one track away from perfection

I am listening to a few cd's that I have not heard in a while. Some of them are such a part of who I am, I can not think of life without access to them. They have survived moves, scratches, break ups, theft, replacement and financial destitution. They are, quite simply, the easiest way to define me. If I needed to describe myself using ten words or less I would probably say, Stevie Ray Vaughnn, Concrete Blonde, Pink Martini and U2, and hopefully the person would let out an, "oooooohhhhhh" and then nod their head in an understanding gesture. "He's one of those types."

Music does help define us and it's easy to see what kind of people strangers can be just by looking at their clothes, their habits, their diction and their swagger. Someone in a cowboy hat, chewing tobacco and saying, "git 'er done" is most likely a George Strait fan. Someone wearing baggy pants, a lot of gaudy jewelry and stagger stepping down the street while swinging one arm is most likely a Tupac Shukur fan. Someone with little or no variation from the rest of the world and seems to wear whatever is in style is most likely an Ashley Simpson fan. So music does do a lot to give an impression of who we are to others.

There are exceptions. I think a lot of people live in a world where they mix their own music. I know a lot of people that listen to a massive cross section of the world's music and there is no telling signs that would indicate as much in their dress. Me, for example. My clothing style is so vague, it would be hard to tell what kind of crowd I might feel comfortable with. I am not a music extremist, but I do know quite a few. Those people like the ones described above, that live and breathe their music and hate all other forms of music and will defend their taste in music as the only "true" form of music in the world.

As I listen to some of the cd's, I am noticing that some of the songs on the cd are not as pleasing to listen too and the more I think about it, the more I realize that I never really liked those songs at all. It makes me wonder if the artist really liked those songs or if they just needed an extra track to make their album complete. I call these the dead tracks and they can kill a mood if you pop in a cd for some background music and find yourself running across the room to hit the fast forward button so you don't have to hear it. I have always defended these bad songs but in truth, I am gravely disappointed. I wish they had never been burned into the cd. I think the Ipod that I use now has spoiled me a bit. I noticed that I have almost the complete album of certain artist save for one song. I remember loading the cd into the computer to transfer to the Ipod and mildly cringing when I didn't check the box for that dead track. I felt like I wasn't a true fan anymore. Of course, now that it's it the Ipod, I could care less and I can enjoy the artist and their album mixed the way I would have released it.

What bothers me immensely is when someone else who is just as big a fan as I am for some band or singer, LOVES the song that I can't stand. We know that we share this passion for this group but when it comes time to sharing the experience together, I am always left twitching a bit when that dead track becomes the one I hear on repeat as their favorite song. I have to figure out new, deep conversations to keep the volume down or turned off completely. Then I feel like shit. What kind of fan am I? I turn my back on one song that I should enjoy but don't. I feel like I should turn in my denim jacket with all the band patches sewn on it.

Recently, I purchased a cd that I used to listen to a lot, I loved it, but when I start to listen to it I found that I can't stand any of the songs on the cd but ONE! One song! I am hoping that it's just a taste issue, but I really enjoyed this cd and can remember listening to it for hours, days and using it to fuel my fire, now - it's worse than muzak.

I wonder if the dead track of each great album affects the personalities of the those die hard zealots? What would have happened to the dead heads if the Grateful dead released a Christmas album and it sounded like Johnny Mathis? Would they be less inclined to wear patchuli or have dreads? What would the Metallica fans do if their favorite band recorded a full album with a live orchestra? Do you think they would cut their hair, get their car an oil change or wear brighter colors?

I am baffled and disturbed. It bothers me to no end that the dead track exists. It's like saying something stupid in front of a lot of witnesses and knowing that you will never be able to take it back, it's just out there for eternity.

If you were waiting for me to tell you the names of the cd's that I bought and found to be a disappointment, you're crazy. I will live with my shame alone and I don't need three hundred emails arguing for or against my choices. Feel free to send in your "dead track" list, but don't ask for mine. I live with this grief and misery until the band gets back together, doesn't suck, records a new album and it's better than their older ones.

I know what it feels like to have a dead track, I have several posts on this site that I consider a blemish. The book, which is coming out, is full of writing that I am looking back on with displeasure. YES, it's coming out as is. But I am not happy about it. I wonder if Pearl Jam feels this way about "Oceans"?