get out

Too many of the people I know in this world have a blemish on their relationship record. And when I mean blemish, I don't mean to say that they did something wrong. What I mean to say is that, at one time or another, most of my friends were in an abusive relationship. One where they tended to be on the wrong side of a darkness.

The most common abuse is verbal abuse. Taking undue criticism and being beat down by a loved one. Second is emotional abuse, which is closely related to verbal, but contains fewer conversations and involves more scaring. Third, is physical. The type of relationship that starts with a shove, a slap or grapple that is a bit too tight and lasts a bit too long, and eventually progresses to weapons. All of my friends have come through and moved on. Some have walked right into another damaging relationship, not having learned anything from the first.

As a friend, you have to watch from the sidelines and no amount of commentary from you is going to make a difference. "Get out", you tell them, "cut your losses and run". They never really listen. You know they aren't listening when you hear them say, "I know, I know" and begin to try to explain it away or give you further details of the abuse as if that will make a difference. It's irritating. I hate it.

In the past few decades, there have been thousands of books written, organizations formed and federally funded programs developed to help those in abused relationships. But for some reason, it continues. The abused walk right back in. It makes you wonder if they want it that way. I don't believe that's true, but I do believe that their behavior is a very telling sign of human behavior... We hate to be wrong.

A really well conceived lie is worth a million truths. It's so satisfying to believe in a fantasy and ignore the truth. The abused of the world live this way for years, some for decades or more, and they never believe that they it's "all that bad". I am stymied. As are many of you that have friends in such relationships.

The real disgusting thing is that the more this goes on, the more you want to distance yourself from it and either they stop calling you because they can't, or won't or you stop talking to them because you think them stupid and just talking to them makes you mad. So they are abandoned to go it alone.

People abuse others for various reasons. I am going to play the part of an abuser and reveal what I can if you can tolerate to read it...

I am not the person I wanted to be. I wanted more, and either circumstance, choice, misdirection, misguidance, genetics, bad luck, missed opportunity or fate has made me this person and I don't like it. Anyone who does like this person or encourages me, compliments me or admires me, is stupid and I don't respect them. The more they remind me the more rage grows.

I drink, take drugs, watch television because I am not that person and these things pacify me, any interruption, discouragement or dissention shall be meet with resistance.

I hate my life but I must maintain a strong front and in order to do that, I will share my pain with others, making their lives more miserable than mine.

I am sharing my experience with others. It happened to me.

I don't want to be married with kids, I want to fuck anyone I want and I don't want the women I fuck to fuck (or even desire) other people.

I don't like kids interrupting MY time with responsibility, I want to be the free spirit I was when I was a kid and not have to worry about this shit.

I wanted to be taller, cuter, more endowed, smarter, richer, leaner and more popular.

People piss me off with their success and achievement where I have none.

People piss me off with their ability to be happy where I have none.

People piss me off with their stupidity where I have none.

People piss me off with their lives where I have none.

I need a place to put all this frustration.


I hope that those of you in your relationships realize that rage is eternal. It's hard to let go of it, because to let go of it would mean that you were wrong in the first place and that would just add to the misery. To be wrong again...

It's hard to live in reality. It's hard to accept your place in the world and find some peace within it. They drink to make the frustration go away and to pass the time it takes as they stand in line to die. If they hit, it feels good, they release some rage and feel empowered and in control of something. If you stay, it confirms their feelings.

If they call you names, demean you, undermine you, it's too make themselves feel better and to keep you in check. The idea being, you need to idol them and feel that their praise is worthy for someone as worthless as you. You will live your whole life trying to be good enough and to be respected by them to no avail.

It's hard to hear your tails of woe. I am sorry that so many of you are suffering. Get out. There is nothing more you can do. IT WILL NEVER GET BETTER. EVER. THERE IS NO VALID REASON TO STAY. YOUR CHILDREN ARE NOT AN EXCUSE AND YOU WILL ONLY RAISE THEM TO BE ABUSERS. GET OUT.

Kind of a tough one today.