invasion of europe
Episode #1
You didn't think I was going to let ILLNESS get in the way of a free trip to Europe, did YOU?
The trip starts in an early morning race with myself to get out of Canada. I am in my car with four bottles of fluids that I think are required for deathly ill driver. Coffee, Orange Juice, Gatorade and Water. Orange Juice cause it's good for you. Coffee cause it's good for Daniel's sanity. Gatorade is good for coloring your sweat, apparently. And water is just tasty.
I am loopy. It's freezing. The roads are icy, but I am tearing out of the down the road oblivious to the road hazard.
Drinking my Orange Juice, I think back on everything that has changed for me in since I last posted five weeks ago. I quit smoking, I have become dizzy. I have gained five million pounds (metric - five million pounds).
Drinking my Coffee, which got cold in the time it took me to drink that fucking Orange Juice. I get to listen to the Calgary Flames lose to the Red Lion Legion and drop out of first place in their division. The cold coffee, their loss and my lack of solid foods has made me willing to drive off Crowsnest pass into a lake and sulk about it.
Drinking my Gatorade... I didn't drink that Gatorade. I have weird taste buds now and gatorade ade is on the wrong side of the shitty flavored line. I did try.
Drinking my water I heard my Kansas Jayhawks prounce the Texas shitheels and win the Big 12 title. Then they got a four ranking in the big dance.
Side note. The only bummer about this trip to Europe... I am going to miss March Madness. For all of you left behind, sulking and jealous... I wish I was going to be in America to watch Kansas with you.. You lucky bastards.
By the time I got to Spokane, I had to pee real bad.
A little bit of love and I am on my way. I have only been in America 12 hours and I am already leaving it again.
This invasion is different as I am taking a backpack to Europe. Not so I can be cliche, but so I can make sure my luggage isn't chasing me all over Europe. On this trip, my socks are in the overhead compartment with my floss.
I leave America from Cincinnati, which means if I never come home. That will be my last memory of America.
Starting tomorrow. Day one Frankfurt to London OR Day one Frankfurt to Paris OR Day one Frankfurt to Amsterdam OR Day one Frankfurt to ill to move, in hotel for days one, two, three and four. Then day five, hunt down and smoot viciously the bastard that gave me this virus.
It was probably a child, they are covered with viruses. They are viruses.
You didn't think I was going to let ILLNESS get in the way of a free trip to Europe, did YOU?
The trip starts in an early morning race with myself to get out of Canada. I am in my car with four bottles of fluids that I think are required for deathly ill driver. Coffee, Orange Juice, Gatorade and Water. Orange Juice cause it's good for you. Coffee cause it's good for Daniel's sanity. Gatorade is good for coloring your sweat, apparently. And water is just tasty.
I am loopy. It's freezing. The roads are icy, but I am tearing out of the down the road oblivious to the road hazard.
Drinking my Orange Juice, I think back on everything that has changed for me in since I last posted five weeks ago. I quit smoking, I have become dizzy. I have gained five million pounds (metric - five million pounds).
Drinking my Coffee, which got cold in the time it took me to drink that fucking Orange Juice. I get to listen to the Calgary Flames lose to the Red Lion Legion and drop out of first place in their division. The cold coffee, their loss and my lack of solid foods has made me willing to drive off Crowsnest pass into a lake and sulk about it.
Drinking my Gatorade... I didn't drink that Gatorade. I have weird taste buds now and gatorade ade is on the wrong side of the shitty flavored line. I did try.
Drinking my water I heard my Kansas Jayhawks prounce the Texas shitheels and win the Big 12 title. Then they got a four ranking in the big dance.
Side note. The only bummer about this trip to Europe... I am going to miss March Madness. For all of you left behind, sulking and jealous... I wish I was going to be in America to watch Kansas with you.. You lucky bastards.
By the time I got to Spokane, I had to pee real bad.
A little bit of love and I am on my way. I have only been in America 12 hours and I am already leaving it again.
This invasion is different as I am taking a backpack to Europe. Not so I can be cliche, but so I can make sure my luggage isn't chasing me all over Europe. On this trip, my socks are in the overhead compartment with my floss.
I leave America from Cincinnati, which means if I never come home. That will be my last memory of America.
Starting tomorrow. Day one Frankfurt to London OR Day one Frankfurt to Paris OR Day one Frankfurt to Amsterdam OR Day one Frankfurt to ill to move, in hotel for days one, two, three and four. Then day five, hunt down and smoot viciously the bastard that gave me this virus.
It was probably a child, they are covered with viruses. They are viruses.
posted by Daniel Loomis | 11:09 AM
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