who is this, Brad Pitt?
I have no answers for this, but I will admit to having read an interview in US Weekly with Jennifer Aniston, the former Mrs. Brad Pitt, the former FRIENDS star and the present standard bearer for all women who's marriage ended when their husband slept with Angelina Jolie. The magazine came to my house, what was I supposed to do? Sometimes between good literature and instruction manuals, there is a need for dribble.
Jilted as she may be, Ms. Aniston has kept pretty quiet about the break up from Brad. It's been 9 months since the split and not a peep has crossed her lips about it save for a few mentions that she and Brad were still, "Friends" and that, "She doesn't hold any ill will toward him." Of course, we all knew this was bullshit but were not able to confirm this until this past week. Now, Jen has finally let it all out. She is no longer holding back her tormented feelings and she is letting Brad and Angie have it. Jen style. She went to the press. I don't think any of us wanted to know about it or even hear about it, I think she has ulterior motives. This is what I think...
It wasn't the kind of rant that you would expect out of a celebrity. Usually a celebrity will seem very composed and their comments will seem to perfect, as if they were written by a novelist. It's the, "I deeply regret's... my heart goes out's... surrounded by friends and family's..." Comments that you see and hear so often. Canned speeches if you will. The seem so structured and filtered because usually a publicist handles the statement for the celebrity. A great idea when you think of what you would say in the same kind of moments. Notice you never hear, "that rat bastard! I'm going to kill him!", it's usually pretty tame and dull. Apparently Jen fired her publicist and gave this interview with answers straight from the hip. Good for her. Break that trend and tred on new ground. Not that it means anything to mankind, but good for her.
Her answers and her comments are nothing new. A lot of, "he is a pig" and that kind of thing. The usual dribble that falls out our mouths when we talk about an ex after a nasty break up. We all do it and it annoys everyone, especially those that were pleading with us to break it off a lot sooner than we did for the exact reasons we are bitching about them now. That, and it's annoying to constantly hear about it every five minutes.
What surprises me about this particular break up is that it has Brad Pitt in it. Brad Pitt, the sexist man alive, TWICE! Women have dehydrated from fantasizing about him too much. For the past 14 years, Brad Pitt's name has appeared on every "hottest male" list that has come out, all the while, Brad, has stayed relatively mum. Rarely giving interviews and shunning the sexual spotlight that any normal man would kill himself to be in. His dating track record reads like a man without taste; Gywneth "Let them eat cake" Paltrow, Juliette "I swear I'm not white trash, it's just an act" Lewis and other less notables. (Geena Davis) Brad has played it pretty well, I'd say, he never really says anything profound and is just rolling in the tangible fields of women's fantasy, never making it into a public spectacle that we all thought it would be. He could literally, have 92 percent of the women of the world and he chooses to select women from the still waters of the gene pool. Outstanding.
Not many of the women of the world know this about Brad, but he's from Missouri, my home state. It's a little known fact that it's the greatest state in the Union, home to such greats as Mark Twain, Eminem, Sheryl Crow, Rush Limbaugh, Kevin Kline, Charlie Parker, Harry Truman, Kathleen Turner and me. We are all the best in our respective fields. Missouri, we sure know how to breed em. Missouri also has a dark side, it's one of the great bottom dweller states. It appears on the top of such lists as; illiteracy, drunk driving, education, drug use, crime and number of hillbillies. The few lists we find ourselves at the bottom of are; Best places to raise a family and Best states to date a person from. And here's why...
Jennifer Aniston mentioned in her interview that she was upset over the fact that it took her so long to realize that Brad was so, "insensitive". He apparently lacked any sensitivity of any kind. Really? I, for one, am shocked. Did I mention that Brad was from Missouri? Didn't anyone tell her before she married him? When he took her home to Springfield to meet his folks, did it occur to her that she was in Missouri? Something about Missouri to remember,; Missouri is a great place to survive a childhood and then flee from. Case in point, none of the famous people listed above, stayed there. Whatever happiness they found came after they left the uncertain borders of Missouri. Again, a great place to be from, even greater place to leave.
The revelation that Brad is insensitive will do nothing for his popularity. Women will still be losing gallons of moisture thinking about him and even the more die-hard women who hate men that hurt a women, will still view Jennifer's loss as their gain. He is, after all is said and done, single. So their fantasies can take flight again and Brad's insensitivity will be but a minor blemish on their dreams.
Side note: I forget to call someone back... I am the biggest pig that has ever lived and there are graves being dug. So why is Brad Pitt still masturbation fodder for millions of women and I am the focused rage of psychopaths? What is the difference between articulate Daniel and pretty Brad? He's from the other side of the state. I'm from the side of the state that no one likes to talk about and qualifies us for some many of those lists... (maybe that's it)
Be cautious what you read in magazines. I take two things away from the interview. One, Jen's single now and looking for some revenge sex. I wonder how low on the food chain she is willing to go? I doubt men from Missouri on tops on her list, but you never know. Two, Brad is smarter than I thought. The more I read, the more I realized how long I would have lasted with Jen and I think he got out while the gettin' was good. There seemed to be some genius in his actions. Of course, I am quick to remember that his next act completely wiped away any thought that he was a genius. He went after Angelina Jolie. Many of you may think her a prize, but I don't, not in the slightest. Remember, she married Billy Bob Thorton (from Arkansas) so what kind of prize could she be? The only method to her madness seems to be, taking pity on the less fortunate of the world. She has two adopted children from third world countries and she dates hillbillies.
In the end, Brad's silence has only aided in the development of his world-wide fantasy, had he opened his mouth, he would have lost fans. Jennifer used the media to try to strike at the heart of his popularity and to enjoy some self pity and it back fired. No one will care and it won't affect anyone's decision about the matter. As the world at large sees it, he upgraded and she is annoying. So, thank you Brad for putting men from Missouri at the top of another list, most likely to let you down.
