QUESTIONS OF THE WEAK

What is exactly wrong, in your estimation, with your libido?

My libido is retired. I am just not interested in sex at the moment.
I think I would rather talk to someone. It was just time to seek out
something new.

If you are not meant for big city life (reference "Many Berries 
of Malta"), then what does the near future hold for you, in terms 
of living arrangements?

I plan on living at the Perch until the lease is up (October) After that,
I don't know if I want to move back to the Forgottens or stay until next May
and then move back. Sometimes it's a good idea to see an area for a
complete cycle of seasons.


What happened to Heidi?

She lives. Poorly, yes, but she lives. She is still in the Forgottens,
keeping the area free of crumbs and excess food.

What do all of your tattoos mean?

Neck tattoo: Greater than or equal to, symbol. It's my personal
philosphy.
No one is better than me. They are either equal to me or lesser,
everyone should feel this way.
Right arm: Native Crest, Dance of life, Don Quixote, Infinity symbol
Left arm: Black sun, Compass, Ruler.
Back: Crab, Phoenix
Right Leg: Mermaid
Left Leg: Bullwinkle

What do they all mean? I don't know... But I have more to come.
Look for them in the next year.


While at subway are you already writing in your head or does it just roll out while writing?  

I carry a small notepad. I write down ideas or quotes that I like. Then I sit down to write the blog
and the ideas flow out. I have no real idea what I want to say until I start writing. Usually the
thoughts are a just an idea and I just free form the writing until it's ready to post. Thankfully,
I learned to use spell check and there are enough Danists that know proper grammar whom are
willing to share with me every time I fuck up and that has taught me to go back and grammar
check my posts. It doesn't always work (I know this because I still get emails telling me I'm a
fuck up) but I'm getting better.

I believe the Subway story didn't hit me until much later.

Did you know that when you are out doing something, your blog is clearer?

No, I didn't. But thank you for giving me another reason to anticipate Writer's Block during my
down time.

What happened with you health wise (dizziness, your foot, etc) and are you alright?

I am. I'm overweight, my muscles ache from the labor of the weekend, but basically
I'm okay.

What made you stop smoking, drinking, "womanizing"? 

Smoking - I got the flu and when I woke up from feeling poopy, I didn't smoke any more.
I just ran with it. I miss smoking.... A LOT! But I found that I enjoy smell a lot more, so
I won't start for that reason alone. If I lose that, I'm puffing. It doesn't help that people keep
telling me the story of how they quit for two years and then started again. I fear for my future.

Drinking - I drank too much, which led to many, many problems. So I quit. It was free to
me every night and I loved it too much. It makes me poop the next day and that isn't good
if my next show is a 12 hour drive away and I have to be there NOW. I drink once a year,
with Marcus in Calgary. At a weird little pub in downtown Calgary.

Womanizing - I womaned too much, which led to many, many problems. So I quit. Women
are fun, but there are fewer and fewer good lays left. A lot of talented lovers retired themselves
or the quality just dropped off. The number of options was just getting slimmer and slimmer.
The amount of work compared with the end result was just not worth it. It just makes more
sense to wait for exceptional circumstances and exceptional women.

How did you do it and how do you handle it with your lifestyle?

Easy, Smoking was always there, so was drinking. And chicks dig comics. So I was really in
the best position to be a vice-ladden mad man.

What's up with Peru, any chance in the near future?

Not right at the moment. It still lives as a life goal. That and Tuva, but for now, I have things I
have to do here. I would like to ride down there.

What were you doing the last time that you were sublimely happy (non-sexual)?

I was most likely traveling, watching a movie, writing a story, eating a great meal or talking
with interesting people and/or laughing.

What type of material do you do in your show?

I take common sayings and unspoken issues and I give them levity and a voice. I speak of things
most people find very uncomfortable.

What do you consider your best show ever?  Why? 

My best show.  I don't remember. No comic remembers the best show, just the worst.

Do you have plans for exploring Korea while there and what are they?

