the art of intimidating conversation
The most common criticism of me as a person outside of my glaring grammar, spelling and punctuation mistakes, is my over all presence when I am around certain people and how I can make them feel. It has come to my attention that many people feel intimidated when I am around them, especially when it comes to conversation. It would seem that when people meet me they are overwhelmed by one part of my personality or another and find themselves without much to say out of fear that I will say something about them. Therefore, what I now see is a lot of quiet people. I don't know if they are quiet because they don't like me, the easiest conclusion for me to reach, or because they are stupid, which I only assume when I know that they are truly stupid. (stupid people are not intimidated by me, they just love to chat and dig a hole, that's how I know they're stupid) I ask everyone about this "intimidation" factor that seems to be so prevalent and their common reply is, " I don't know what it is, you just scare people".
I would like to know if there is something about how I say things or what I talk about that unsettles people? I am completely aware that I seek out conversation in ways and means that are rare to the the everyday person, but that is what is interesting to me and can't be at intimidating as refreshing. I don't want to know what you are watching on television on a daily basis, I want to know what talents you possess. I don't want to know about every failed relationship you've had, I want to know why you chose those people in the first place and I want to see if you see that reason clearly too. I don't want to hear about the life you wish you were leading, I want to know why you aren't doing it now. I don't want to hear about the-wish-I-could-do's, I want to know what you are doing.
Boring, dull conversation is ruining our lives and it's everywhere these days. Introductions, goodbyes, and all the stuff in between is just fluff we have practiced this dull art a million times and continue to do it whenever we talk to someone new. Anytime you are in public and have to deal with customer service people, you hear canned conversation and their questions for you are very dull and this dulls you up even more. When you hear, "how are you?" and "can I help you find something?" over and over again, those two rather important questions lose their value to you. You learn to answer them in dull, canned fashion and that carries over into conversations with people you do know and like. I try to answer those questions as carefully and thoughtfully as the questions they truly are. If they cared to ask, then I should care enough to answer. Don't be shy, they asked. One day those questions may be really, really important and I wonder if you are going to answer them in same dull fashion that you always do. What if aliens came to earth and it was their first two questions? Would we answer in a short, lifeless and emotionless, "fine. no, thanks, just browsing" kind of way? If you were trying to enter peace talks with your enemy and they were genuine, would you answer in the cold, casual manner that inspired them to violence in the first place? Cold and casual people are always pissing us off.
Etiquette as it applies to conversation is a confusing mess and I am not sure that there are any real rules that need to be followed other than two. DON'T BE MALICIOUS and NEVER BE DULL. I think conversation is what is keeping you sane and the lack of it is what is driving you crazy. I have a theory that the most intelligent people on the planet are stuck in mental institutions because they know something grand and important but lack any ability to communicate it effectively. The knowledge of what they know and can't do drives them to insanity. There are rules to behavior, on topics and on timing when it comes to talking to others and they are all shit. Back to the two rules again, there is never a reason to make fun of someone and mean it, if it serves no end other than to be mean. And never be dull, dull people inspire violence. Outside of that, talk about anything you want with anyone. There is no such thing as a rule that says you can't talk about your love of asian hookers, with a priest. There is nothing that says you can't talk about your former or present drug habit, with your boss. There is nothing that says you can't talk about former lovers not matter how many or seemingly twisted, with a group of strangers. There is nothing that says you can't talk about your personal interests with others that you think might not share that interest. I think a new level of brave should be labeled here. Any moron can make the decision to run into a fire, very few morons will choose to talk about their secret desires, their shortcomings, their failures and their dreams with a complete stranger, or worse, someone they know. That, my friends, is bravery.
I am not sure why I am so intimidating but it is making it impossible for me to find a good conversation or to even find a lot of mid level conversations. If people continue to clam up when I am around, it's going to be a quiet, one sided rant on my part and as much as I enjoy ranting, I would prefer to laugh and be amazed.
I appreciate people who say, "I just love to hear you talk" or "I love to watch you talk to others", that makes me feel like I possess something interesting. It took me a long time to realize that they were saying I was entertaining and not intelligent, which I took hard and it made me recoil from most of these little chats. The people that say, "I would love for you to meet my friend or (fill in the blank), I think you two would really like each other". Or, "you would tear him/her up." Or, "It would be interesting to be a fly on the wall." Again, I thought it was due to some intellectual talent but I see now it's more an entertainment thing. If I had known that me talking to others was a source of great entertainment I would have retooled my comedy act and just chatted someone up the whole show. So one poor soul doesn't enjoy the show, but the rest of the people would have loved it. Which is a better ratio than I normally get.
