and then she kissed me
She has a strong personality. She's tall and she's a single mother. The last time she can remember a man being interested in her that she, herself, was attracted too has slipped behind many a change of seasons. So she was needin'. She was lookin' and she was ready. So, on a typical night out on the town, a little drunk, she finds herself in the affectionate arms of... a woman. I don't know if this is her first time, but it certainly set her back a bit. She was drunk and this girl just did and said all the right things. She enjoyed it, and that is what amazed her.
She emailed me and told me the story. In the email you could sense that there was some confusion about whether or not she was gay as all the men around her had made her feel. She is an athlete afterall and she has an imposing physical presence. Her attitude is one of strength which she earned from the previous failed experiences with men and that has made her hard to woo with typical pick up lines and bullshit. Not that pick up lines woo every woman, but they do work on some, just not her. She found herself wanting men but scaring them away and confused about what to do.
It's a tight spot to find yourself in, you want a man, you desire some affection and you are not trying to scare men away, but something about you just doesn't open doors and suddenly you find yourself sitting behind two dozen social filters that weed out too many men and leave you asking questions about yourself. "Everyone thinks I'm gay, am I gay? Am I scaring them away on purpose because I really want women? Is there something that they see that I don't?" Rest easy little lady, the recent events do not make you gay. Nor do they make you bisexual, nor bi curious or bi situational. What it does show is that you needed affection and you just now see that anyone can give you that much sought after affection. And affection doesn't have to have a certain type of plumbing to be affective.
My mother, the great bastion of wisdom that she is, once told me that lesbians were opportunists. She was living in Bellingham, Washington, the second largest lesbian community in America at the time, so she had some lesbian insight she could share that seemed somewhat valid. Of course, my mother has always been one for taking abstract thought and making it philosophy. (now you know where I get it) In her experience, she felt that lesbians were angry, humorless women who looked for vulnerable women in need and then gave them the attention and affection they were seeking, thus "recruiting" more women to their way of life. I think there is some truth to this, but I don't think it's solely a lesbian tactic. I know men that seek out the recently single and prey upon them for sexual excitement in much the same way. On the extreme opposite end of this scale is the gay male. There is never been a vulnerable man that was recruited to homosexuality by a gay male that preyed upon him, unless you count prison. So this issue or tactic, isn't just a lesbian thing, thus blowing my mother's theory ( theory #496) out of the water. Good line of thought, but no. Preying upon the vulnerable is a tactic that you find in nature everywhere and it's not specific to any one group. Religious cults do it. Sports does it. Advertisers do it. Hungry animals do it. It's a pretty common practice. So lesbian shouldn't be singled out.( I do agree a little bit with the humorless part though. I have had enough lesbians in my comedy crowds that were ready to torch the place with me in it. Killing men, one comic at a time)
The strength that women have is very powerful. The social standard for women for thousands of years is that they needed "a man" to protect them, provide for them and please them. It was the belief that women will only need "one man" to all of this and that if a woman had everything she needed from one man, she would never need another or seek another one out. Apparently women of the past were not big on variety or choices. Men believe this and they still continue to believe this. So, if a woman discovers that she doesn't need a man for these things, and they don't, then they become somewhat of a puzzle for men. How do we impress, woo or screw this woman if she doesn't need us? How do we "get her"? If she doesn't have any doors for me to walk through, then how do I get over to the other side?
Even though women have evolved through the years and have become more independent, men have resisted their evolution. This next statement is going to get me in trouble, but here it goes... Men have never really been forced to accept their part in the evolution nor will they ever because there are always women that will find their way back to the old social standard of depending on men. Yes, it's true. For every ten women that set themselves free and find independence, at least four to six of them will regress to the "dependent" lifestyle belief system. It's sad, I know. And it's because this happens so often, men have learned to wait it out and jump when the woman is exposed and weak. And if that doesn't work, they know that they can let a strong willed woman go and then they can wait for the needy woman to come along. Pick up lines were written to expose the weaker hearted women from the stronger ones. If a strong willed woman is suddenly ga ga for a man that is obviously well below her own set of standards that she set for a worthy man, just because he said she looked good in Blue, then you have just witnessed a regression and seen the true essesence of a pick up line. That's why strong willed women, and men, think pick up lines are so cheesy. We don't need crap to make us feel better. We don't need an empty compliment to feel better about ourselves. AND we are offended by people that do fall for them. That twitch in your spine when you hear a pick up line is disgust. But, again, the great irony here is that no matter how much a woman needs a man, no matter how strong her needs are, they will pale in comparison to the needs that a man has for a woman. Men are much weaker than women, but we have been trained (by women) to believe that we are stronger. It's a vicious cycle. We were told to say nice things, open doors, buy cute little gifts, flowers, remember specific dates and eat pussy and we will be able to win the heart of any woman. It's as simple as that. Women ask for it, men give it to them. That's the way the world works. Men will do anything it takes to get a woman. AND... every woman has a back door.. Every woman. There is always something out there that a man can do to get to any woman. She could be a die hard man hater, but crumble when he does that one thing that just makes her go ga-ga. Every woman.
Back to our girl.
She enjoyed the experience with the woman and has continued to let it play out. Good for her. It doesn't make her a lesbian but it does show that she is strong enough to dispense with the facade of social standards and accept that affection is just affection. I hope she will also realize that the men that would label her "too much to handle" are generally not the type of men that she would want in the first place. Spineless little opportunists that need a woman to make them feel necessary. Now is that really a good catch? Hopefully she will stop looking in the wrong direction and see that the good men, the really good men, are never found in the way that you were raised to find them. They are not found at the end of two hours of make up application and tight jeans. They are not found at the end of a well prepared, candle-lit dinner. They are not found in personal ads or in the opinions of your friends and family. Good men, or good women are found when you just simply turn around and see who has been with you all along. The person that has been through it with you, the person that has put up with your shit without the satisfaction of sexual balance, the person that you can fart in front of. That is where you find the good men and the good women.
