invasion of europe
Episode #10
The footsteps of men move the universe.
Aussies have a lot to prove to the world and ever since their relatives started making a new life for themselves down under, they have felt a need to mirror everything the rest of the world has done and, if possible, do it better. I like to think that for every footstep that an American or European takes, there is an Aussie stomping the ground twice as hard to equal the pressure created by the European and, again if possible, to create a bump so that the European will stumble the next time he touches the ground.
That having been said, let's talk Bavaria, beer, brauhaus and time limits.
The world famous hofbrauhaus is where Hitler made his first public speech and where he started his push to begin the revolution. Today, I am sitting in the same room, drinking at tables that have seen Nazis and Canadians, with hundreds of people that I don't know, listening to a German band in leiderhosen play "sweet home Alabama" (It turns out the band Alabama is in the room) and trying to hold a two liter stein of beer out in front of me for as long as I can without spilling it. (four minutes) This inspires Aussies in the room that are not dancing on the tables to give it a "go" and when I leave them an hour later they have the time up to 7 minutes. The rules changed a bit, and I´m sure records were set that night because when Aussie do something then Brits, the Irish, the Italians, the Brazilians, the yanks and all other sorts of males have to best them. It was getting heated. And in a room full of 5000 plus crazed drunk men, all things are possible, even a world war.
The next day I wake, and leave without saying goodbye to my new sanchos. I guess its just easier for me. To be honest, I wish Sancho Ponchi was here, foul mouth and all. It would be worth having him here just to see what the thought of all this food. (german food is gooooooooood. Think whole birds, brats, pretzels, kraut, and cow udders)
I get on a train and head south to the sleeping beauty castle, en route, I find that my camera has no battery so the tour of the castle which is stunning (and it sits on swan lake) has no record for anyone to see and I am conscience of that the whole tour which ruins it for me and I head back to Munich two hours early. When I get back, I find a battery and then I find more Nazi landmarks. Most of which I don´t take photos of as I don´t want the slide show of my trip to look like a Neo Nazi rally. (if you want to see where I went go to thirdreichruins.com and click on munich and dachau)
The rest of my tour is hazy. Do I go to Berlin? Do I go to Prague? Do I just call it a day and head to Frankfurt and get some rest?
I have no answers. But I have time to think. I have time to think about all of this. The injuries and the illnesses. I have time to think of the greatness of history and all it´s portals that still remain. I can see the creation of great minds and the labor of souls that have no idea that today their strife is a main attraction and worth more money to see than they made to make it. I have learned that Europeans have lost all their arguments with me in regards to American ignorance and that all complaints lobbied against us have no merit. Not when McDonalds is the number one restaurant in Europe and Kelly Clarkson can sell out the Stadium Olympico in faster time than Roger Waters. Europeans have ceased to make great moves or to reclaim the glory that the rest of the world is willing to pay so much money to see now. Europe is, the single largest tourist trap in the world. Culture is worth a few bucks and the Europeans exploit that fact and use it as the basis for their egos. Da Vinci is a hero to the Italians, but he might just be the last great one to have ever lived. Since then there has been a sharp decline in quality. Unless you count Sly Stallone, Leo Dicaprio, Robert Deniro and that dude from "life is beautiful". The French haven´t seen any quality since Voltaire. The Germans... they don´t talk about the past... at all. They just drink beer and pretend to have just appeared.
All this culture. All this to see and it will cost you a pretty Euro to see it. I will admit to having run around and broken my foot trying to get photos of shit that I could have cared less about. A lot of Griswald nods amid groups of kids and other obnoxious people. Like moths to a flame, tourists find the brightest object and flock to it. It took me days to figure out that the glory that is Europe is the food. Not the art, not the churches, not the cars or the castles. Its the food. Its the jumbalaya of people from everywhere. People trying to learn Italian, German, French, English and doing it all while drunk on Italian wine, French Champagne, German Beer and American Chicken McNuggets. Everyone is turned on, everyone is trying to experience history. Everyone is crying for different reasons. Everyone is amused by different photo opportunities. Everyone... wants to go home.
For all of this, its not us. Its not where we live. It´s just history and it belongs to the people who walked here before us. The glory of David and the Mona Lisa was probably best served when you could see Da Vinci or Michealanglo´s eyes as they first showed if off. The sadness of Dachau belongs to those that watched others die while they lived on. The strength of any moment is found in the person making it a moment to remember, not those that follow. We create rock stars out of history and push and shove and pay to be a part of it. Just to say, " we saw that" or "we were there".
I walk among tourists trying to capture history in digital cameras. People who are not creating a history worth remembering.
I have climbed to the top of the Eiffel tower.
I have seen the top of the Duomo.
I have seen the sistine chapel, the david, the mona lisa, the venus.
I have seen places that have known the death of millions.
I have seen hash, hookers and beer.
If I take anything home with me it should be this... The food was beyond delicious, but I would give anything for BBQ, folgers and America. Europe is great, for europeans. Its a good place for tourists. It is really just an old light that attracts moths. It´s time for me to go home.
