kubota dragon
The calendar says that it's Saturday so it must be time to return to the waste land of last week's destruction. When last we spoke; I had just torn down the shack in the back yard with the help of young boys and my body was crippled in the process. A week later, I find myself driving down a familiar road, back to the land of dirt, dust and pain, hoping that the young boys have chickened out and that the work that lies ahead will not be as damaging to my body.
I got there a little late and I could see the husband working diligently on the front yard. With him are two new faces to the job and they are attacking their work like rabid wolverines. No sign of young boys. I knew it! Cowards and sissies all! However, according to the wife, there are supposed to be a dozen or so people working with us today. As I park down the street and walk closer to the house, my heart leaps thinking that the work will be a little easier and less painful with all of those helpers.
It's just me, the husband and the two guys in the front yard.
The two new guys turn out to be a father and son team of laborers that do this kind of thing all the time. They don't talk at all, they listen well and they work like it's the only thing keeping them alive. How they were located, I don't know. But it wouldn't surprise me if it was a side of the road, "Will work for food" scenerio. The husband is working, but again, the wife has decided that she would much rather watch. So would the neighbors who have gathered in their yards to watch the carnage.
Small crew for so much work. My body senses this and it starts to send dull throbing pains to the areas of my body that hurt last week as a reminder of what lies ahead if I continue. There is an entire building laying on it's side that needs removing. An entire backyard's worth of concrete, tree stumps, fence posts and bamboo that needs dislodging, chopping up and discarding. The front yard is still full of refuse that is too big to be carried into the trash containers and will require more attention to make it manageable for removal. AND, one of the neighbors has indicated that he will pay to have two of his full grown trees removed, if we're interested in some extra cash... Ohhhh the evil lure of greed. At what price is pain?
Enter... The Dragon.
The same neighbor with tree problems is also the neighbor that everyone wishes they could have. He's a hard working, easy living, business owner and he owns a lot of hard to find tools which he's willing to let you borrow - no questions or restrictions. These are tools that men only dream about in their rare glimpses of urban manliness. Those times when a domesticated male will try to step out and build, repair, or remove something using tools, grit and all of his manly brawn. This scene is often looked upon in complete amazement by loving spouses as it doesn't happen often. It's the same way people look at animals at a zoo. Women have been known to stand in windows or stand nearby and watch their man with a great dumbfounded look on their face; "I didn't know he could do that. Look how sexy he is all dirtied up and using his hands." Of course, this sentiment is also tinged with; "I didn't realize how unmanly he really is rest of the time".
But a man can never be mistaken while he is in the mud. His blood is pure fire and his resolve is absolute. (Sadly, the older he get, the more his muscles become shit and his coordination is nothing but awfully scary)
Thank the Gods for the most primitive invention - TOOLS!!!!!
Saws of harden American steel.... Twenty pound sledge hammers.... The Wheel, The Pry Bar, The plastic protective eye glasses, The leathery glove... And a Kubota excavator made by people that love destruction more than anyone else in the world - Japan.
It has a comfy seat, dual arm controls with joysticks (with triggers that run attachments) that run it's scoop and control the position of the brain. Foot controls with attached optional hand controls that move the tracks. It has a grater, two alternating scoops with an opposable claw, a horn, shiny buttons, blinky lights and a cup holder. IT IS THE GREATEST TOOL.... EVER!!!
As I walked into the backyard, I could see the neighbor sitting in the brain of the beast and he was opearating it so smoothly that it seemed like a ballet. He could spin the brain and lift the neck and with the precision of a brain surgeon, he could grasp an entire tree and pull it from it's roots. THEN, without a moment's thought, the great beast would swivel around and start to crawl out of the wreckage without a care or concern for what it was rolling over, and it could dispose of an entire tree in seconds. Last week it would have taken three hours to do the same work this token of the Gods' love did in fifteen seconds.
All the pain and aching had stopped. The fact that there were no young boys around didn't bother me. Who needs teenagers when you have machinery?!
Did I tell you it was the greastest tool ever?
