How to start your own religion
I often mention religion in my writings and if you have ever met me you know it's one of my favorite things to rant on and on about. There is simple nothing I love more than ripping apart an organized system of faiths. Oh, the joy!
I know that there are some among us that can't get their heads around why we are here or where do we go when we die, and I am careful not to step on the fragile belief systems that people have created. I know people need those questions answered and I think that sort of thinking deserves some recognition. Bravo to you for even thinking like that. Good for you to ask in the first place. Let's move on....
Stop borrowing other people's opinions and make some of your own. In the process you might find some answers that others before you might, or did, overlook. This is how you start.
One. You must answer all the deep questions as if you were explaining the answers to a small, mentally challenged child. That is how all major religions do it and I think it's only fair that you do too.
Two. After you answer the big questions, now you must answer the rest of them. The little ones that clog up the original answers and send you into hysterics over the details. The rest of the questions you look like this; Why does a zebra have stripes? Why are there mountains? Why can't you drink the water in the ocean? Why do some berries kill you when you eat them? Etc. The farther down this path you go, the more you'll see your original idea fall apart.
Three. Go back and revise answers in step one. Make them fit.
Four. The afterlife questions. It's time to make rules for living. The "get in's" and the "didn't make the cut's". Make up a set of rules that doesn't defy the natural order of things, unless you feel superior to all things including the opposite sex and people of other skin tones. Make them bad if it makes you purer and then include a penalty either in life or after life to accommodate their impurity.
Five. Make room for other opinions. Decide whether or not evil exists in your world and what, if anything, should be done about it. The origins of evil are just as important as the origins of good, so you may want to revise step one again to accommodate for evil things.
Six. Application. Test your religion out on the world. If preaching is good, then do it. If it's evil then wait for a prophet to arrive via large shiny stars, etc. Ever major religion needs a spokes model, this is your chance to pick one out. There should be a method for them to prove themselves.
Seven. Kill that fucking prophet before they change everything you worked so hard to figure out.
Eight. Gather followers in remote location and further explain the universe as it applies to the rules you have put together.
Nine. Establish a state or compound, use guns, kill the locals all in the name of your new religion. It's okay, you're on the side of right. If not, then go back and revise step one.
Ten. Do your best to defy your own beliefs and discover the joy of hypocrisy as it will show the way. If you need examples; mormons don't drink caffeine but they own Pepsi.
Eleven. Die and become soil like everything else.
I know that there are some among us that can't get their heads around why we are here or where do we go when we die, and I am careful not to step on the fragile belief systems that people have created. I know people need those questions answered and I think that sort of thinking deserves some recognition. Bravo to you for even thinking like that. Good for you to ask in the first place. Let's move on....
Stop borrowing other people's opinions and make some of your own. In the process you might find some answers that others before you might, or did, overlook. This is how you start.
One. You must answer all the deep questions as if you were explaining the answers to a small, mentally challenged child. That is how all major religions do it and I think it's only fair that you do too.
Two. After you answer the big questions, now you must answer the rest of them. The little ones that clog up the original answers and send you into hysterics over the details. The rest of the questions you look like this; Why does a zebra have stripes? Why are there mountains? Why can't you drink the water in the ocean? Why do some berries kill you when you eat them? Etc. The farther down this path you go, the more you'll see your original idea fall apart.
Three. Go back and revise answers in step one. Make them fit.
Four. The afterlife questions. It's time to make rules for living. The "get in's" and the "didn't make the cut's". Make up a set of rules that doesn't defy the natural order of things, unless you feel superior to all things including the opposite sex and people of other skin tones. Make them bad if it makes you purer and then include a penalty either in life or after life to accommodate their impurity.
Five. Make room for other opinions. Decide whether or not evil exists in your world and what, if anything, should be done about it. The origins of evil are just as important as the origins of good, so you may want to revise step one again to accommodate for evil things.
Six. Application. Test your religion out on the world. If preaching is good, then do it. If it's evil then wait for a prophet to arrive via large shiny stars, etc. Ever major religion needs a spokes model, this is your chance to pick one out. There should be a method for them to prove themselves.
Seven. Kill that fucking prophet before they change everything you worked so hard to figure out.
Eight. Gather followers in remote location and further explain the universe as it applies to the rules you have put together.
Nine. Establish a state or compound, use guns, kill the locals all in the name of your new religion. It's okay, you're on the side of right. If not, then go back and revise step one.
Ten. Do your best to defy your own beliefs and discover the joy of hypocrisy as it will show the way. If you need examples; mormons don't drink caffeine but they own Pepsi.
Eleven. Die and become soil like everything else.
posted by Daniel Loomis | 5:45 PM
