take my eyes, my ears, my mouth. take my very soul

I once watched a man put a woman's head through a wall while ten people watched and did nothing. Myself, included. Moments before, the woman had spit in his face and the man just reacted out of rage. It was instantaneous. Now before you get bent out of shape remember this, had she been conscience after her head went through the dry wall, she would have continued to spit on him and probably try to put his head through the wall. She's wasn't just some poofy tailed bunny that needed a gentle touch, she was a rock-hard. And she had seen the other side of more than one wall in her lifetime.

Prior to that event, everyone in attendance was having a great time. There was tons of laughter and camaraderie to go around and everyone was filled with a youthful optimism and wonderful dreams. There was talk about starting up bands, or working together on road trips, or BBQ's at each other's houses. People were flirting with each other and a free-love sexual tone was quickly overcoming everyone in the room. A room full of strangers were blissfully happy about the future.

Then the head hit the wall.

After that, no one ever got together and made that band. No one had a BBQ. No one was feeling the free love anymore. No one wanted to hang out together anymore. Something had been taken away. The dreamers, it seemed, had been given a healthy dose of reality.

Not really. Some of us still held on to the dreams, but we realized that dreams aren't casual, hopeful talk when things are good, dreams are a reality when everything else around us is bad. Real dreams have weight and they are real, they are not just talk. And like all things that are real, they can die. In that room that day, with talk of a better tomorrow all around us, a head hitting a wall reminded everyone that there was work to be done. None of them wanted the dream bad enough to work for it.

Dreams are the byproduct of an active imagination tempered with a child-like fascination for the future. In dreams there is no work to be done, no patience, no road blocks, no toil or strife. In dreams there is only the end result. The past ten days have taught me that with dreams there is something more than just an active imagination - There's will.

China is gone. Korea is gone. My day job is gone. Now the new bike may be gone too. Perhaps I am, as a friend recently told me, holding on too tightly to this dream and trying too hard to control it. Something you just can't do. It's her contention that I am trying to dictate the who, what, when, where and how and that I am not being flexible with my world. In part, she is correct.

I haven't seen a movie in weeks. I am busting my ass to find comedy work to cover my bills and make the dreams I dream come true. I realize that you can't control the dream, but I have to believe that if you don't try to make it happen for yourself, then it's not going to happen, period! I am trying to stay calm, stay centered and trying to maintain my humility. I have bowed my head and accepted the fate that has befallen me, but I am not going to quit. I will not stop fighting for this to happen. Lie, cheat, steal - as the saying goes. Dreams become real only when your soul's determination is greater than life's attempts to take it away from you. The dreams you feel in your heart right now, are there to fuel your resolve to see tomorrow as better than today. Perhaps I don't get to ride across the country on the bike I want or with the gear I need. Perhaps I lose my cell phone for not paying the bill or I am evicted from the perch or I have to sell everything I own, but if I want this dream bad enough - if my will is stronger than my fear - than I will see it through.

When you want to climb Mt. Everest, you have to take months off from work. It costs tens of thousands of dollars and requires that you are in peak physical condition. You can die, lose limbs, go mad, or get lost in the wilds of Nepal. Everything about climbing Mt Everest says, "don't do it". But people do. Determination makes the dream come true, even when life tries to take it away from them.

Stay calm, stay focused, stay humble before your fate... and you shall see the top of the world.

I am open to suggestions at this point. If my writing suffers for a while, you'll know why. It's hard to give four hours of my day to the blog when I have other things to address - I will not abandon you, the readers of this blog because I am having a sour month. When it comes down to it - I would give up the ride and the comedy before I ever gave up the writing - that's a dream that shall never die. Not even if life puts my head through a wall.