you could be swinging on a star

Interior. Hotel room with a large bed. Three people walk into the room, two men and a woman. The woman is dressed rather seductively and is walking with a confident strut in her high heels. One of the men is carrying a bag, the other is following the woman and exploring her body with his hands and eyes. As quickly as they walk in, the woman turns to the friendly man and starts to kiss him. The other man grabs a camera from the bag and starts taking photos. Clothes fly off. Kissing gets hotter, hands start to move more aggressively. The camera man starts to dictate the action, "take off her skirt. Grab her tits. Pull out his cock". The man and woman follow direction and begin to have sex. The camera man starts to disrobe and is still making commentary. "I love you, honey." and "that's really hot". The woman is breathing pretty hard and she tries to respond, "I love you too" and "do you like that? do you like watching me?"

Does this sound familiar to anyone? If it doesn't, would you like it to?

There are many names for it; Swinging, swapping, an orgy.... it's all the same. Couples that like to sleep with other couples or maybe just another person at the same time. There are really no rules to what can happen or what kind of situation will transpire. It's pure enjoyment for all involved, as long as everyone involved knows what's going on. The people that actively live this way refer to it by the codeword, "lifestyle". As in, "how long have you been in the lifestyle?" as opposed to the more obvious and harder to explain, "how long have you been a swinger or a wife swapper?" or "can i fuck your wife while you fuck mine?" Pretty hard to keep your intentions a secret with that one.

But not everyone involved in the lifestyle is trying to hide it. I didn't for years and years, and I know couples now that love to brag and advertise about their behavior. Not because they want people to participate, but because they DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU THINK! Which they will tell you should you decide to make a comment or two about how you feel about it. However, the majority of the couples involved don't talk out loud about it. It's a secret. They have kids, high profile jobs or they just don't want anyone to know what they are into. My favorite swingers are the ones that are closeted because they don't want people from church to know. I love that. There is this illusion that the majority of America is monogamous or wants to be, and that sleeping with others outside of a relationship is a mental or emotional disorder. But the majority of America does fool around. Sadly, most do it on their own, without their lover. They choose to play deceptively and consider that okay. This invites danger to the mix and is always more emotionally unsettling. People get hurt this way, People get killed. People ruin lives. All because they didn't have the courage to be honest about their desires, interests and needs. Ironically, it's these freaks that feel that couples that play together must have lost their fuckin' minds!

The truth is that there is more than one person out there for you. There are still people that turn you on and people that tempt you. If it was natural to sleep with just one person, your body and mind would not allow you to even be attracted to others. You would wait your whole life to find the one person that stirred your loins and then hope that theirs is stirred too, so you can hump. ( yes, I said hump) You would never sleep with more than one person and you would never be curious about doing so. But I think we all know that none of that is true. It's rare to find someone who has only had sex with one person and is never turned on by anyone. Those rare people have lost their fuckin' minds! I think we have seen what happens when people try to control their sexual urges. Priests. Adultery. Nuns leaving the habit. Jimmy Swaggert. Bill Clinton. Martin Luther King. Jesus. All of these people had no control over their sexual urges. They couldn't be honest about it and it ate them up.

Swinging couples are more confident than other couples. They are more emotional stable than other couples and don't have self-esteem issues, power or control issues, jealousy issues or possessiveness issues to contend with. They love each other and want what's best for their loved one. They understand that sex isn't a make or break event. They love their husband or wife and they want to see them happy. Sex is pleasure and not an indicator for whether or not someone loves you and they understand that. These swingers... They understand that sharing is better than hording. They understand the difference between love and sex, something so many others do not. I know swing couples that only one part of the couple is into swinging, but the other is understanding enough to let their spouse play and may participate just to show support. Much in the same way a woman may watch a football game with her husband even though she could care less about the sport. She does it because she loves him and is trying to show him that she's supportive. It's pretty common.

Not everyone can do it and I am not trying to sell the idea to anyone. If you are interested, you will know when you are ready. I think I am just tired of having to explain this to people. Those people who don't "get it" and are always asking questions that sound as if they are torturing themselves with the answers. They seem to actually project themselves and their relationship into the answers. They imagine their lover having sex with another person in front of them and you can actually see their face change when that thought enters their head. It's a pained looked. They quickly shake their head as if it will dislodge the thought and send it flying out their ear. But they keep asking question! Digging the hole! I answer their questions and they just get angrier and angier. The more they hear, the more they hate me and the more they want to find their spouse and kill them... for nothing! They hate all swingers. And take a borrowed sense of logic to justify their opinion. "It's morally wrong. It's not supposed to be that way." Blah, blah, blah..

