fake fireplace
It's fire. I can see it burning, but it's not warm and the logs haven't crumbled into a heap of ashes. The wall nearest the fireplace is covered with a wallpaper mural that looks like a serene mountain pasture. In front of the mural is a large plastic palm tree that has Christmas lights on it. On the opposite side of the room is a large salad bar which contains all kinds of goodies, including imitation crab meat and syrupy sweet pears. After your salad, you might enjoy a veggie burger for dinner and at the end the meal, a serving of low fat frozen yogurt from the machine. ( with freshly minced Oreo cookie on top.)
Nothing about this room tells me that I should feel comfortable. If the powers that control the concept of this room are willing to create a world that is mostly faux, then they might be willing to take the next step and make me faux too. It's all completely possible. And I sit in my chair a little uneasy.
I don't mind the efforts that some people have to make to create a more aesthetically pleasing universe for them to live in. I understand that some people that live in cities need to see more in their life than just concrete and metal. I can see their need for a serene moutain pasture. I can understand two young lovers wanting to make love in front of fake fire instead of a radiator. I can even understand someone living in a Midwestern suburban home wanting a palm tree in their life to remind them that there is a paradise beyond the boundaries of their front door. But I don't understand the need for someone to put all of these elements together in one place. Especially when that place isn't in a city, the midwest, the suburbs, or an apartment. This is a small... Mountain... hamlet.
Carlton, Washington. A small "side of the road" made up of three small buildings - a fire house, a post office and a restaurant. The locals that live near by are well over a mile away and most likely use these buildings as a point of referrence when giving directions to their house. "Turn left just past the fire house", that kind of thing. Carlton is about twenty miles up the Methow Valley in the north central section of Washington state. It's a long, narrow valley, filled with orchards that sit on the banks of a pristine mountain river with water so pure that you can drink it. ( yes, it's that clean. Hard to believe, huh?) The valley is created by fairly small, but rather steep mountains that are covered with pine trees and deer droppings. It's a beautiful valley that I knew well in my youth and has since become the haven for Microsoft employees that took the stock options instead of the Company trip to Disneyworld.
Carlton isn't the largest or the most colorful or the most exciting town in the Methow, but it can boast the best salad bar. And salad to Washingtonians is king, which makes Carlton the place to dine in these parts. Nothing says "I live in the mountains and I make millions creating computer viruses" like a meal of beets, cottage cheese and Bartlett pears. Salad is a way of life in Washington and it makes us the healthiest state in the union. Healthy enough to climb mountains, swim in swift streams, cut down trees and smart enough to take those trees and make them into ugly little winter cabins that scar the sides of the mountains, BUT, we can sell those cabins to the unhealthy people, who don't know better. These people die within the first year of living there as they are not used to the heavy work load of living in a natural environment. I guess they looked at their wallpaper murals of mountain pastures and thought that life would be the same as they had it in their home towns, but with a better view. Then, one good snow and they all die. Leaving that winter cabin open for another dreamer to come in and freeze to death next year. Washington knows how to prosper off the desires of the unhealthy dreamer. I told you we were smart... And healthy.
Carlton will not impress you if you visit there. You will see the little restaurant and you will stop there because I told you about it. I'm sure the owners are going to think that they are being invaded by weirdos that only want to see their decor. Perhaps you'll make them feel good about what they have done to the place, but perhaps they will think you're mocking them. So, maybe it's a good idea if you buy something. No reason to give them a complex and scare them out of business. It's traditional around these parts to be kinda skittish about strangers coming in, viewing the land and then setting up shop nearby without permission and spreading cholera and influenza.
The rest of the faux in that room, as I recall, was in our minds. It was in our wanting to believe that it was real. We already lived in that mountain valley and we could see mountain vistas everyday that made this mural look like Earl Grey tea, so why did we look at it so lovingly? We lived a few hours away from one of the greatest seafood markets in the world and yet, we were eating up that faux crab like it was the latest and greatest catch to come off the docks. We all had fire places at home that were glowing red from the amount of heat that they were creating, but this fire was pretty and we all wanted to sit next to it. That palm tree.... Okay, none of us had access to a palm tree... But we had a million zillion pine, apple, pear and walnut trees around us, so what do we need with another type of tree? But we thought it was pretty clever to put Christmas lights in it. That was pretty impressive. To think that someone would be so classy as to add blinking lights to a tree... In March. That was was so avante garde at that time... Did I mention that this was 1984?
