every little thing she does is magic

Normally when something comes to me, I let it roll around in my brain and it festers there for a bit before I write about it, but in this case, I'm just letting it fly. For all of you out there that want to be writers, this is usually not the best way to handle a good idea. Not that I know that for sure, but it sounds good to say.

It's a flirting tactic and it's usually a sign of an escalation in friendly behavior. During a banter with someone, a phrase or a word might fall out of your mouth and the person with whom you are engaged in a conversation with, will take that phrase or word and give it a sexual connotation. For example; You are chatting about cooking and you say, "make it spicier" and the other person says, "oooohhh, I like to make it spicy" or something to that effect. Normally, this is a good sign and it can mean that something yummy is about to happen, but often it's just annoying, especially if you don't want to see the situation escalate. You can say what you want, you can tell that person point blank that you are not having any of what they are doing, and it still doesn't work. "ooooohhh, why don't you make me stop." [side note - it's illegal to hit them or set them on fire]

I had my moments where I was being the louse, it was when I was in my early twenties and I wasn't aware of how annoying it was at that time. I thought it was cute, which is what I think everyone who does it thinks. I was that louse perpetuating the banter and I will admit my guilt. WHY? Perhaps this kind of banter is a last ditch effort to get the other person to understand your true intention. Perhaps there is a notion that if you continue to do it long enough that they will somehow magically get in the mood and then you can bed them. I don't know. But whatever the case may be, it's annoying to both the person it's directed at and to those that are too close and have to overhear it.

I think the equation to presenting these little phrases is this: one part intention added to two parts coyness. Divide that by self-esteem and then multiply that by the situation and you get the odds of you actually saying something like, "oooohhh, you can add my figures together anytime." The ratio of success is a figure that I would like to see. How many people actually fall for these lines? It never worked for me. (Maybe that's why I don't like it...)

For me, the biggest turn off is someone that is coy. I can't stand someone who feels that beating around the bush is a good thing (ooohh, you can beat around my bush.....). I have said it before and I will say it again, I LIKE it when people are direct. I like to see that they have a spine, some courage and have no doubt about what they want. People who second guess themselves are not sexy. They can be cute, but they are never sexy.

I guess I am being overly dramatic about this, but like I said, I haven't had time to really think about this issue thoroughly. Perhaps with a few more days it will all make sense, but for now, it's just a rant. I think I need to get over my disdain for coy people and I think what I need to do is just embrace the coy comments and run with them. Maybe what that other person is trying to do is test my intelligence and see if I can run with the banter. It's true that good banter is a sign of intelligence, so perhaps it is a test. Banter is a gift that few people possess and it's sad that the bantering of old, with it's superior overtones, has been ruined by interlopers that have borrowed it and then lowered its value. Instead of coyness being a "tell" that the person using it is probably smart, now it's a gamble. Are they smart or do they think Dean Koontz is a good novelist?

Any moron can banter now and the quality of the banter is slightly lower than rap lyrics in prolific meaning. I have seen people that were asked to leave junior high because they were not smart enough to cut the mustard (oooohhh, you can cut my mustard....) use banter to seduce people and it's revolting. Every time I hear it come from one of their mouths, for some reason images of Nagels, tiger print blankets, glass coffee tables, particle board entertainment centers and matching black hexagonal plates, bowls and glasses all come to mind. I seem to equate cheap banter with people that haven't taken Bon Jovi's "Slippery when wet" out of the CD player. (ooooh, you can play my CD....) It's wrong of me. Dead wrong. And yet, I can't do much about it.

I'm being harsh, I know it. I need to let go of this and just accept that some people don't know how to use their eyes or their smile to seduce someone or and get their point across. For some people, a quick, "ooohhhh" added to the beginning of a retort is all they have to get someone to rut with them. It takes different strokes and their strokes are just not moving in the same direction as mine. (oooohhhh, I like different strokes....) I'm sure that my tactics are probably not accepted (probably-nothing, I know they're not) by everyone. I have seen more than one person run from the room when confronted with my forward nature. So who am I to judge what other tactics people use to get laid. (ooohhhhh, I like - well I guess you can't be coy when you say that)

If you're one of these "ooooohhh-ers" then I would like to apologize. I hope that it works for you and I hope that you find all the happiness that you need. Perhaps if we meet you would do me the courtesy of not using your little catch phrase on me. If I do hear it, I will most likely jump on my extreme retort bandwagon and let some choice phrases fly. I am warning you in advance, my banter is not cheap movie line quality. I don't borrow my little phrases or my delivery from Meg Ryan or either of the Fiennes brothers. I tend to go the extreme to see if you can retort to what I say. Come on! I dare you to put an "oooohhh" in front of one of my favorites. Here are some examples: I have no problem telling women that I am going to make their ass bleed or that I don't want to see them spit or swallow, I want them to gargle and then spit it into another girl's mouth. If they thought they were a freak before, this will usually wipe that fantasy out of their head... or it means Daniel is going to have one hell of a night.

I would like to hear back from you on some of the best coy lines that you have heard in your lifetime. They make me sick, but I think I need to learn to accept them. I don't think I will ever like them, but at least, I can get past my hatred of them.