requested #16
The Greatest Book Ever Written
I was torn for so long about whether or not I was going to be a Reader or a Television Watcher. Reading was huge part of my family's common ground. It was one thing we all had in common. Sadly, books aren't something you generally do together. This is never more true between four people that like to read by themselves and their taste in literature jumps all over the map. But my family and I were never much alike in any catagory and their focus on literature made me act out more for attention. Readers are not big on distractions and so they used their big brains and decided that they should put me in front of a television to pacify me. This wasn't an uncommon remedy at the time, most families did this with their children in the 70's and 80's, and we have been headed in the wrong direction ever since.
I was a loud kid and I remember that I demanded a lot of attention and readers are not the type of people that like to look up from a book to give you attention. Especially if what you're doing is not very interesting or if they know that they will only have to look up again in 90 seconds to give you even more attention. Even though all Readers see television as the work of the devil, my family - and I am sure many other families too - were willing to dance with the devil if it meant ridding themselves of a pestulent child so that they could have uninterrupted reading time. Book readers are very, very touchy about this issue.
I wasn't completely addicted to television and that's not because I didn't enjoy it, but because there wasn't much television available to me. There was very little reception in the Methow Valley when I lived there. Cable television was fairly new, but it came in on satelite and you had to have A: a huge expensive satelite dish to recieve the transmissions and a place to put said dish and B: A post graduate degree in astro-physics, electronic engineering and computer programming just to change the channel. The dish actually moved to pick up a new satellite feed every time you turned the dial.
The only other option for television at that time, was regular old antenna reception and if you are surrounded by extremely tall mountains on three sides, your offerings are pretty slim. I wasn't even aware of CBS until I was 12 and moved out of the valley.
Fortunately for me, VHS was taking off and I had a VCR. It had a remote control that connected to VCR player with a cable and I thought was amazing. I could sit across the room and turn off and on the movie without getting up. Incredible. The next you know, you will be able to carry your phone around with you everyway and it won't have to be plugged into the wall.
I rented every movie and those movies that weren't available at my local video store, I was able to find at a friend's house. My friend's father was a movie thief and he used to make duplicates of every movie that was rentable. He felt that "they were going to be worth something some day". I love that kind of optimism. Anyway, I watched two or four films a day, depending on long I was going to be alone. Some movies I have watched so many times I can still recite every line, in character, from start to finish, without any visual aides.
When the movies got stale, or if there were no new movies to watch, I read. And I read and read and read. Living in the middle of the nowhere offers a lot of time to create a parallel universe for yourself using the written words of others as your building blocks. Living with so many Readers meant that I had a lot of left over books lying around for my chosing. I read Piers Anthony's science fiction. I read Anne Rice's Vampire series. I read Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan adventures. I read medical textbooks that my father had kept from med school. I read Ayn Rand's Opus, Atlas Shrugged. I read classics, comic books, novels, self-help books, dating books, instructional sex books, poetry and a weird book about a Jewish guy that went around causing trouble, professing all this universal knowledge stuff and then finally being killed for trying to change the minds of the world's youths. He was a legend and a hero to many people. He hung around with a whore and a whole lot of other questionable characters during his life time and when he died, he died for our sins. His name was Lenny Bruce and the book was called, "How to Talk Dirty and Influence People". I loved the book. If I read it now, I'm bored with it.
As time moved along, I watched more televison and I read more books. I sucked it all in and developed my subconscience need for the comfort of television and my unquenchable desire for the power of words, parallel universes, great stories and Jews. That is what is with me now.
When it came time to develop a childhood dream I had three choices.
One: To tour America in an RV with an adopted child and collect patches.
Two: To be a famous writer, like Mark Twain
Three: To be the best film maker of all time.
Somewhere I found a way to find all three in my life and have settled in to choice number two. Films are my whoobie and I have thought better of the RV, children and patches... (odd that I remember that)
So the greatest book I have ever written or that has been written... Well, I haven't written it yet. But if you are looking for something to tide you over until I do find it, I suggest a little bit of Herman Hesse, Yann Martel, Ayn Rand, Mark Twain, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Henry David Thoreau, Marquis De Sade, Elmore Leonard, Hunter S. Thompson, Umberto Echo and Dr. Suess. I think you'll love it.