Jilted as she may be, Ms. Aniston has kept pretty quiet about the break up from Brad. It's been 9 months since the split and not a peep has crossed her lips about it save for a few mentions that she and Brad were still, "Friends" and that, "She doesn't hold any ill will toward him." Of course, we all knew this was bullshit but were not able to confirm this until this past week. Now, Jen has finally let it all out. She is no longer holding back her tormented feelings and she is letting Brad and Angie have it. Jen style. She went to the press. I don't think any of us wanted to know about it or even hear about it, I think she has ulterior motives. This is what I think...
It wasn't the kind of rant that you would expect out of a celebrity. Usually a celebrity will seem very composed and their comments will seem to perfect, as if they were written by a novelist. It's the, "I deeply regret's... my heart goes out's... surrounded by friends and family's..." Comments that you see and hear so often. Canned speeches if you will. The seem so structured and filtered because usually a publicist handles the statement for the celebrity. A great idea when you think of what you would say in the same kind of moments. Notice you never hear, "that rat bastard! I'm going to kill him!", it's usually pretty tame and dull. Apparently Jen fired her publicist and gave this interview with answers straight from the hip. Good for her. Break that trend and tred on new ground. Not that it means anything to mankind, but good for her.
Her answers and her comments are nothing new. A lot of, "he is a pig" and that kind of thing. The usual dribble that falls out our mouths when we talk about an ex after a nasty break up. We all do it and it annoys everyone, especially those that were pleading with us to break it off a lot sooner than we did for the exact reasons we are bitching about them now. That, and it's annoying to constantly hear about it every five minutes.
What surprises me about this particular break up is that it has Brad Pitt in it. Brad Pitt, the sexist man alive, TWICE! Women have dehydrated from fantasizing about him too much. For the past 14 years, Brad Pitt's name has appeared on every "hottest male" list that has come out, all the while, Brad, has stayed relatively mum. Rarely giving interviews and shunning the sexual spotlight that any normal man would kill himself to be in. His dating track record reads like a man without taste; Gywneth "Let them eat cake" Paltrow, Juliette "I swear I'm not white trash, it's just an act" Lewis and other less notables. (Geena Davis) Brad has played it pretty well, I'd say, he never really says anything profound and is just rolling in the tangible fields of women's fantasy, never making it into a public spectacle that we all thought it would be. He could literally, have 92 percent of the women of the world and he chooses to select women from the still waters of the gene pool. Outstanding.
Not many of the women of the world know this about Brad, but he's from Missouri, my home state. It's a little known fact that it's the greatest state in the Union, home to such greats as Mark Twain, Eminem, Sheryl Crow, Rush Limbaugh, Kevin Kline, Charlie Parker, Harry Truman, Kathleen Turner and me. We are all the best in our respective fields. Missouri, we sure know how to breed em. Missouri also has a dark side, it's one of the great bottom dweller states. It appears on the top of such lists as; illiteracy, drunk driving, education, drug use, crime and number of hillbillies. The few lists we find ourselves at the bottom of are; Best places to raise a family and Best states to date a person from. And here's why...
Jennifer Aniston mentioned in her interview that she was upset over the fact that it took her so long to realize that Brad was so, "insensitive". He apparently lacked any sensitivity of any kind. Really? I, for one, am shocked. Did I mention that Brad was from Missouri? Didn't anyone tell her before she married him? When he took her home to Springfield to meet his folks, did it occur to her that she was in Missouri? Something about Missouri to remember,; Missouri is a great place to survive a childhood and then flee from. Case in point, none of the famous people listed above, stayed there. Whatever happiness they found came after they left the uncertain borders of Missouri. Again, a great place to be from, even greater place to leave.
The revelation that Brad is insensitive will do nothing for his popularity. Women will still be losing gallons of moisture thinking about him and even the more die-hard women who hate men that hurt a women, will still view Jennifer's loss as their gain. He is, after all is said and done, single. So their fantasies can take flight again and Brad's insensitivity will be but a minor blemish on their dreams.
Side note: I forget to call someone back... I am the biggest pig that has ever lived and there are graves being dug. So why is Brad Pitt still masturbation fodder for millions of women and I am the focused rage of psychopaths? What is the difference between articulate Daniel and pretty Brad? He's from the other side of the state. I'm from the side of the state that no one likes to talk about and qualifies us for some many of those lists... (maybe that's it)
Be cautious what you read in magazines. I take two things away from the interview. One, Jen's single now and looking for some revenge sex. I wonder how low on the food chain she is willing to go? I doubt men from Missouri on tops on her list, but you never know. Two, Brad is smarter than I thought. The more I read, the more I realized how long I would have lasted with Jen and I think he got out while the gettin' was good. There seemed to be some genius in his actions. Of course, I am quick to remember that his next act completely wiped away any thought that he was a genius. He went after Angelina Jolie. Many of you may think her a prize, but I don't, not in the slightest. Remember, she married Billy Bob Thorton (from Arkansas) so what kind of prize could she be? The only method to her madness seems to be, taking pity on the less fortunate of the world. She has two adopted children from third world countries and she dates hillbillies.
In the end, Brad's silence has only aided in the development of his world-wide fantasy, had he opened his mouth, he would have lost fans. Jennifer used the media to try to strike at the heart of his popularity and to enjoy some self pity and it back fired. No one will care and it won't affect anyone's decision about the matter. As the world at large sees it, he upgraded and she is annoying. So, thank you Brad for putting men from Missouri at the top of another list, most likely to let you down.
posted by Daniel Loomis | 8:31 AM
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