lint screen gems

For the average person, laundry is a once of week chore that takes up a good two hours of a day off to get done. It's a pain in the ass to collect all the soiled goods, drag them to the car, drive to a rundown Laundromat, find six bucks or more in quarters, and then sit and wait for everything to finish in the most sensory challenging environment in the world next to the waiting room in a county jail. It's a terribly boring two or more hours of your life and you have to do it, at least, once a week. For those of you with laundry facilities in your homes, I guess you can remember the dark days of laundry or you are just spoiled and lazy. I don't hold it against you that you have machines at home, so do I, but it's a good idea to remember what life can be like without the luxury of doing laundry in the nude and only having to wash or dry one piece of clothing and not have to worry about wasting 2 bucks in quarters to do so.

Working on a farm makes for some entertaining washes. It's not the "oh, I wore this once, and it needs to be cleaned" kind of need. This is hard core. Dirt, sweat, hay, shit (animal, not mine) food particles, oil, more dirt, more sweat... Basic nastiness that no run-of-the-mill laundry soap is going to get clean. To be honest, there is nothing that gets it completely clean short of lava or hydrochloric acid, I have been showcasing some of my best stains I have ever made on clothes for the past two years. I refuse to part with these articles of clothing, they are so comfortable for me and I am only going to restain them the next time I wear them. Sadly, these are also my socializing clothes and it's not uncommon for me to show up at a nice restaurant with a pair of pants with paint on them or ground in grass stains on the knees. It's just my way. The only time I will part with an article of clothing is when it begins to smell beyond reason. If two washings can not remove the smell of deodorant neglectfullness, then that piece of clothing is going to goodwill (HEY, they need clothes and they can't be picky... Beside, where do you think I got that shirt in the first place?)

What amazes me with every wash is what is collected in the lint screen. I am not sure where the lint comes from or why it's always blue even when I am drying a load of primarily white clothes - not that they are white very long, but let's pretend. Where does this fleece like material come from? What is this blue material and what does it's presence mean to the quality of my clothes?

No one has ever given me a suitable answer to my lint screen obsession. I have resigned myself to the fact that I and the rest of the world, will never know for sure. What I do know is that it's a great idea and I wish there were more lint screens in the world. If there were only lint screens for bad social engagements that would eliminate certain persons from the experience. One for meals that would make onions and all of their evil ilk, disappear. One for sex that would eliminate the wandering hair from getting in your mouth even when you haven't performed oral sex or put your mouth anywhere near their head. One for conversation that would thin out the dull, languishing dribble that a dullard is droning on and one with.

Lint screens in politics would eliminate election year bullshit and cover up stories and practically everything you see and hear on FOX.

Yes, I want lint screens everywhere. Some place that I can scoop up a bunch of blue fleece, ball it up and give it to the cats.

I just finished stacking three tons of hay and I am covered with sweat, hay, snot and self-pity, tonight's load of laundry will include today's attire and three days of work out clothes. I can't begin to imagine what I am going to pull out in my lint screen, probably a lung.