I am not intimidating, but I am not typical. When you talk to me, if you ever do, you will see that the flow of conversation is not going to be bland and everyday. I will ask you a ton of questions and will really want to hear the answers. If this intimidates you, then it's probably best that you just read my writing and not try to seek me out. If you know me and choose not to talk around me, it is making me rethink why I am friends with you in the first place. I am a creature of information and without it, my interest wanes. Continue to take part in the conversation or go talk to the woman at the bank.
I would like to know if there is something about how I say things or what I talk about that unsettles people? I am completely aware that I seek out conversation in ways and means that are rare to the the everyday person, but that is what is interesting to me and can't be at intimidating as refreshing. I don't want to know what you are watching on television on a daily basis, I want to know what talents you possess. I don't want to know about every failed relationship you've had, I want to know why you chose those people in the first place and I want to see if you see that reason clearly too. I don't want to hear about the life you wish you were leading, I want to know why you aren't doing it now. I don't want to hear about the-wish-I-could-do's, I want to know what you are doing.
Boring, dull conversation is ruining our lives and it's everywhere these days. Introductions, goodbyes, and all the stuff in between is just fluff we have practiced this dull art a million times and continue to do it whenever we talk to someone new. Anytime you are in public and have to deal with customer service people, you hear canned conversation and their questions for you are very dull and this dulls you up even more. When you hear, "how are you?" and "can I help you find something?" over and over again, those two rather important questions lose their value to you. You learn to answer them in dull, canned fashion and that carries over into conversations with people you do know and like. I try to answer those questions as carefully and thoughtfully as the questions they truly are. If they cared to ask, then I should care enough to answer. Don't be shy, they asked. One day those questions may be really, really important and I wonder if you are going to answer them in same dull fashion that you always do. What if aliens came to earth and it was their first two questions? Would we answer in a short, lifeless and emotionless, "fine. no, thanks, just browsing" kind of way? If you were trying to enter peace talks with your enemy and they were genuine, would you answer in the cold, casual manner that inspired them to violence in the first place? Cold and casual people are always pissing us off.
Etiquette as it applies to conversation is a confusing mess and I am not sure that there are any real rules that need to be followed other than two. DON'T BE MALICIOUS and NEVER BE DULL. I think conversation is what is keeping you sane and the lack of it is what is driving you crazy. I have a theory that the most intelligent people on the planet are stuck in mental institutions because they know something grand and important but lack any ability to communicate it effectively. The knowledge of what they know and can't do drives them to insanity. There are rules to behavior, on topics and on timing when it comes to talking to others and they are all shit. Back to the two rules again, there is never a reason to make fun of someone and mean it, if it serves no end other than to be mean. And never be dull, dull people inspire violence. Outside of that, talk about anything you want with anyone. There is no such thing as a rule that says you can't talk about your love of asian hookers, with a priest. There is nothing that says you can't talk about your former or present drug habit, with your boss. There is nothing that says you can't talk about former lovers not matter how many or seemingly twisted, with a group of strangers. There is nothing that says you can't talk about your personal interests with others that you think might not share that interest. I think a new level of brave should be labeled here. Any moron can make the decision to run into a fire, very few morons will choose to talk about their secret desires, their shortcomings, their failures and their dreams with a complete stranger, or worse, someone they know. That, my friends, is bravery.
I am not sure why I am so intimidating but it is making it impossible for me to find a good conversation or to even find a lot of mid level conversations. If people continue to clam up when I am around, it's going to be a quiet, one sided rant on my part and as much as I enjoy ranting, I would prefer to laugh and be amazed.
I appreciate people who say, "I just love to hear you talk" or "I love to watch you talk to others", that makes me feel like I possess something interesting. It took me a long time to realize that they were saying I was entertaining and not intelligent, which I took hard and it made me recoil from most of these little chats. The people that say, "I would love for you to meet my friend or (fill in the blank), I think you two would really like each other". Or, "you would tear him/her up." Or, "It would be interesting to be a fly on the wall." Again, I thought it was due to some intellectual talent but I see now it's more an entertainment thing. If I had known that me talking to others was a source of great entertainment I would have retooled my comedy act and just chatted someone up the whole show. So one poor soul doesn't enjoy the show, but the rest of the people would have loved it. Which is a better ratio than I normally get.
I am not intimidating, but I am not typical. When you talk to me, if you ever do, you will see that the flow of conversation is not going to be bland and everyday. I will ask you a ton of questions and will really want to hear the answers. If this intimidates you, then it's probably best that you just read my writing and not try to seek me out. If you know me and choose not to talk around me, it is making me rethink why I am friends with you in the first place. I am a creature of information and without it, my interest wanes. Continue to take part in the conversation or go talk to the woman at the bank.
posted by Daniel Loomis | 7:28 AM
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