She emailed me and told me the story. In the email you could sense that there was some confusion about whether or not she was gay as all the men around her had made her feel. She is an athlete afterall and she has an imposing physical presence. Her attitude is one of strength which she earned from the previous failed experiences with men and that has made her hard to woo with typical pick up lines and bullshit. Not that pick up lines woo every woman, but they do work on some, just not her. She found herself wanting men but scaring them away and confused about what to do.
It's a tight spot to find yourself in, you want a man, you desire some affection and you are not trying to scare men away, but something about you just doesn't open doors and suddenly you find yourself sitting behind two dozen social filters that weed out too many men and leave you asking questions about yourself. "Everyone thinks I'm gay, am I gay? Am I scaring them away on purpose because I really want women? Is there something that they see that I don't?" Rest easy little lady, the recent events do not make you gay. Nor do they make you bisexual, nor bi curious or bi situational. What it does show is that you needed affection and you just now see that anyone can give you that much sought after affection. And affection doesn't have to have a certain type of plumbing to be affective.
My mother, the great bastion of wisdom that she is, once told me that lesbians were opportunists. She was living in Bellingham, Washington, the second largest lesbian community in America at the time, so she had some lesbian insight she could share that seemed somewhat valid. Of course, my mother has always been one for taking abstract thought and making it philosophy. (now you know where I get it) In her experience, she felt that lesbians were angry, humorless women who looked for vulnerable women in need and then gave them the attention and affection they were seeking, thus "recruiting" more women to their way of life. I think there is some truth to this, but I don't think it's solely a lesbian tactic. I know men that seek out the recently single and prey upon them for sexual excitement in much the same way. On the extreme opposite end of this scale is the gay male. There is never been a vulnerable man that was recruited to homosexuality by a gay male that preyed upon him, unless you count prison. So this issue or tactic, isn't just a lesbian thing, thus blowing my mother's theory ( theory #496) out of the water. Good line of thought, but no. Preying upon the vulnerable is a tactic that you find in nature everywhere and it's not specific to any one group. Religious cults do it. Sports does it. Advertisers do it. Hungry animals do it. It's a pretty common practice. So lesbian shouldn't be singled out.( I do agree a little bit with the humorless part though. I have had enough lesbians in my comedy crowds that were ready to torch the place with me in it. Killing men, one comic at a time)
The strength that women have is very powerful. The social standard for women for thousands of years is that they needed "a man" to protect them, provide for them and please them. It was the belief that women will only need "one man" to all of this and that if a woman had everything she needed from one man, she would never need another or seek another one out. Apparently women of the past were not big on variety or choices. Men believe this and they still continue to believe this. So, if a woman discovers that she doesn't need a man for these things, and they don't, then they become somewhat of a puzzle for men. How do we impress, woo or screw this woman if she doesn't need us? How do we "get her"? If she doesn't have any doors for me to walk through, then how do I get over to the other side?
Even though women have evolved through the years and have become more independent, men have resisted their evolution. This next statement is going to get me in trouble, but here it goes... Men have never really been forced to accept their part in the evolution nor will they ever because there are always women that will find their way back to the old social standard of depending on men. Yes, it's true. For every ten women that set themselves free and find independence, at least four to six of them will regress to the "dependent" lifestyle belief system. It's sad, I know. And it's because this happens so often, men have learned to wait it out and jump when the woman is exposed and weak. And if that doesn't work, they know that they can let a strong willed woman go and then they can wait for the needy woman to come along. Pick up lines were written to expose the weaker hearted women from the stronger ones. If a strong willed woman is suddenly ga ga for a man that is obviously well below her own set of standards that she set for a worthy man, just because he said she looked good in Blue, then you have just witnessed a regression and seen the true essesence of a pick up line. That's why strong willed women, and men, think pick up lines are so cheesy. We don't need crap to make us feel better. We don't need an empty compliment to feel better about ourselves. AND we are offended by people that do fall for them. That twitch in your spine when you hear a pick up line is disgust. But, again, the great irony here is that no matter how much a woman needs a man, no matter how strong her needs are, they will pale in comparison to the needs that a man has for a woman. Men are much weaker than women, but we have been trained (by women) to believe that we are stronger. It's a vicious cycle. We were told to say nice things, open doors, buy cute little gifts, flowers, remember specific dates and eat pussy and we will be able to win the heart of any woman. It's as simple as that. Women ask for it, men give it to them. That's the way the world works. Men will do anything it takes to get a woman. AND... every woman has a back door.. Every woman. There is always something out there that a man can do to get to any woman. She could be a die hard man hater, but crumble when he does that one thing that just makes her go ga-ga. Every woman.
Back to our girl.
She enjoyed the experience with the woman and has continued to let it play out. Good for her. It doesn't make her a lesbian but it does show that she is strong enough to dispense with the facade of social standards and accept that affection is just affection. I hope she will also realize that the men that would label her "too much to handle" are generally not the type of men that she would want in the first place. Spineless little opportunists that need a woman to make them feel necessary. Now is that really a good catch? Hopefully she will stop looking in the wrong direction and see that the good men, the really good men, are never found in the way that you were raised to find them. They are not found at the end of two hours of make up application and tight jeans. They are not found at the end of a well prepared, candle-lit dinner. They are not found in personal ads or in the opinions of your friends and family. Good men, or good women are found when you just simply turn around and see who has been with you all along. The person that has been through it with you, the person that has put up with your shit without the satisfaction of sexual balance, the person that you can fart in front of. That is where you find the good men and the good women.
posted by Daniel Loomis | 8:35 AM
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