my space, which means, stay away from me
Irony. It's slowly becoming my favorite form of entertainment.
- A 10 year old girl crosses her fingers before she walks into a dark room. She enters the room hastily and runs into the door jam, breaking the two crossed fingers.
- A semi-famous actor, who is a member of PETA, freed two dozen lobsters from a grocery store water tank. Of course, the grocery store was in Kentucky(1034 miles to the nearest ocean) and eight of the lobsters died before they could be captured and returned to the tank.
- A Seattle man, that worked for Boeing aircraft as a safety inspector ( He is actually a redundancy inspector, he is the third person to check for errors) dies in an airplane crash. The plane was a Boeing aircraft and the accident was caused by a failure in a part he is supposed to have inspected.
- The man that lives with bears and films their activity to show the world what gentle creatures they are, is mauled to death and eaten by the very bears he is filming.
- A man who teaches gun safety to children is accidently shot to death by his own 9 year old son.
As you can see, I love me some irony. There is just too much joy in life's little simple twists of fate. You can not tell me you are not a little entertained by Bushie the kid pounding his fist and stating, "We will find who ever leaked this information and they will be brought to justice" only to have his investigation lead back to him. He now claims that he has the right to "declassify" any information he wishes. You can't tell me that you are not amused by that. With us or against us... Make up your mind...
Irony, that's my new favorite form of passing the time. In my sickening quest to be further amused by the painful and accidental end of those that began on the safest of footings, I have come across many a great website listing just such events. Here are some things I have discovered
- It turns out that almost all irony is painful. There are rarely any ironic stories that don't have a death or massive amounts of bodily harm attached to the "ironic" part of the story.
- In some cases irony has been about the loser, winning - The underdog. The cinderella story. David defeating Goliath. That sort of thing. I think this is a case of the Gods trying to cope with their guilt. I think that occasionally the depth of the pain caused by all this irony gets too much and a little magic needs to get sprinkled on a "feel good" story. Disney has made a fortune making movies about these magically moments. (they even have one called - Miracle) Of course, even when the little man wins, the big man loses, which is really the irony in the tale, sor perhaps all irony is painful.
SO, it's not too surprising that sitting here trying to entertain myself about the painful ends of others that I myself am slowly killing myself by SITTING HERE DOING NOTHING. That's right, I have become a sad irony. Somewhere in my search for great ironic web sites it occured to me what was happening and I began to laugh hysterically. Then, for some reason, in all that ironic laughter, a simple thought ran through my head that seemed to be the answer I was looking for in this quest, "My space". The greatest monument to conscience irony that has ever been concieved. It's a site dedicated to being ironic in every way.
For those of you that don't know, My Space is a site dedicated to.... to... justifying not going out side and meeting people in person. It's a web site that is promoted as a place where you "can meet others just like yourself and let people know what you are all about." It's a site that allows you to create a profile of YOU with photos of YOU and yours, a catalog of your personal interests - favorite movies, etc, a personal calendar, a diary and a history. It allows you to post a blog AND probably the greatest My Space offering, "online friends". That's right, friends. Not real friends. These are people you either barely know or you don't know at all, so thank the gods that you both share the only quality that matters online, they are on My Space too. They share your shame.
There are profiles on My Space with 4000 friends. 4000!!!! I'm sure these are the great friends that will bail you out of jail, attend your wedding and buy you a ticket to a show and surprise you with it. These are those kinds of friends aren't they? No. These are people that you have either heard of, think are cute, or have done something that means they are REAL friends... They added you to their friends list. That's right, they contacted... You. They wanted to be YOUR friend. Which makes them the greatest friend you have out of your 4000.
4000!!!! And that's nothing. I'm sure if you spent hours sifting through the 10 plus million people that are on the site, you will find others with friends numbering in the 100,000's or in the millions. Why not, if you spend enough people inviting people to your birthday party, at some point you are going to find some that are going to say yes.
So, this site is dedicated to "making friends" without ever having to leave your house. These friends, most of whom you will never talk to in person, These friends that share your interest in meeting "real people" are unfortunately, like you, busy at the moment surfing My Space, looking for friends... Just like them.
One day the My Space community will have a meet and great and all ten million people will show up in a field in Northern Manitoba( the only place large enough to hold ten million people with stiff achey knees and cronic carpal tunnel) and they will get a chance to talk face to face for the first time. Hopefully, it will help these people get out into the sun. Hopefully they can relearn how to mix and mingle with other humans without using a keyboard. It will be lovely. They will finally be able to ask questions about those favorite songs and to finally see what "Jumpy Jenny" from North Carolina really looks like. Is she really the southern beauty that you thought she was when you added her to your "friends" list? No, Jumpy Jenny looks just a little tired and a few years, a few pounds, past that profile photo. I doubt she does much jumping at all these days.
One day, when the fad of My Space has faded into Tickle Me Elmo-land, we are all going to hear a lot of people claiming that they, "Were never on the My Space. I have always made friends the old fashion way." No one will own up to having been on my space. I will. I was on it for a while because other comics told me that it was a good marketing tool. So far, one comic has made it work for them, the rest of the comics that I know on the site have nothing to show for it. However, I, personally, did get in touch with some old friends because of the site. I prefer my friends in real time, with no gliches in their streaming video as we talk.
You can never tell when you are setting yourself up for another one of life's juicy little ironic tales. When the Gods are going to amuse themselves with your life, the best you can hope for is that it won't be a death that they want to see from you that day. No matter what you do with your day, there is bound to be a dash of irony involved with it somewhere. Just hope that to as you sit there for nine hours, filling out a profile that tells the world how much you like to "take long walks, swim in the ocean and stay active", that your heart doesn't stop due to a blood clot that was formed in your leg from sitting too long.
