoy fine wine, but also like to play with my two kids who live with me"... but not in so many words. Men - shape, shape, size, size, money, money, screw. Women embrace the poetry of the world around them and hope that it means something to the rest of the non-poetic men that read personal ads. "I like to cuddle up on the couch with a good movie, take long walks on the beach, pina coladas and gettin' caught in the rain". Men - shape, shape, size, size, money, money, screw. If you think there is a bias here, remember, men have really nothing to stand on when placing an ad. It's all in the women's court and if women's ads were more vulgar, so would men's. Men have to censor their ads completely otherwise it wouldn't work at all. Every male ad would say, FUCK ME! NO, NOT HIM, ME! FUCK ME! I WANT TO FUCK YOU AND THEN LEAVE THIRTY SECONDS LATER! I WILL COME BACK WHEN I WANT TO FUCK YOU AGAIN, BUT ON MY TERMS. DON'T LOOK AT HIM, LOOK AT ME! ...again, not in so many words.
There are probably some wonderful people that live at the end of some of these personal ads. I'm sure that many a great soul has been lost in time and space and we missed out. But, I think it's important to remember, that whatever brought that person to place the ad in the first place isn't going to go away because you arrived. They are still going to be the person they were before that ad and before you responded to it. They will be too busy, too flighty, not ready for commitment, married already, an addict or just kidding around. It's important to keep that in mind before you hitch your wagon to that special SPM who is HWP and looking for LTR that involves BD/SM and is herb friendly.
posted by Daniel Loomis | 10:28 AM
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