The footsteps of men move the universe.
Aussies have a lot to prove to the world and ever since their relatives started making a new life for themselves down under, they have felt a need to mirror everything the rest of the world has done and, if possible, do it better. I like to think that for every footstep that an American or European takes, there is an Aussie stomping the ground twice as hard to equal the pressure created by the European and, again if possible, to create a bump so that the European will stumble the next time he touches the ground.
That having been said, let's talk Bavaria, beer, brauhaus and time limits.
The world famous hofbrauhaus is where Hitler made his first public speech and where he started his push to begin the revolution. Today, I am sitting in the same room, drinking at tables that have seen Nazis and Canadians, with hundreds of people that I don't know, listening to a German band in leiderhosen play "sweet home Alabama" (It turns out the band Alabama is in the room) and trying to hold a two liter stein of beer out in front of me for as long as I can without spilling it. (four minutes) This inspires Aussies in the room that are not dancing on the tables to give it a "go" and when I leave them an hour later they have the time up to 7 minutes. The rules changed a bit, and I´m sure records were set that night because when Aussie do something then Brits, the Irish, the Italians, the Brazilians, the yanks and all other sorts of males have to best them. It was getting heated. And in a room full of 5000 plus crazed drunk men, all things are possible, even a world war.
The next day I wake, and leave without saying goodbye to my new sanchos. I guess its just easier for me. To be honest, I wish Sancho Ponchi was here, foul mouth and all. It would be worth having him here just to see what the thought of all this food. (german food is gooooooooood. Think whole birds, brats, pretzels, kraut, and cow udders)
I get on a train and head south to the sleeping beauty castle, en route, I find that my camera has no battery so the tour of the castle which is stunning (and it sits on swan lake) has no record for anyone to see and I am conscience of that the whole tour which ruins it for me and I head back to Munich two hours early. When I get back, I find a battery and then I find more Nazi landmarks. Most of which I don´t take photos of as I don´t want the slide show of my trip to look like a Neo Nazi rally. (if you want to see where I went go to thirdreichruins.com and click on munich and dachau)
The rest of my tour is hazy. Do I go to Berlin? Do I go to Prague? Do I just call it a day and head to Frankfurt and get some rest?
I have no answers. But I have time to think. I have time to think about all of this. The injuries and the illnesses. I have time to think of the greatness of history and all it´s portals that still remain. I can see the creation of great minds and the labor of souls that have no idea that today their strife is a main attraction and worth more money to see than they made to make it. I have learned that Europeans have lost all their arguments with me in regards to American ignorance and that all complaints lobbied against us have no merit. Not when McDonalds is the number one restaurant in Europe and Kelly Clarkson can sell out the Stadium Olympico in faster time than Roger Waters. Europeans have ceased to make great moves or to reclaim the glory that the rest of the world is willing to pay so much money to see now. Europe is, the single largest tourist trap in the world. Culture is worth a few bucks and the Europeans exploit that fact and use it as the basis for their egos. Da Vinci is a hero to the Italians, but he might just be the last great one to have ever lived. Since then there has been a sharp decline in quality. Unless you count Sly Stallone, Leo Dicaprio, Robert Deniro and that dude from "life is beautiful". The French haven´t seen any quality since Voltaire. The Germans... they don´t talk about the past... at all. They just drink beer and pretend to have just appeared.
All this culture. All this to see and it will cost you a pretty Euro to see it. I will admit to having run around and broken my foot trying to get photos of shit that I could have cared less about. A lot of Griswald nods amid groups of kids and other obnoxious people. Like moths to a flame, tourists find the brightest object and flock to it. It took me days to figure out that the glory that is Europe is the food. Not the art, not the churches, not the cars or the castles. Its the food. Its the jumbalaya of people from everywhere. People trying to learn Italian, German, French, English and doing it all while drunk on Italian wine, French Champagne, German Beer and American Chicken McNuggets. Everyone is turned on, everyone is trying to experience history. Everyone is crying for different reasons. Everyone is amused by different photo opportunities. Everyone... wants to go home.
For all of this, its not us. Its not where we live. It´s just history and it belongs to the people who walked here before us. The glory of David and the Mona Lisa was probably best served when you could see Da Vinci or Michealanglo´s eyes as they first showed if off. The sadness of Dachau belongs to those that watched others die while they lived on. The strength of any moment is found in the person making it a moment to remember, not those that follow. We create rock stars out of history and push and shove and pay to be a part of it. Just to say, " we saw that" or "we were there".
I walk among tourists trying to capture history in digital cameras. People who are not creating a history worth remembering.
I have climbed to the top of the Eiffel tower.
I have seen the top of the Duomo.
I have seen the sistine chapel, the david, the mona lisa, the venus.
I have seen places that have known the death of millions.
I have seen hash, hookers and beer.
If I take anything home with me it should be this... The food was beyond delicious, but I would give anything for BBQ, folgers and America. Europe is great, for europeans. Its a good place for tourists. It is really just an old light that attracts moths. It´s time for me to go home.
posted by Daniel Loomis | 5:39 AM
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