I used to think that they were asking questions because they were looking for the wisdom that would make it possible for them to be comfortable swinger. It was as if there were a magic word that would justify their sexual desires for others and perhaps they could find it in themselves to make it work out. I think that they are okay with THEM having sex with others, but can not live with the thought of THEIR lover having sex with someone other than them. As I see it now, they are selfish, cold and always just thinking about themselves. Their lover's happiness and their love for that person is conditional. (all love is, but theirs is exceptionally conditioned, much more narrow, almost facist and self centered)

Not everyone is meant to be a swinger and there is no stereotypical swinger personality. You never know who is going to find their way into it. Some couples are married for twenty years and then find it. Some couples start that way in their first year, you can never tell. From those that I know that do swing, none of them started off sexually aggressive or particularly active. They were not the girl that did four boys in a truck and they were no cassanovas in high school or college. The ones I know are quiet types, very curious about life and work dull jobs which makes them focus their energies on a home life. There are some larger than life personalities that are swingers, those are my favorite. We should have a flag with them on it.

Most of the couples I know started with the man approaching the woman about exploring and the woman taking some convincing. However, when the women realize that they are usually on the receiving end of all the fun, they really get into it. Most couples started with inviting another woman to play with the wife, so she can explore. Rarely does this single woman want to have anything to do with the husband. Weird, huh? But it's like that a lot.

The second most common start off point is inviting another couple to "play" in the same room without any interaction between the two couples. Rarely do couples seek out single males, and for goooooooood reason. Here's why...

The single male is the least needed member of the lifestyle. There are enough men around that will do and they come with the added bonus of a wife or girlfriend. Who needs a single male... Anyway, there a literally millions and millions of single males and most of them are a waste. They have no charm, no charisma, no game and are nothing but walking ads for the lesbian lifestyle. There is a reason they are single, isn't there. However, those single males that do get the woman into bed usually lack the basic skills necessary to please then and those that can please a woman are generally dishonest or emotionally frightening. There is just too many things a single male can do wrong or have wrong with them. Something I am sure any woman would love to sit down and tell you about. This is not EVERY male, but most of them. The porn industry is as successful as it is (9 billion a year) because of the single male population of the world and their need to fantasize about a life that they don't have. Sadly, it's these single men that know the sexual underworld - where the swing clubs, swing parties and web sites are - that participate. These lower class citizens that fuck it up for everyone. Woe to the worthy single male. His trek is indeed a long and difficult one. Don't believe me, go to an event and see how much they charge a single male to attend. It's usually three times as much as a couple. Single women.... free, always. One acception to this rule is the single male that has a "record". He has proven himself and is considered welcome. He pays what couples pay. Single women on record, still free.

The single female is a prize. EVERYONE wants her. Couples, single males, you name it. And a bisexual woman is the holy grail. Of course, almost all swinging women are bisexual... but not all of them. It's a widely accepted sexual orientation within the swinger world and outside of it as well. The only people that don't like it are women who are not bisexual. It would seem that there are just not enough of these single, bisexual gals around. This forces couples to seek other couples with another bi female to play with. It's funny, sometimes the women want to play with each other and have nothing to do with the men, when this happens it forces the men to either stare at each other in an uncomfortable way, jack off while they watch, leave the room, fetch toys, towels or water, or learn to suck dick.

For all of the love and glory that is thrust upon the bisexual female by everyone, the opposite is true for the bisexual male. His world is full of scorn and torment. Bisexual women don't even like bisexual men. Now this isn't always true, but it is the norm. Swinging was started by women who wanted more, more, more and the idea that there is something that men can do without them is not very inviting. It's not viewed as very masculine and men are not much to look at in the first place. Two of them together must be twice as bad. Whatever the reasoning, it's a deal killer a lot of the time. Two couples meet, they talk, they show interest, it looks like it's going to happen, then the rules come out or the, "what do you two like to do or what do you like to do" and if the one of the men says, "bisexual" it seems to fall out of his mouth in slow motion. The air leaves the room and the other couple can't find enough reasons to walk away. This is common. (side note, men that say they are not bi, usually are, but their wife doesn't know and it's usually she that has a problem with it)

Swinging is a huge turn on for me. I have been doing it for 12 years or more and I have been with a lot of couples over that time. Great and glorious experiences, some of them weird and wild. Some too wild. Almost everything I learned about sex came from swinging couples. Almost all of my "firsts" were with couples and It's what I know. Most of my relationships have been with women that were swingers and they enjoyed it, even those that thought they wouldn't. Some didn't like it at all, but they weren't ready.. Or maybe they will just never be.. who knows? It has been a great deal of fun. I am still great friends with most of the couples I have been with, I hear from them often and I enjoy hearing about their lives. They all still love each other and have had a goooood summer from what I can gather from their emails and phone calls. One day I will get all these freaks together in Seattle and just let them at each other. NOW that would be something to see.

Last thought, the largest collection of swingers and swappers is not Las Vegas... it's Ohio.