hey, fuck you, honkey!
There lives among us on this planet, a noble steed of ancient lore.. a fabled creature of fantasy that was thought to only live on the pages of Piers Anthony novels. It's presence in today's world, is a reminder to us all that we do not know everything about mother nature's plans or, for that matter, how her sense of humor works.
There are unicorns, griffins, minotaurs and other creatures that are herd about with some regularity. Some of them have even become part of the decor in certain aspects of our world. But these creatures are not beyond imagination to us. Some of us actually wouldn't be shocked to see one we are so used to the imagery. I'm sure there is someone out there right now, telling people about his grandfather's unicorn. I know I would love to know there was a minotaur somewhere. That would be glorious.
The creature I refer to here, is something that you can see, but you probably never thought could exist. Perhaps the science channel will do a special on it, and other odd cross breeds, and we can all go, "wow, that's fucked up."
Here's some background..
A donkey is a small, very smart, very docile creature. It's a working animal and it does so without question and without much explanation. Other beasts of burden need some "prodding or goading" but a donkey don't take to kindly to that kind of thing...and will remember any slight ever done to it. Never cross a donkey, it will have it's day... even if that day is years later, when you least expect it... Maybe in a movie theater... Maybe when you are sleeping... Maybe when you are making love... That donkey will have "his"!
A mule, is a donkey that is bred to a horse making a large eared-full sized horse. (Which animal is on top is a matter of hysterics that I will allow your imagination to run wild with.) Mules are extremely strong. Very, very strong. Very stubborn and half as smart as a donkey, but twice as smart as a horse. You seeing the math yet?
A horse is pretty and covered with flies. Not too much there really. Costs a lot to feed, frightens Incans, tastes like dog food and glue.
A HONKEY, is a miniature mule. A very small mule. About the size of a dog. It's a donkey lookin-horse bein, animal of science fantasy that, I'm sure, none of you even knew existed. It's too small to ride down on your enemies with, too large to pet in your lap and too weird to eat. I see this new creature as the next pot belly pig of the new decade. Order yours today.
It's really amazing that with all that we do as humans to preserve our surroundings, our heritage and our standard of living that there is no end to the amount of death that we can cause on the planet if we decide to put our mind to the task and get rid of the rest of the lowly creatures. Apparently, just killing off other species isn't enough of a challenge. Apparently, we want to have some fun with DNA and eugenics before we let them all go. Let's not just kill off the other animals, let's play with them a bit and see what we can do. Eerily reminiscent of the nazis, eh?
Side note - Lost to the world today were 600 different species of plant and animal. Born into the world for the first time is perhaps twenty two replacement species designed for research, food or pleasure.
All this talk of animals, I forgot to mention the most entertaining news yet. Born into the world not two weeks ago were pure bred Newfoundland puppies. Supposedly the same breed as Heidi. I went to see the new pups and I felt guilty about the whole thing.
Pups are cute and that makes them appealing. But sharing my dog love with a new dog seems to be cheating Heidi out of her share of my affections. A new pup would require more time, more energy, more petting and that would cut into a Heidi's needs, as if I were leaving her for a younger girl. I can't do it to her. I just like my Heidi too much.
The argument is that Heidi would feel better with another dog around. She could play and teach and feel like she had someone to relate too. I don't see it that way. Heidi has put in her time and she isn't the nurturing type. She knows her role and she does it well. Any interloper added to the mix would be viewed with great scorn and I'm sure there would be a hole or two dug with that pup's name on it. ( we do have extra lime laying around...)
So no new pup. Heidi will have to do. Until she decides that she wants a new dog or passes away, I don't think we need another dog around here. I don't think we could find a duplicate Heidi anywhere. When she dies, her species will die off with her. The dog is one in a million and I don't think the scientists of the world are going to put too much effort into finding the recipe to make more like her. It's sad.
But I will get over it when I get a honkey.
There are unicorns, griffins, minotaurs and other creatures that are herd about with some regularity. Some of them have even become part of the decor in certain aspects of our world. But these creatures are not beyond imagination to us. Some of us actually wouldn't be shocked to see one we are so used to the imagery. I'm sure there is someone out there right now, telling people about his grandfather's unicorn. I know I would love to know there was a minotaur somewhere. That would be glorious.
The creature I refer to here, is something that you can see, but you probably never thought could exist. Perhaps the science channel will do a special on it, and other odd cross breeds, and we can all go, "wow, that's fucked up."
Here's some background..
A donkey is a small, very smart, very docile creature. It's a working animal and it does so without question and without much explanation. Other beasts of burden need some "prodding or goading" but a donkey don't take to kindly to that kind of thing...and will remember any slight ever done to it. Never cross a donkey, it will have it's day... even if that day is years later, when you least expect it... Maybe in a movie theater... Maybe when you are sleeping... Maybe when you are making love... That donkey will have "his"!
A mule, is a donkey that is bred to a horse making a large eared-full sized horse. (Which animal is on top is a matter of hysterics that I will allow your imagination to run wild with.) Mules are extremely strong. Very, very strong. Very stubborn and half as smart as a donkey, but twice as smart as a horse. You seeing the math yet?
A horse is pretty and covered with flies. Not too much there really. Costs a lot to feed, frightens Incans, tastes like dog food and glue.
A HONKEY, is a miniature mule. A very small mule. About the size of a dog. It's a donkey lookin-horse bein, animal of science fantasy that, I'm sure, none of you even knew existed. It's too small to ride down on your enemies with, too large to pet in your lap and too weird to eat. I see this new creature as the next pot belly pig of the new decade. Order yours today.
It's really amazing that with all that we do as humans to preserve our surroundings, our heritage and our standard of living that there is no end to the amount of death that we can cause on the planet if we decide to put our mind to the task and get rid of the rest of the lowly creatures. Apparently, just killing off other species isn't enough of a challenge. Apparently, we want to have some fun with DNA and eugenics before we let them all go. Let's not just kill off the other animals, let's play with them a bit and see what we can do. Eerily reminiscent of the nazis, eh?
Side note - Lost to the world today were 600 different species of plant and animal. Born into the world for the first time is perhaps twenty two replacement species designed for research, food or pleasure.
All this talk of animals, I forgot to mention the most entertaining news yet. Born into the world not two weeks ago were pure bred Newfoundland puppies. Supposedly the same breed as Heidi. I went to see the new pups and I felt guilty about the whole thing.
Pups are cute and that makes them appealing. But sharing my dog love with a new dog seems to be cheating Heidi out of her share of my affections. A new pup would require more time, more energy, more petting and that would cut into a Heidi's needs, as if I were leaving her for a younger girl. I can't do it to her. I just like my Heidi too much.
The argument is that Heidi would feel better with another dog around. She could play and teach and feel like she had someone to relate too. I don't see it that way. Heidi has put in her time and she isn't the nurturing type. She knows her role and she does it well. Any interloper added to the mix would be viewed with great scorn and I'm sure there would be a hole or two dug with that pup's name on it. ( we do have extra lime laying around...)
So no new pup. Heidi will have to do. Until she decides that she wants a new dog or passes away, I don't think we need another dog around here. I don't think we could find a duplicate Heidi anywhere. When she dies, her species will die off with her. The dog is one in a million and I don't think the scientists of the world are going to put too much effort into finding the recipe to make more like her. It's sad.
But I will get over it when I get a honkey.
posted by Daniel Loomis | 5:25 PM
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