it's never gonna be enough
I have known many a sorrowful man. I have seen the pain and the anguish in a stranger's face as he goes about his day and I know what it is that plagues his soul. I know that face, I have worn it many times myself. I know that pain and anguish. I have failed that miserably and lived to remember it. That face is the face of failure. Failure in trying to be enough of a romantic for the one you love. It's been worn by millions of men that have failed in their attempts to live up to the standards of romance set before us by the women we love but have never told us what those standards are until after we have failed to met them. Even when we do know what the standards are we can never meet them as the level of satisfaction changes from moment to moment and eve though all men are aware of this and we know the punishment for failure we still try. We still try to be romantic enough for that special lady.
Women know this and I think they use it to their advantage. I am not sure at what point in the relationship when they finally figure it out, but when a woman finally sees that never being satisfied makes a man work harder to please her then, her man is doomed. She can run him down to nothing as long as she doesn't make it too obvious what she is doing. Of course, over doing it and never giving the man any kind of sign that he's making ground can lead to the man leaving her for an easier to please woman. This happens a lot and the break up can be devastating for both. Usually the man is unsure why he wants to leave but he knows he wants too badly and the woman is dumbfounded and pretty sure it's all his problem and that she has done nothing wrong, thus the problem continues on into the next relationship.
For all of you out there who are unsure of what I referring too, I offer this example...
The man wants to please his glorious wife and so he buys her a quaint little gift, he bring it home with a smile on his face and he gives it to his surprised wife. She lets out a little gasps of glee and surprise and begins to open the little gift. She is pleased with what she sees, she kisses and hugs her husband to show her appreciation. The man is beaming with pride that he got it right and he is ready to pat himself on the back when she says, "Is there a card?"
and she says it as if to say, "What, this is it? Don't you know the card is the most important part?" If he doesn't know, he soon will. Apparently, in the world of gifts, cards are the more precious than gold, diamonds, cars, futures, homes, children, health, sex or (dare I say it) chocolate.
The glee on the man's face begins to fade and fade quickly. There is no greater sadness than trying and failing. To coming so close only to fall so far away. "Is there a card?" Of course there is no card. It's just a sentimental gift, a token, a gesture. What do I need a card for? This is what he's thinking. It's a sad and bitter refrain that each man must endure, time and time again.
To add salt to the wound, the wife can say, "You didn't need to buy me anything, you could have just bought me a card and that would have been enough." Sure, now I know that! This is the point where the bottom falls out and the woman's life begins to be in jeopardy. She is very close to disappearing. She just doesn't know it. That man, who has worked so hard, has failed and she has demeaned the gesture to an insult and he is taking it very personally.
No matter how far a man goes, it's never really enough. The man in the example could have bought her a cruise liner full of sexy, attentive, clean, fresh, passionate lovers. Each with his own job, need for children and love of house work. He could have filled the boat with nurseries, hobby shops, clothes, books, visas to every foreign country, live bands, candles, ass kissing attendants that have a compliment for everything, fine wines, great food and health in heaps upon everything. He could have handed it over to the woman of his life during a grand ceremony with elephants, lions, balloons, a marching band and fireworks. A large banner could fall behind him that says, "he loves you more than anyone he has ever known, and he likes your family more than his and thinks your friends are amazing." DOWN ON ONE KNEE.... STARING HER STRAIGHT IN THE EYES.... She would look at him and say... "Is there a card?"
You would think that as men we would be used to this. We can screw her unconscious, she could be on fire and not have vital parts of her brain functioning it was so good. And she would say, "I don't think we kiss enough". You cuddle with her for two days straight and when you pull away, "Are you done cuddling?" It's just never enough.
You can show your love, prove your love, print it on paper, chisel into marble, put it in a rocket and send it into deep space, carve it into your chest with a dull spoon... That would have been yesterday's gesture, what about today?
You can spend 25 hours a day together. Never, not for one second, out of arms reach. The second you are, "you don't want to spend any more time with me?"
This sadness must end. This agony must stop. I need to think that there is a woman out there that will lay it down for the men of the world to know what to do. I don't mean a shit-idealist like Oprah or that Nazi chick on conservative talk radio, I mean a real WORTHY woman that isn't trying to be coy, doesn't have an agenda and is willing to work with men for a brighter, saner future. The alternative is this... Less men wanting to try to be romantic. Less men wanting to recognize Valentine's day, their wife/girlfriend's birthday, an anniversary, etc. So, I leave this up to you women. No coyness. No, "We don't want to tell you that would ruin it"... Stop yourself from getting lost. There are way too many women that sleep alone tonight with the same attitude as yours. Explain yourselves or never again complain about men's behavior. As I have said before, men are fools that need leading. We are impressionable and we need examples. We are easily trained and will do as we are told. Do not confuse us or make us think. What you want is the same as what men want, you just need to tell us what it really is that you want.