I would like to fly to China and explore the great wall and the yellow river valley as it fills with
water. Then i would like to ride up to Mongolia and tour around there for a while.

How do you handle a "bad show" and pull your socks up to do the next? 

Bad shows? When you are young performer, your time on stage is limited and you live for the
next stage appearance, so it's important that it goes well because if you suck, you will have to
live that misery until a good show washes it away. If you don't go back on stage for two weeks,
you're in misery that entire time.

As you get better, you get more time on stage and more frequent appearances. At this time, you
start to notice if you are having more bad or good shows. If you suck more, then you should quit,
if you do well most of the time, you get to move on.(this doesn't always happen and we have
a lot of comics that suck that are still around that live in denial).

When you just have good show after good show after good show, a bad show seems less like
your fault and more circumstantial - the audience was bad, the sound system, lack of sleep, etc.
So you don't carry a bad show with you very long at all. Your ego wipes the slate clean.

If you get to my level and beyond - all shows are good. Even the sucky ones are good.

You've made several blog references to book writing.  about what, how is it going?

I am working on a collection of short stories and I am trying to figure out how to pagenate my
other books on my own using InDesign. Which I have no clue how to use. That is my big hang up
at the moment.

What authors do you like?

Twain is my hero. I wish I could just say his name and walk into the forest with a smile, but I
know you want more... Rand, Hesse, Joyce, Thomas, Eliot, Thoreau, Emerson, LeCarre, Vowel.

What is your all time favorite book?

Presently - The Confederacy of Dunces.

You wanted to do films, what aspect?

Writing, I could care less about the rest.

From ones you've seen which would have been yours or you?

I have no idea what this question means. If you mean what film best represents me; The
Razor's Edge. If you mean, what films would I have done; The Razor's Edge.

How many (hits on the blog) is a good day?

4000.

How are the hits logged, does it help or hurt to may quickie hits?

Views are logged by people coming to the site. The software I have no clue how it works.
Does it help or hurt? I have no idea.

What did you say to your friend after she lost her son?

There is no easy statement you can make. I can't imagine the loss she is experiencing. When
loss happens, the rage is complete and time is the only enemy working against you. I don't
want to be one of the people that makes empty commentary or tries to feed her. I just want her
to last. This pain is eternal.

Do you think you can read minds?

No. I don't claim to be able to, but I do have a very perceptive eye and my mind works in a unique
way that allows me to do complex math equations which determine behavior. It's deductive
reasoning. That's all.

Why do you hate women so much?

I don't HATE women. SO much of my writing that deals with women seems negative because
I know when my female readership reads it they will see the challenge. I don't hate women,
I'm discouraged at their lack of pride and with the women I know I want peace for them. I know
no women that are at peace. There is a pain that each woman carries with them and that pain
is almost always self-inflicted. It's my wish that they will heal that wound and it starts by admiting
or noticing that it's there. Frustration is a big weakness of mine. But give my actions time and
their purpose will show themselves. Most women who know me personally will tell you that I am
a huge pain in the ass to know.

If you don't hate them, why are you so hard on them?

See above. I guess I'm selfish and I want the women that I know that are exceptional to be so.
If I have to be harsh and abrasive to expose the truth, so be it.

Do you think men are any better?

No. Actually, as I have said before - Men are trolls, tools and toys. Tell them what to do, and tell
them why - they'll do it. Need something done - they'll do it. Need someone to entertain you - they'll
do it. Where we see so many problems between men and women is in the DOM-SUB role play.
History made women subs and it's hard to escape that. (women love to be chased and
"manhandled") But when women challenged that more, an internal conflict began. This led to a
social conflict and now it's just an annoying topic that people talk about from time to time.
However, women still love to be "taken", even if it is by a tool.

Please explain your math?

I don't have a short answer for my mental math. I wish I could make you understand. It involves
massive amounts of variables. I don't mean ten or twenty, but hundreds and thousands. All of
which need to be factored and ratio-ed before you can make an assesment. And it all has to
happen in less than a moment.

What other movies do you recommend?

