more touring than you can shake a stick at

Monterey, California. The last great strong hold of conservative politics on the west coast. Just a mere 134 miles south of the largest concentration of liberals in the world, Berkeley. Monterey was the site of the Monterey Pop festival (creative name eh?) that brought us the greatest known performances of Otis Redding, Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix. ( all in one night and on one stage) Cannery Row, for all of you who know what that means, is in Monterey. The second largest aquarium in... California, is in Monterey. Yes, Monterey has a lot going for it. A lot to be proud of and a lot to offer a magic man, such as myself.

And this week... I am going to Monterey. My show isn't going to be the history making event that Otis, Janis and Jimi made, but they didn't have to perform with "two drink minimum" printed on the bottom of their tickets, undermining the integrity of their show. However, when a man like me - a simple, quiet, humble man - is invited into California to give it all he's got in front of conservative aquarium loving cannery workers, I have to step up my game. I have to give those "Calis" all I have. People could get hurt, or die, and I am not sure if I am going to make it back alive, so, with that hanging over my head, I have put this, last will and testament together.

I would like to leave all my clothes to a man that doesn't know his sexiness potential. I would like to think that my clothes will bring out in him an inner, "man-whore" that lives in every human. Perhaps he can finish the work I have started. To select such a man, I looked at my world and have come up with the best candidate, and the most worthy soul, for a gift such as this - Brad Pitt. I think he could use the help. A little of my mojo and I think this man could be something.

I would like to leave my car to the people I think need it the most. People that need reliable transportation and enjoy the color green. I am leaving the car to the great people of North Dakota. Perhaps with reliable wheels, all nine of them will be able to join the rest of the free world and experience the glory that is, Sonic Drive Thru tater tots.

I would like to leave my computer to a dear friend. I hope that by giving this person my computer, they will see that the world can be theirs - if they really wanted it. I hope that they will use the Mozilla Firefox to view the internet - virus free. I hope that they discover the truth about the world, the way I see it. I hope that my computer, and all of its talents, will let them be the person I KNOW, deep down, they can be. I leave my computer to Bill Gates. I hope that he sees that a Macintosh computer is the answer to the questions, "Why are we here? Where do we come from? and Where do we go when we die?" (yes, a Mac can answer those questions for you.)

I don't own anything else, but if anything else is found that appears to be mine, either because no one else will claim it or because they want to get rid of it and they need a reason, then please give the rest of what is left to the RNC. I wouldn't want them to feel that they didn't a cut of my existence.

HEY!!!! If I do live... The rest of my spring tour is shaping up like this...

Northern Nevada in February.
Canada again.
Europe the next day.
Montana a few days later.
Spokane, Seattle, Tacoma and parts in between, a week later.
Maybe some Indianapolis, or some Louisville, or some Lexington sprinkled in between.

That's what I have to look forward to if I make it out of Monterey alive. Having lived through the barrage of hate emails from you about the "Invasion" series... I shall not "Invade" Canada or Europe.. I shall merely be "expanding my territories" on this go round.

I shall be skipping Thursday, in the mean time, visit counterpunch.org
(If I really do die... I hope you realize that I was kidding about giving my stuff away. I am a greedy pig, bury me with all of my stuff.)