the karoake singer
Alito... Delay... Bush... Cheney... Republicans all. Every one of them is in the news and each one is hoping for a better day, tomorrow. I don't really know what's going on with them and I don't care. If they are GOP and they are having a bad day, then that means I am having a good day and I don't want to jinx it. It seems the the very, very slow American public has finally picked up on the fact that they were being humped in the pooper for quite a long time and now they are no longer happy about it (it turns out that humping in the pooper is viewed as a gay thing and republicans aren't big on promoting gay lifestyle choices). The GOP is taking some serious hits on the popularity scale and it doesn't look like many of them are going to make a come back. None of them will see jail time, for the same reason that major movie stars never see jail time. No one with any amount of fame or fortune sees the inside of a jail, unless the charges are drug related (even then, if your last name is Bush, then you have nothing to worry about). But even with a stay out a jail free card, most of them will not see the popularity or power that they were used too in their heyday.
I must admit that I have been away for too long from the world of media propogated news and my opinions are a bit incomplete and I apologize if this is way off base. This is what I do know - Alito. I am not sure if Alito is good or bad, but if Bush nominated him then he must be bad. Delay. Delay has always been and will always be a huge piece of shit, so I don't need to follow his story for any new reports. Unless it's revealed that he is a transvesite, then I am not going to waste my time staring at his smiling face. I'm sure he's still smiling and still hoping to return to the throne after his little trial is over with (not unlike another powerful and corrupt leader that is on trial in a sandy country far, far away) Bush. I don't think words can express how bad it is that we finally feel the same way about him that the rest of the world does. I think that we should be baking a lot of cookies and sending them to other countries with a lot of notes asking for forgiveness. He can only get worse and his only salvation will be in Cheney dies. A nation loves a funeral and Bush's numbers might crawl back up if his VP takes a dump. Of course, Cheney isn't going to die easily. He is in love with that money and he isn't going to die without taking as much of it with him as he can. It's going to come as a great shock to him when he does die and his money stays here without him. Sadly, when he dies, he doesn't get to take anyone with him. Sad, isn't it?
My hope for the future is hard to define in these difficult times. I can't say that I have any hope that the world leaders are going to make our future any brighter for us. It's hard to believe that WE KNOW that our leaders are this incompetent and we sit by and let them fuck things up for us and we do nothing about it. It's amazing. How pathetic are we? I guess staying home so we can vote on who is the best 20 year old karoake singer in the land, is far more important than being able to sing our own song without the fear of going to jail for doing so.
Perhaps the answer does lie in Karoake. Perhaps a talent contest is how we can settle the debates and elect our officials. It works for Miss America and in Baking contests. So why don't we just have a political karoake contest for the leadership of the free world. The best singer wins the power to kill or preserve without being second-guessed. (Now isn't that more impressive than a record contract?) In order to keep it exciting, I think we should just keep it to a karoake contest. I don't want to see a lot of juggling, trumpet playing and tumbling in my future leaders. Let's just see who's voice is really "touched by angels" and therefore, the rightful leader of the most self-righteous country on the planet. "Of course he/she's right, haven't you heard him/her sing?" I think this might work. Aren't we always being told that we must engage in a massive amount of school activities if we want to get into the right school? So what do we do with all that talent after we get into the school? I think it could finally find it's usefullness... or we can just shit can all the B.S. about after school activities and just have everyone sing for everything. Job interviews. Raises. Dates. Sex. All decided by singing ability. What a glorious world we would live in if everyone was always singing for their supper.
Of course, for those of us that have seen a lot of karoake, this might not be the easiest thing in the world to pull off. I am going to make this statement and I hope it doesn't hurt anyone's feelings - Janis Joplin can kiss my ass. And Patsy Cline too. I realize that they had talented voices, but they have inspired too many women across this land to think that they can sing like them and too women have tried, and failed, with me listening. I would like to say that the first rule of the Karoake-sing-off-for-the-leadership-of-the-free-world contest is... No Joplin or Cline (for men, no Elvis, Sinatra, Dino, Led Zepplin, Lynard Skynard or Tone Loc) I realize that this will eliminate a lot of really talented people from obtaining the post, but if they can sing that well, then they can sing something else. No matter how great of a singer you think you are, you CAN NOT sing, "Me and Bobby McGee" or "Crazy". Stop it! Stop thinking about it! Give it up! Cease! Let those songs regain some of their respectability. (Pat Benetar should be on this list, but I love "Hell is for children")
The second rule - No costumes. No one is allowed to dress up like Dorthy from "The Wizard Of Oz" to sing. No one is allowed to dress up like Elvis and no one is allowed to put on a crazy wig to be Tina Turner or any lead singer from an 80's rock band. Let's see the politicians just wear their normal bland suits and sing some Tesla.
The third rule - If they invite friends to the contest they have to order food and drinks. No one sitting there just drinking iced tea. The wait staff and the bar have to see some profit.
The fourth rule - No group efforts. At no time can a group of women get up to sing, "Love Shack" or "We are Family". It's an unfair advantage and it will be hard to split up the power between those involved. This is also true of duets. No "Summer lovin" or "Leather and Lace". Power couples rarely make for healthy countries.