Nothing about this room tells me that I should feel comfortable. If the powers that control the concept of this room are willing to create a world that is mostly faux, then they might be willing to take the next step and make me faux too. It's all completely possible. And I sit in my chair a little uneasy.
I don't mind the efforts that some people have to make to create a more aesthetically pleasing universe for them to live in. I understand that some people that live in cities need to see more in their life than just concrete and metal. I can see their need for a serene moutain pasture. I can understand two young lovers wanting to make love in front of fake fire instead of a radiator. I can even understand someone living in a Midwestern suburban home wanting a palm tree in their life to remind them that there is a paradise beyond the boundaries of their front door. But I don't understand the need for someone to put all of these elements together in one place. Especially when that place isn't in a city, the midwest, the suburbs, or an apartment. This is a small... Mountain... hamlet.
Carlton, Washington. A small "side of the road" made up of three small buildings - a fire house, a post office and a restaurant. The locals that live near by are well over a mile away and most likely use these buildings as a point of referrence when giving directions to their house. "Turn left just past the fire house", that kind of thing. Carlton is about twenty miles up the Methow Valley in the north central section of Washington state. It's a long, narrow valley, filled with orchards that sit on the banks of a pristine mountain river with water so pure that you can drink it. ( yes, it's that clean. Hard to believe, huh?) The valley is created by fairly small, but rather steep mountains that are covered with pine trees and deer droppings. It's a beautiful valley that I knew well in my youth and has since become the haven for Microsoft employees that took the stock options instead of the Company trip to Disneyworld.
Carlton isn't the largest or the most colorful or the most exciting town in the Methow, but it can boast the best salad bar. And salad to Washingtonians is king, which makes Carlton the place to dine in these parts. Nothing says "I live in the mountains and I make millions creating computer viruses" like a meal of beets, cottage cheese and Bartlett pears. Salad is a way of life in Washington and it makes us the healthiest state in the union. Healthy enough to climb mountains, swim in swift streams, cut down trees and smart enough to take those trees and make them into ugly little winter cabins that scar the sides of the mountains, BUT, we can sell those cabins to the unhealthy people, who don't know better. These people die within the first year of living there as they are not used to the heavy work load of living in a natural environment. I guess they looked at their wallpaper murals of mountain pastures and thought that life would be the same as they had it in their home towns, but with a better view. Then, one good snow and they all die. Leaving that winter cabin open for another dreamer to come in and freeze to death next year. Washington knows how to prosper off the desires of the unhealthy dreamer. I told you we were smart... And healthy.
Carlton will not impress you if you visit there. You will see the little restaurant and you will stop there because I told you about it. I'm sure the owners are going to think that they are being invaded by weirdos that only want to see their decor. Perhaps you'll make them feel good about what they have done to the place, but perhaps they will think you're mocking them. So, maybe it's a good idea if you buy something. No reason to give them a complex and scare them out of business. It's traditional around these parts to be kinda skittish about strangers coming in, viewing the land and then setting up shop nearby without permission and spreading cholera and influenza.
The rest of the faux in that room, as I recall, was in our minds. It was in our wanting to believe that it was real. We already lived in that mountain valley and we could see mountain vistas everyday that made this mural look like Earl Grey tea, so why did we look at it so lovingly? We lived a few hours away from one of the greatest seafood markets in the world and yet, we were eating up that faux crab like it was the latest and greatest catch to come off the docks. We all had fire places at home that were glowing red from the amount of heat that they were creating, but this fire was pretty and we all wanted to sit next to it. That palm tree.... Okay, none of us had access to a palm tree... But we had a million zillion pine, apple, pear and walnut trees around us, so what do we need with another type of tree? But we thought it was pretty clever to put Christmas lights in it. That was pretty impressive. To think that someone would be so classy as to add blinking lights to a tree... In March. That was was so avante garde at that time... Did I mention that this was 1984?
posted by Daniel Loomis | 5:59 PM
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