potty break

I will admit that I am one of many grown children that still say, "I have to potty." I find it really puts the whole experience in to perspective as we all act like children when it comes to potty time. For one, none of us like to go potty in front of other people unless we are drunk, in the hospital or frightened into it, which is pretty childish if you think about it. I don't know why we get so private when we have to go potty but we do. It's not just going potty that people have a problem with. Women are notorious for being able to silence the passing of gas, an art form in an of itself. I have no idea how their bodies work, I wish I knew, but I don't. Men can pass gas in church without feeling any one way about it. Big deal, unless it carries with it an aroma. Then we are never man enough to accept the glory of being the creator of the masterpiece. Very childish.

Peeing seems to be something that women can do whenever and talk to each other during the whole process. They just squat, hover and chat away with whomever might be in the stall next to them. Doesn't phase them a bit. I know they do this because I have spent enough time hanging out "near" the ladies bathroom to hear them yapping. Men, are bathroom is a shrine to silence which is only broken with the periodic squeaking of toilets flushing, soap dispensers being depressed, paper towels being used by the dozens per hand or doors or zippers opening and closing. It's a no talking zone and you would think that only people looking for a fight would open their mouth in a bathroom. I have seen men go from wild banshees in a bar to tame, quiet little lambs as they cross through the bathroom door. The only time the silence bothers me is when I have to share the agony of hearing a man "potty" in a stall, if you know what I mean or when a man has to lose his lunch. Both smell, sound terrible and have nothing but vacant silence to let their symphonic expression be heard and smelled. It's in these times I wish that men were more chatty in the bathroom and perhaps we wouldn't have to hear all that we don't need to hear.

They say it's a test of any good relationship to be able to potty in front of your partner. I have heard the level change from fart in from of them to enjoy the fart in front of them to fart on them to pee in their mouth, so I am not sure where this so called test got it's start. I think that when the relationship is at the stage where you are using the potty in front of each other and you NOT talking to each other that's when you know it's love. If you don't even acknowledge that you are about to use the toilet and you just go at it and your lover is stuck their to enjoy your foulness and doesn't make any comments, then you have truly surpassed the pheromone stages and moved into mutant stage of the love cycle.

I still like to say that I have to use the potty. I still do. I like it better than pee, which hurts my ears when women say it and it's much more acceptable than piss, shit, take a dump, see a man about a horse, etc. I have to potty. I just went to the potty. I like the way it sounds and phonetics are important to a man when it comes to body waste removal.

Another aspect to the men's bathroom that most women are not aware of that I think needs repeating... Men's bathrooms are nasty. They are not the sweet smelling, clean floor, flushed toilet masterpieces that you women get. We have to got potty in a room that is almost always broken, clogged, never flushed and always smells like the mob is living bodies in there. It's amazing that there are even toilets in the room to begin with, you would think that we just need a drain in the floor and we could just all stand around and potty in it. I think it would save a lot of time. Any time I have ever been in a womens bathroom I have been amazed at how clean they are, no wonder women think it's cool to screw in their. You never see them want to screw a man in a man's bathroom. I don't think a woman would survive the horror of the experience if she did.

I am not a fan of underwear, haven't worn it since I was 12, so my potty time is pretty limited. I can get in, unzip and be done with my business in less time than those underwear wearing freaks that have to dig around their goods to find an opening. This little trick I believe has saved me countless hours of unneccessary bathroom minutes. Another trick I have learned is the one handed show. One hand unzips, grabs, directs, taps, repacks and zips ups. I am not sure if this works for other men, but it works for me and it leaves me a free hand to place on my hip like superman, for no reason whatsoever. Occasionally I will put my hand straight in the air in a fist and kind of shiver a bit, this always thrills me. The post-potty shiver is the greatest feeling in the world next to Q-tips in the ears. I don't know why I do it, or if anyone else does it, but I love it and I wouldn't trade it for all the greatest sex in the wo- Bulgaria.