I think this might be the answer to all our of political problems. It saves us from the outdated and useless political process that we have today and eliminates media scrutiny about backgrounds, phrasing or policy adjustments. If someone with the voice of god tells us that we are going to celebrate the Fourth of July on September 23rd, then we do it. No questions and no debate. Which frees up a lot of anxiety and eliminates a need for Fox news, MSNBC, CSPAN or any of the other boring channels that you pay for but never watch.
Kelly Clarkston for ruler of the free world in '06.
I must admit that I have been away for too long from the world of media propogated news and my opinions are a bit incomplete and I apologize if this is way off base. This is what I do know - Alito. I am not sure if Alito is good or bad, but if Bush nominated him then he must be bad. Delay. Delay has always been and will always be a huge piece of shit, so I don't need to follow his story for any new reports. Unless it's revealed that he is a transvesite, then I am not going to waste my time staring at his smiling face. I'm sure he's still smiling and still hoping to return to the throne after his little trial is over with (not unlike another powerful and corrupt leader that is on trial in a sandy country far, far away) Bush. I don't think words can express how bad it is that we finally feel the same way about him that the rest of the world does. I think that we should be baking a lot of cookies and sending them to other countries with a lot of notes asking for forgiveness. He can only get worse and his only salvation will be in Cheney dies. A nation loves a funeral and Bush's numbers might crawl back up if his VP takes a dump. Of course, Cheney isn't going to die easily. He is in love with that money and he isn't going to die without taking as much of it with him as he can. It's going to come as a great shock to him when he does die and his money stays here without him. Sadly, when he dies, he doesn't get to take anyone with him. Sad, isn't it?
My hope for the future is hard to define in these difficult times. I can't say that I have any hope that the world leaders are going to make our future any brighter for us. It's hard to believe that WE KNOW that our leaders are this incompetent and we sit by and let them fuck things up for us and we do nothing about it. It's amazing. How pathetic are we? I guess staying home so we can vote on who is the best 20 year old karoake singer in the land, is far more important than being able to sing our own song without the fear of going to jail for doing so.
Perhaps the answer does lie in Karoake. Perhaps a talent contest is how we can settle the debates and elect our officials. It works for Miss America and in Baking contests. So why don't we just have a political karoake contest for the leadership of the free world. The best singer wins the power to kill or preserve without being second-guessed. (Now isn't that more impressive than a record contract?) In order to keep it exciting, I think we should just keep it to a karoake contest. I don't want to see a lot of juggling, trumpet playing and tumbling in my future leaders. Let's just see who's voice is really "touched by angels" and therefore, the rightful leader of the most self-righteous country on the planet. "Of course he/she's right, haven't you heard him/her sing?" I think this might work. Aren't we always being told that we must engage in a massive amount of school activities if we want to get into the right school? So what do we do with all that talent after we get into the school? I think it could finally find it's usefullness... or we can just shit can all the B.S. about after school activities and just have everyone sing for everything. Job interviews. Raises. Dates. Sex. All decided by singing ability. What a glorious world we would live in if everyone was always singing for their supper.
Of course, for those of us that have seen a lot of karoake, this might not be the easiest thing in the world to pull off. I am going to make this statement and I hope it doesn't hurt anyone's feelings - Janis Joplin can kiss my ass. And Patsy Cline too. I realize that they had talented voices, but they have inspired too many women across this land to think that they can sing like them and too women have tried, and failed, with me listening. I would like to say that the first rule of the Karoake-sing-off-for-the-leadership-of-the-free-world contest is... No Joplin or Cline (for men, no Elvis, Sinatra, Dino, Led Zepplin, Lynard Skynard or Tone Loc) I realize that this will eliminate a lot of really talented people from obtaining the post, but if they can sing that well, then they can sing something else. No matter how great of a singer you think you are, you CAN NOT sing, "Me and Bobby McGee" or "Crazy". Stop it! Stop thinking about it! Give it up! Cease! Let those songs regain some of their respectability. (Pat Benetar should be on this list, but I love "Hell is for children")
The second rule - No costumes. No one is allowed to dress up like Dorthy from "The Wizard Of Oz" to sing. No one is allowed to dress up like Elvis and no one is allowed to put on a crazy wig to be Tina Turner or any lead singer from an 80's rock band. Let's see the politicians just wear their normal bland suits and sing some Tesla.
The third rule - If they invite friends to the contest they have to order food and drinks. No one sitting there just drinking iced tea. The wait staff and the bar have to see some profit.
The fourth rule - No group efforts. At no time can a group of women get up to sing, "Love Shack" or "We are Family". It's an unfair advantage and it will be hard to split up the power between those involved. This is also true of duets. No "Summer lovin" or "Leather and Lace". Power couples rarely make for healthy countries.
I think this might be the answer to all our of political problems. It saves us from the outdated and useless political process that we have today and eliminates media scrutiny about backgrounds, phrasing or policy adjustments. If someone with the voice of god tells us that we are going to celebrate the Fourth of July on September 23rd, then we do it. No questions and no debate. Which frees up a lot of anxiety and eliminates a need for Fox news, MSNBC, CSPAN or any of the other boring channels that you pay for but never watch.
Kelly Clarkston for ruler of the free world in '06.
posted by Daniel Loomis | 12:20 PM
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