I stood there watching it. The husband stood there watching it. The wife stood there watching it. The neighbors stood there watching it. It's mesmerizing, there was actually clapping at certain moves.
This gift from the Gods barely roars at all and it's silky moves make it seem organic, but to view it in the abstract it looks like a great hungry dragon, constantly destroying what ever lies before it. The fact that it was made in Japan makes all of this fit together, doesn't it?
I got to be it's brain. Yes, someone didn't get the memo and they put me in the mind of a destructive machine and left me there, unattended.
The neighbor wanted the booze and the husband wanted nothing to do with driving it. But I'm a huge boy and this is a huge toy. I am a man and men are drawn to destruction and all tools designed for that purpose. This is why we love guns, knives, jackhammers, firecrackers, chain saws, fire and women! They are all destructive entities and we want to play with them all the time, even if it means we get destroyed in the process. Our desire for destruction is why we have such a hard time assembling things - We would much rather destroy than create and it gives us a headache to think we are only creating something that someone else will get the pleasure of destroying later. It takes two hours to put together a shelf and two seconds to blow it up..... he he... he... he he... that was cool. Oh, the insanity... The beauty...
The Kubota dragon - You climb in and the seat contours to your butt and shocks find your comfort zone. One flip of the switch and you are destroying the world, one dragon's mouthful at a time.
Trees - Gone
Stumps - Toast
Concrete - 8 foot by 8 foot sections at time... Gravy.
Need a road through the center of your house... Step aside.
Wanna know where the gas line is buried.... Child's play.
I haven't been on a huge piece of heavy machinery in years. A tractor doesn't count, usually a tractor indicates the creative process and so I won't even mention it in the same breathe as this beauty. My skills as the brain of the dragon lack the finesse of the previous central nervous system and perhaps if I had some beer, I could delicately remove small twigs with such grace as he. For now, I think I will settle for removing not only the twig, but the two yards of soil around it.
We worked hard and the weather held on. The building was chopped up and gone in half an hour. The two trees in five minutes. The remaining concrete... Lasted the day but I have a full Sunday to redeem myself and get the rest done. Whether or not anyone else shows up, I don't care. I have my own personal dragon. If the top speed wasn't four miles per hour, I would drive one all the time. I doubt anyone would try to honk at me for going slow.
I got there a little late and I could see the husband working diligently on the front yard. With him are two new faces to the job and they are attacking their work like rabid wolverines. No sign of young boys. I knew it! Cowards and sissies all! However, according to the wife, there are supposed to be a dozen or so people working with us today. As I park down the street and walk closer to the house, my heart leaps thinking that the work will be a little easier and less painful with all of those helpers.
It's just me, the husband and the two guys in the front yard.
The two new guys turn out to be a father and son team of laborers that do this kind of thing all the time. They don't talk at all, they listen well and they work like it's the only thing keeping them alive. How they were located, I don't know. But it wouldn't surprise me if it was a side of the road, "Will work for food" scenerio. The husband is working, but again, the wife has decided that she would much rather watch. So would the neighbors who have gathered in their yards to watch the carnage.
Small crew for so much work. My body senses this and it starts to send dull throbing pains to the areas of my body that hurt last week as a reminder of what lies ahead if I continue. There is an entire building laying on it's side that needs removing. An entire backyard's worth of concrete, tree stumps, fence posts and bamboo that needs dislodging, chopping up and discarding. The front yard is still full of refuse that is too big to be carried into the trash containers and will require more attention to make it manageable for removal. AND, one of the neighbors has indicated that he will pay to have two of his full grown trees removed, if we're interested in some extra cash... Ohhhh the evil lure of greed. At what price is pain?
Enter... The Dragon.
The same neighbor with tree problems is also the neighbor that everyone wishes they could have. He's a hard working, easy living, business owner and he owns a lot of hard to find tools which he's willing to let you borrow - no questions or restrictions. These are tools that men only dream about in their rare glimpses of urban manliness. Those times when a domesticated male will try to step out and build, repair, or remove something using tools, grit and all of his manly brawn. This scene is often looked upon in complete amazement by loving spouses as it doesn't happen often. It's the same way people look at animals at a zoo. Women have been known to stand in windows or stand nearby and watch their man with a great dumbfounded look on their face; "I didn't know he could do that. Look how sexy he is all dirtied up and using his hands." Of course, this sentiment is also tinged with; "I didn't realize how unmanly he really is rest of the time".