In what catagory? I could review movies all day. I really could. What are you looking for
in a movie? I can give you a must see list or a few in a specific catagory. I wouldn't make
a personal list and include a lot of films that might piss you off, so give me an idea of what
kind of films entertained you in the past. Let's start with "Amelie"...

What books do you recommend?

Life lessons? Fluff? Murder Mystery? Educational? Sexual? Who are you?

Where is your favorite place on earth?

It has changed over the years, but when I think about it, Oswald State Park on the Oregon
Coast is my favorite place on earth. My ashes should be spread there.

Are you sad?

Yes. Often. But I am blissfully happy too. So I embrace it all.

When can we expect the books and the cds?

I am trying to get them out right now. Does anyone know how to use InDesign? Imic?

What kind of typewriters(do you collect)?

I have Royals, Underwoods, Remingtons, Smith Coronas, Tippas, Websters, Olympics...( Photos
coming soon.)

When did this start(collecting typewriters)?

I started the typewriter thing when I saw that my father's (chuck) typewriter was full of his cigarette
ashes and food crumbs. In order to preserve his memory, I bought another typewriter, loved it
and bought another... and then another.... IF you see a MANUAL typewriter in your town...
BUY IT FOR ME!!!!! I will pay you back if you don't spend a zillion dollars on it.

How many do you have now?

13 (with five more in processing)

What do you plan on doing with them?

Cleaning them, fixing them, writing on them. And staring at their beauty like I would stare at a
woman with a beautiful laugh.

Where do you find them?

On line. Goodwill. Garage Sales. Second hand stores.

Do you think the death of your friend's son will affect your humor?

Only if my friend is in the audience. If not, then no.  For her and a few others, I would be willing to
censor my show. I know she would only come to the show for laughter and I don't think my
sense of artistic integrity out weighs my desire to be a good friend to her at this time.

Have you ever censored your show for someone?

Yes, My father (bill) came to a show and I was as clean as clean gets. Christians would have
thought me to be a saint. And I have also changed my show to do corporate shows for MONEY!

Are you scared of falling off (of my bike)?

No. I was scared of a lot of things at first, but now, I enjoy the experience and I can't
wait for longer rides in the country. Sadly, in city riding is a lot of stop and go and it sucks.

Who are your favorite poets?

Eliot, Thomas, Whitman, Sanders, Dickinson.

Who are your favorite artists?

Picaso, Homer, Lempica, Basquiat, Seuss

Who are your favorite actors?

See Caine/Murray award winners post.

Where did you hear of that dog poem?

It's on a statue in Warrensburg, Missouri. I first saw it as a kid when I went to visit family in the
Knob Noster, Missouri cemetery. Yes, that's where my southern family is from. And it's not
a poem, it's a closing statement to a jury. (George Graham Vest)

Do you read the bible?

I have read it a couple of times. I read it backwards not too long ago. I own five bibles, two
Korans, a Book of Mormon (with my name on it) a book of budhist teachings, and I am a Daoist.

When are you going to stop writing the blog?

October.

What is your favorite television show?

Frontline or Family Guy.

Who is your favorite musician?

Stevie Ray Vaughnn, U2, Concrete Blonde, The Cowboy Junkies or Charles Mingus.

How many people do you think you have slept with your entire life?

I am going to answer this time, only because the question sounds so odd. You mean my
ENTIRE life? Not just a part of it...

Last count... 1450- ish people in 16 years. (÷/- 20 people)

Do you think that that makes you a pro?

A pro? No. What it says is different to different people. Some people would think it sad, others
would think it amazing or awesome. Still others would see it as sinful or self-destructive.

I say this... Everyone has a picture they aren't proud to be in, but instead of throwing it away
we keep it for another person to see.

What I like most about this question is that you asked this question thinking the number was
going to be low and therefore make your second question look more profound. I should have
just crushed your little soul under my wraith, but I am trying to be fair this year. You escaped.

That's it. Again, another perfect opportunity to get to know Daniel has come and gone. The questions about posts
were not on the menu this time around... Did you people stop reading them?

I appreciate your feedback.