I was torn for so long about whether or not I was going to be a Reader or a Television Watcher. Reading was huge part of my family's common ground. It was one thing we all had in common. Sadly, books aren't something you generally do together. This is never more true between four people that like to read by themselves and their taste in literature jumps all over the map. But my family and I were never much alike in any catagory and their focus on literature made me act out more for attention. Readers are not big on distractions and so they used their big brains and decided that they should put me in front of a television to pacify me. This wasn't an uncommon remedy at the time, most families did this with their children in the 70's and 80's, and we have been headed in the wrong direction ever since.
I was a loud kid and I remember that I demanded a lot of attention and readers are not the type of people that like to look up from a book to give you attention. Especially if what you're doing is not very interesting or if they know that they will only have to look up again in 90 seconds to give you even more attention. Even though all Readers see television as the work of the devil, my family - and I am sure many other families too - were willing to dance with the devil if it meant ridding themselves of a pestulent child so that they could have uninterrupted reading time. Book readers are very, very touchy about this issue.
I wasn't completely addicted to television and that's not because I didn't enjoy it, but because there wasn't much television available to me. There was very little reception in the Methow Valley when I lived there. Cable television was fairly new, but it came in on satelite and you had to have A: a huge expensive satelite dish to recieve the transmissions and a place to put said dish and B: A post graduate degree in astro-physics, electronic engineering and computer programming just to change the channel. The dish actually moved to pick up a new satellite feed every time you turned the dial.
The only other option for television at that time, was regular old antenna reception and if you are surrounded by extremely tall mountains on three sides, your offerings are pretty slim. I wasn't even aware of CBS until I was 12 and moved out of the valley.
Fortunately for me, VHS was taking off and I had a VCR. It had a remote control that connected to VCR player with a cable and I thought was amazing. I could sit across the room and turn off and on the movie without getting up. Incredible. The next you know, you will be able to carry your phone around with you everyway and it won't have to be plugged into the wall.
I rented every movie and those movies that weren't available at my local video store, I was able to find at a friend's house. My friend's father was a movie thief and he used to make duplicates of every movie that was rentable. He felt that "they were going to be worth something some day". I love that kind of optimism. Anyway, I watched two or four films a day, depending on long I was going to be alone. Some movies I have watched so many times I can still recite every line, in character, from start to finish, without any visual aides.
When the movies got stale, or if there were no new movies to watch, I read. And I read and read and read. Living in the middle of the nowhere offers a lot of time to create a parallel universe for yourself using the written words of others as your building blocks. Living with so many Readers meant that I had a lot of left over books lying around for my chosing. I read Piers Anthony's science fiction. I read Anne Rice's Vampire series. I read Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan adventures. I read medical textbooks that my father had kept from med school. I read Ayn Rand's Opus, Atlas Shrugged. I read classics, comic books, novels, self-help books, dating books, instructional sex books, poetry and a weird book about a Jewish guy that went around causing trouble, professing all this universal knowledge stuff and then finally being killed for trying to change the minds of the world's youths. He was a legend and a hero to many people. He hung around with a whore and a whole lot of other questionable characters during his life time and when he died, he died for our sins. His name was Lenny Bruce and the book was called, "How to Talk Dirty and Influence People". I loved the book. If I read it now, I'm bored with it.
As time moved along, I watched more televison and I read more books. I sucked it all in and developed my subconscience need for the comfort of television and my unquenchable desire for the power of words, parallel universes, great stories and Jews. That is what is with me now.
When it came time to develop a childhood dream I had three choices.
One: To tour America in an RV with an adopted child and collect patches.
Two: To be a famous writer, like Mark Twain
Three: To be the best film maker of all time.
Somewhere I found a way to find all three in my life and have settled in to choice number two. Films are my whoobie and I have thought better of the RV, children and patches... (odd that I remember that)
So the greatest book I have ever written or that has been written... Well, I haven't written it yet. But if you are looking for something to tide you over until I do find it, I suggest a little bit of Herman Hesse, Yann Martel, Ayn Rand, Mark Twain, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Henry David Thoreau, Marquis De Sade, Elmore Leonard, Hunter S. Thompson, Umberto Echo and Dr. Suess. I think you'll love it.
posted by Daniel Loomis | 6:56 AM
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