ants

Each home has it's own pest. Whether it's rats, mice, cockroaches, bees, beetles, silverfish, spiders, children, grandparents, old annoying friends, grown children that won't move out or religious zealots with no sense of interior decoration there are pests in every home. Millions of dollars, maybe billions of dollars, are spent, each year, to rid our homes of these pests. Sadly, nothing works. ( I still say fire is the best cleanser )

For my tiny hamlet, the word on the street is, "ants". They are everywhere. Making a name for themselves and bringing down the property values. They hang out past curfew; drinking, smoking, drag racing and carrying on. "Up to no good", they say, "something should be done!"

My home has it's pest, more than most, but I live in harmony with all of them. Bees are fine, they serve a purpose. Mice are just asking for it from the hungry cats that live only to watch them die. There are no rats, no roaches, no beetles and no silverfish. Spiders are a problem, but after a few dozen bites, you grow immune to their venom and they just become entertainment. There is nothing like watching someone over react to the first sight of a spider.

When I was younger, a friend of mine lived in an apartment that was so overrun with bugs that you couldn't sit down without killing ten of them. I don't know what they were, roaches, most likely. The landlord wouldn't do anything about it, so my friend started taping each bug he found to wherever he found it. After a few days, his walls looked polka-dotted with scotch-taped bugs everywhere. I think he got his message across.

For some reason, the ants haven't made their way out to the house. They seem to be an "in town" problem and I am mixed about how I feel when I hear about them. On one hand, I feel bad, ants suck and nothing, and I mean NOTHING, kills them. There are millions of poisons, family tricks and traps, but nothing works, they can withstand anything. On the other hand, I am glad. Glad that it isn't my house. I am trying to stay in the conversation and act as if I can help, but other than going to their house and stomping on them, what can I do? I don't know. You can't tell people, "fire" for every dilemma that comes up. Eventually they will begin to think you are a pyro and you will be blamed for every structure fire in town for years to come. It's best to keep the, "fire" comments to a minimum.

Some problems just don't go away. Karl Rove did a bad, bad thing and even congress and the courts, couldn't bring him down. The media left him alone and he remains America's most notable pest.

Some of you have jobs that have pestilent overtones to them. A co-worker, a scheduled task, or a major burden, that is just so annoying any you just can not figure out how to overcome it. I know people that see the passage of time as a pest. Either it is not happening fast enough or it's happening too fast. Which ever way you see it, time is just fucking with you.

So for all of you with ants in your life, a problem so pestilent that it won't go away and there is nothing you can do about it, I have this to say, "What? What do you want from me? I can't come there and step on it for you."

In other words, it's your pest, don't share it.