pre-invasion of america - day one

Tacoma, WA - Colville, WA - Spokane, WA
Riding time - 9 hours
Distance - 440 miles

Pre-Trip Trip.

I had a comedian staying at my house on Tuesday and Wednesday which was actually a good thing. Her presence forced me to SLOW DOWN and savor this experience and not get to so over-worked about this experience that I ruin it for myself. I was so involved in the pre-planning that I had all but forgotten to enjoy this experience. So thank you couch dweller for the hidden gift you brought to me.

"Packing" is the worst part of any trip and it's usually the part that ruins the rest of the experience because of what it asks of you. It's the "responsible" part of the dream and no one likes to have the constant reminder of reality BEFORE the dream. Dreams are best when the reality check comes at the end of the meal.

You don't pack enough, you suffer. You pack too much, you suffer. You take too much time packing, you don't get to go or you begin to assess the matter mathematically. Is this trip worth all this misery and headache? Is A worth more than B with C? This is the point where most people decide to say, "fuck it, I ain't goin' ". And it doesn't just happen on big trips, you can feel this way on any simple, trivial trip to the store. Every day, each one of us must leave our home for some reason and that requires some pre-trip planning. It may not be ulcer-inducing, but it can be too much and you can find yourself saying, "fuck it!" Sloth is a bitch!

I didn't focus on my trip for the two days before I left and when I finally got on the bike and passed mile marker number 53, I began feeling that neglect. My butt was the first to object and the dull ache of sitting on a motorcycle for a long period of time started to creep in. My skin was next up and its complaint was that it was just too cold to be riding without a parka for such a long period of time. After that, the rest of my body parts just fell into line; my arms, my feet, my legs, and then my ears... but not my eyes. My eyes were like a small child in a candy store. Everything that they could see - they wanted. It was a good day to be Daniel's eyes. For all of the anguish that the body was experiencing, the eyes trumped them all and the trip was just pure bliss. Beautiful trees. Delicious bodies of water sitting on top of incredible landscapes.

Never underestimate the weather. Just because it was 90 degrees one day, doesn't mean that it's going to be 90 the next. This was never more true than on the first leg of the pre-trip. I planned on the weather being a steamy sticky 95 degrees only to find the weather a dry, breezy 40. My tiny little tee shirt and my thin skinned khakis just sucked all that cold in and kept it there. I was a blue boy for 90 percent of the trip. That may seem like a bad thing, but in reality the cold numbed my legs, ass, arms and the rest of my sore appendages and made the ride pretty comfy. Nature just finds a way.

I hit Colville at 8 PM for an 8 PM show. My tardiness could have been a bad thing and I didn't realize how easy it is to get behind when riding on a bike. I think I might want to reconsider several of the trip legs if 370 miles is going to take 7 hours. There is a lot more risk involved with riding a bike and if I plan on scheduling anything I need to allow for more time to make sure that I can make it. Lesson learned.

Not that I could have done anything about it if I had had more time. I couldn't help myself. The landscape before Colville was just so perfect. The sun was setting over miniature mountains and their fully fruited valleys. It was a curvy road with no stop signs or heavy traffic. The bugs were too cold to come out and the setting sun was casting some very entertaining shadows across the road. Each pine tree created a unique zebra pattern across the dusky black top in front of me. I couldn't go fast, I didn't want to miss this. That and I was laughing so much that I couldn't see.

Never laugh in a helmet, it just doesn't sound natural. It's more sinister than joyful. However, laughing is better than singing in a helmet. That's a torture I wouldn't wish on anyone. Early in the trip I had my Ipod rolling and I was singing along as much as I could, but when the batteries fizzed out at mile marker 102, I was left with no music and a huge need to fill. So I started to sing to myself.

At this time, just for effect - everyone put an empty bucket on their heads (yes, empty preferred). Now sing. Notice how well you can hear your true tone? Now imagine keeping your head in that bucket for six hours and laughing, talking and singing to yourself. Pretty brutal eh?

I shall never sing publicly again. And I apologize to everyone that has ever spent time with me when I did.

The gig was a go. Pretty empty, but fun. The opening act, Mike, lives near me in Tacoma and he is working with me on the first three days of the real trip, so it was nice to see a familiar face that I know is funny. He's also a rider so we are going to cruise together next week. It will be nice to ride with someone for the first three days. He rides a huge Harley and I'm sure he's going to be frustrated with my riding style, but that's the best thing about motorcycles - you don't have to talk to your annoying travel companions if you don't want to. Anyway, it will be nice to have a like-minded soul for the trial days of the trip.

After the show, around 10. I got back on the bike in 38 degree temps, with a light jacket and light pants. I was 70 miles from Spokane and the comfort of a warm bed and I was deathly tired. Actually, I will confess, I am constantly tired and it was an issue for me during the first few legs of this trip. I'm not sure where it comes from, but it needs addressing pretty quickly.

It was coooooooooold. It took two hours to go 70 miles. It was sooooooooo coooooold. 38 degrees becomes 2 degrees at 50 miles an hour so you have to slow down otherwise your visor gets frosted over. It was coooooooooooold. I can't say that I enjoyed any part of the ride except for the part where it ended. Again, nature strips away the aura of a dream to show it's real face. It's not always fun and games and if I think things are always going to be the way I want them to on this trip, I am sorely and frozenly, mistaken. It was sooooooo cooooooooold. And my legs are still blue as a reminder.

Lastly, I met a woman last night that didn't speak to me in human. Which is to say, that we met, talked and even got a few points across to each other, but we never used any known human language to do so. Oddly, the woman from the audience, only Meowed at me. She used the eyes and the faux paws (I know isn't that funny?) that batted at me in a coy kitty way, and acted purely feline the entire time she interacted with me. I'm not sure what the point was really, but I assumed she was hitting on me in a drunken stupor. For some reason she thought this would be the best approach with me. She was attractive, but drunk is a always a strike with me and acting like a cat, that's usually strike two.

I didn't really know what to do or say and neither did the owner of the club who was sitting with me and trying to talk shop. We both were a bit put out and I did the only thing I could think of - I barked. This seemed to work and the pretty kitty kinda came to life a bit. Now when I say I barked, I don't mean that I mimicked the actual sound of a dog, but rather, I just said, "bark". In fact, I think my actual words were, "Bark. Bark bark. Bark, woof, bark bark." So you can see how serious I was taking all of this. It was shortly after this encounter that I left town and nearly died in the cold. I could have played it smart and gotten a hotel room, but sometimes when the townsfolk are meowing at you, the best thing to do is just leave town. There is really nothing good that can come of a drunk woman meowing.

Lastly,
Readers. I will post every other day on the trip and keep you only a day or so behind me. I feel this is the best thing to do to keep things fresh in my mind and to prevent the blog from being the only thing I am doing while I am on the road. For those of you that have offered housing, I am coming. Death and the legal system are the only thing standing in my way. Well, that and brainwashed humans that think they're cats.