But a man can never be mistaken while he is in the mud. His blood is pure fire and his resolve is absolute. (Sadly, the older he get, the more his muscles become shit and his coordination is nothing but awfully scary)
Thank the Gods for the most primitive invention - TOOLS!!!!!
Saws of harden American steel.... Twenty pound sledge hammers.... The Wheel, The Pry Bar, The plastic protective eye glasses, The leathery glove... And a Kubota excavator made by people that love destruction more than anyone else in the world - Japan.
It has a comfy seat, dual arm controls with joysticks (with triggers that run attachments) that run it's scoop and control the position of the brain. Foot controls with attached optional hand controls that move the tracks. It has a grater, two alternating scoops with an opposable claw, a horn, shiny buttons, blinky lights and a cup holder. IT IS THE GREATEST TOOL.... EVER!!!
As I walked into the backyard, I could see the neighbor sitting in the brain of the beast and he was opearating it so smoothly that it seemed like a ballet. He could spin the brain and lift the neck and with the precision of a brain surgeon, he could grasp an entire tree and pull it from it's roots. THEN, without a moment's thought, the great beast would swivel around and start to crawl out of the wreckage without a care or concern for what it was rolling over, and it could dispose of an entire tree in seconds. Last week it would have taken three hours to do the same work this token of the Gods' love did in fifteen seconds.
All the pain and aching had stopped. The fact that there were no young boys around didn't bother me. Who needs teenagers when you have machinery?!
Did I tell you it was the greastest tool ever?
I stood there watching it. The husband stood there watching it. The wife stood there watching it. The neighbors stood there watching it. It's mesmerizing, there was actually clapping at certain moves.
This gift from the Gods barely roars at all and it's silky moves make it seem organic, but to view it in the abstract it looks like a great hungry dragon, constantly destroying what ever lies before it. The fact that it was made in Japan makes all of this fit together, doesn't it?
I got to be it's brain. Yes, someone didn't get the memo and they put me in the mind of a destructive machine and left me there, unattended.
The neighbor wanted the booze and the husband wanted nothing to do with driving it. But I'm a huge boy and this is a huge toy. I am a man and men are drawn to destruction and all tools designed for that purpose. This is why we love guns, knives, jackhammers, firecrackers, chain saws, fire and women! They are all destructive entities and we want to play with them all the time, even if it means we get destroyed in the process. Our desire for destruction is why we have such a hard time assembling things - We would much rather destroy than create and it gives us a headache to think we are only creating something that someone else will get the pleasure of destroying later. It takes two hours to put together a shelf and two seconds to blow it up..... he he... he... he he... that was cool. Oh, the insanity... The beauty...
The Kubota dragon - You climb in and the seat contours to your butt and shocks find your comfort zone. One flip of the switch and you are destroying the world, one dragon's mouthful at a time.
Trees - Gone
Stumps - Toast
Concrete - 8 foot by 8 foot sections at time... Gravy.
Need a road through the center of your house... Step aside.
Wanna know where the gas line is buried.... Child's play.
I haven't been on a huge piece of heavy machinery in years. A tractor doesn't count, usually a tractor indicates the creative process and so I won't even mention it in the same breathe as this beauty. My skills as the brain of the dragon lack the finesse of the previous central nervous system and perhaps if I had some beer, I could delicately remove small twigs with such grace as he. For now, I think I will settle for removing not only the twig, but the two yards of soil around it.
We worked hard and the weather held on. The building was chopped up and gone in half an hour. The two trees in five minutes. The remaining concrete... Lasted the day but I have a full Sunday to redeem myself and get the rest done. Whether or not anyone else shows up, I don't care. I have my own personal dragon. If the top speed wasn't four miles per hour, I would drive one all the time. I doubt anyone would try to honk at me for going slow.
posted by Daniel Loomis | 8:21 AM
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