I rest my case and will let the jury decide my fate.
Women know this and I think they use it to their advantage. I am not sure at what point in the relationship when they finally figure it out, but when a woman finally sees that never being satisfied makes a man work harder to please her then, her man is doomed. She can run him down to nothing as long as she doesn't make it too obvious what she is doing. Of course, over doing it and never giving the man any kind of sign that he's making ground can lead to the man leaving her for an easier to please woman. This happens a lot and the break up can be devastating for both. Usually the man is unsure why he wants to leave but he knows he wants too badly and the woman is dumbfounded and pretty sure it's all his problem and that she has done nothing wrong, thus the problem continues on into the next relationship.
For all of you out there who are unsure of what I referring too, I offer this example...
The man wants to please his glorious wife and so he buys her a quaint little gift, he bring it home with a smile on his face and he gives it to his surprised wife. She lets out a little gasps of glee and surprise and begins to open the little gift. She is pleased with what she sees, she kisses and hugs her husband to show her appreciation. The man is beaming with pride that he got it right and he is ready to pat himself on the back when she says, "Is there a card?"
and she says it as if to say, "What, this is it? Don't you know the card is the most important part?" If he doesn't know, he soon will. Apparently, in the world of gifts, cards are the more precious than gold, diamonds, cars, futures, homes, children, health, sex or (dare I say it) chocolate.
The glee on the man's face begins to fade and fade quickly. There is no greater sadness than trying and failing. To coming so close only to fall so far away. "Is there a card?" Of course there is no card. It's just a sentimental gift, a token, a gesture. What do I need a card for? This is what he's thinking. It's a sad and bitter refrain that each man must endure, time and time again.
To add salt to the wound, the wife can say, "You didn't need to buy me anything, you could have just bought me a card and that would have been enough." Sure, now I know that! This is the point where the bottom falls out and the woman's life begins to be in jeopardy. She is very close to disappearing. She just doesn't know it. That man, who has worked so hard, has failed and she has demeaned the gesture to an insult and he is taking it very personally.
No matter how far a man goes, it's never really enough. The man in the example could have bought her a cruise liner full of sexy, attentive, clean, fresh, passionate lovers. Each with his own job, need for children and love of house work. He could have filled the boat with nurseries, hobby shops, clothes, books, visas to every foreign country, live bands, candles, ass kissing attendants that have a compliment for everything, fine wines, great food and health in heaps upon everything. He could have handed it over to the woman of his life during a grand ceremony with elephants, lions, balloons, a marching band and fireworks. A large banner could fall behind him that says, "he loves you more than anyone he has ever known, and he likes your family more than his and thinks your friends are amazing." DOWN ON ONE KNEE.... STARING HER STRAIGHT IN THE EYES.... She would look at him and say... "Is there a card?"
You would think that as men we would be used to this. We can screw her unconscious, she could be on fire and not have vital parts of her brain functioning it was so good. And she would say, "I don't think we kiss enough". You cuddle with her for two days straight and when you pull away, "Are you done cuddling?" It's just never enough.
You can show your love, prove your love, print it on paper, chisel into marble, put it in a rocket and send it into deep space, carve it into your chest with a dull spoon... That would have been yesterday's gesture, what about today?
You can spend 25 hours a day together. Never, not for one second, out of arms reach. The second you are, "you don't want to spend any more time with me?"
This sadness must end. This agony must stop. I need to think that there is a woman out there that will lay it down for the men of the world to know what to do. I don't mean a shit-idealist like Oprah or that Nazi chick on conservative talk radio, I mean a real WORTHY woman that isn't trying to be coy, doesn't have an agenda and is willing to work with men for a brighter, saner future. The alternative is this... Less men wanting to try to be romantic. Less men wanting to recognize Valentine's day, their wife/girlfriend's birthday, an anniversary, etc. So, I leave this up to you women. No coyness. No, "We don't want to tell you that would ruin it"... Stop yourself from getting lost. There are way too many women that sleep alone tonight with the same attitude as yours. Explain yourselves or never again complain about men's behavior. As I have said before, men are fools that need leading. We are impressionable and we need examples. We are easily trained and will do as we are told. Do not confuse us or make us think. What you want is the same as what men want, you just need to tell us what it really is that you want.
I rest my case and will let the jury decide my fate.
posted by Daniel Loomis | 5:57 PM
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