- A 10 year old girl crosses her fingers before she walks into a dark room. She enters the room hastily and runs into the door jam, breaking the two crossed fingers.
- A semi-famous actor, who is a member of PETA, freed two dozen lobsters from a grocery store water tank. Of course, the grocery store was in Kentucky(1034 miles to the nearest ocean) and eight of the lobsters died before they could be captured and returned to the tank.
- A Seattle man, that worked for Boeing aircraft as a safety inspector ( He is actually a redundancy inspector, he is the third person to check for errors) dies in an airplane crash. The plane was a Boeing aircraft and the accident was caused by a failure in a part he is supposed to have inspected.
- The man that lives with bears and films their activity to show the world what gentle creatures they are, is mauled to death and eaten by the very bears he is filming.
- A man who teaches gun safety to children is accidently shot to death by his own 9 year old son.
As you can see, I love me some irony. There is just too much joy in life's little simple twists of fate. You can not tell me you are not a little entertained by Bushie the kid pounding his fist and stating, "We will find who ever leaked this information and they will be brought to justice" only to have his investigation lead back to him. He now claims that he has the right to "declassify" any information he wishes. You can't tell me that you are not amused by that. With us or against us... Make up your mind...
Irony, that's my new favorite form of passing the time. In my sickening quest to be further amused by the painful and accidental end of those that began on the safest of footings, I have come across many a great website listing just such events. Here are some things I have discovered
- It turns out that almost all irony is painful. There are rarely any ironic stories that don't have a death or massive amounts of bodily harm attached to the "ironic" part of the story.
- In some cases irony has been about the loser, winning - The underdog. The cinderella story. David defeating Goliath. That sort of thing. I think this is a case of the Gods trying to cope with their guilt. I think that occasionally the depth of the pain caused by all this irony gets too much and a little magic needs to get sprinkled on a "feel good" story. Disney has made a fortune making movies about these magically moments. (they even have one called - Miracle) Of course, even when the little man wins, the big man loses, which is really the irony in the tale, sor perhaps all irony is painful.
SO, it's not too surprising that sitting here trying to entertain myself about the painful ends of others that I myself am slowly killing myself by SITTING HERE DOING NOTHING. That's right, I have become a sad irony. Somewhere in my search for great ironic web sites it occured to me what was happening and I began to laugh hysterically. Then, for some reason, in all that ironic laughter, a simple thought ran through my head that seemed to be the answer I was looking for in this quest, "My space". The greatest monument to conscience irony that has ever been concieved. It's a site dedicated to being ironic in every way.
For those of you that don't know, My Space is a site dedicated to.... to... justifying not going out side and meeting people in person. It's a web site that is promoted as a place where you "can meet others just like yourself and let people know what you are all about." It's a site that allows you to create a profile of YOU with photos of YOU and yours, a catalog of your personal interests - favorite movies, etc, a personal calendar, a diary and a history. It allows you to post a blog AND probably the greatest My Space offering, "online friends". That's right, friends. Not real friends. These are people you either barely know or you don't know at all, so thank the gods that you both share the only quality that matters online, they are on My Space too. They share your shame.
There are profiles on My Space with 4000 friends. 4000!!!! I'm sure these are the great friends that will bail you out of jail, attend your wedding and buy you a ticket to a show and surprise you with it. These are those kinds of friends aren't they? No. These are people that you have either heard of, think are cute, or have done something that means they are REAL friends... They added you to their friends list. That's right, they contacted... You. They wanted to be YOUR friend. Which makes them the greatest friend you have out of your 4000.
4000!!!! And that's nothing. I'm sure if you spent hours sifting through the 10 plus million people that are on the site, you will find others with friends numbering in the 100,000's or in the millions. Why not, if you spend enough people inviting people to your birthday party, at some point you are going to find some that are going to say yes.
So, this site is dedicated to "making friends" without ever having to leave your house. These friends, most of whom you will never talk to in person, These friends that share your interest in meeting "real people" are unfortunately, like you, busy at the moment surfing My Space, looking for friends... Just like them.
One day the My Space community will have a meet and great and all ten million people will show up in a field in Northern Manitoba( the only place large enough to hold ten million people with stiff achey knees and cronic carpal tunnel) and they will get a chance to talk face to face for the first time. Hopefully, it will help these people get out into the sun. Hopefully they can relearn how to mix and mingle with other humans without using a keyboard. It will be lovely. They will finally be able to ask questions about those favorite songs and to finally see what "Jumpy Jenny" from North Carolina really looks like. Is she really the southern beauty that you thought she was when you added her to your "friends" list? No, Jumpy Jenny looks just a little tired and a few years, a few pounds, past that profile photo. I doubt she does much jumping at all these days.
One day, when the fad of My Space has faded into Tickle Me Elmo-land, we are all going to hear a lot of people claiming that they, "Were never on the My Space. I have always made friends the old fashion way." No one will own up to having been on my space. I will. I was on it for a while because other comics told me that it was a good marketing tool. So far, one comic has made it work for them, the rest of the comics that I know on the site have nothing to show for it. However, I, personally, did get in touch with some old friends because of the site. I prefer my friends in real time, with no gliches in their streaming video as we talk.
You can never tell when you are setting yourself up for another one of life's juicy little ironic tales. When the Gods are going to amuse themselves with your life, the best you can hope for is that it won't be a death that they want to see from you that day. No matter what you do with your day, there is bound to be a dash of irony involved with it somewhere. Just hope that to as you sit there for nine hours, filling out a profile that tells the world how much you like to "take long walks, swim in the ocean and stay active", that your heart doesn't stop due to a blood clot that was formed in your leg from sitting too long.
posted by Daniel Loomis | 12:35 PM
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