a show for the ages
Pendleton, Oregon. One man show. Which isn't to say that my MC wasn't a big part of the production, but ultimately the show is mine to make or break based on my performance.
In entertainment, there are different levels of venues and their meanings indicate where you are in entertainment: There is film and television, which will bring you money and fame on a level that I have never known. There is grand theaters, opera houses and both the Broadway and London stages. Each of these will bring you fame but only in the minds of gay men, overly dramatic women and old rich people that habitually go to the theater. I'm not knocking these groups, indeed it's these three groups are the majority of the system that sets the tone for all entertainment in the world. If these three groups don't like it, then it's garbage and most likely something that a NASCAR fan would love or staring Sly Stallone. There is the outdoor ampitheater and old legion halls, these are nice, mid-level, middle of the road stages. There are bars, clubs, juke joints, roadhouses, dives and slashes(restaurant slash bar, bingo hall slash roller rink, etc) these are making a living, but not really serious about it stages. And then there is the grandest of all venues - the hotel lobby bar. It's a cliche in entertainment and it's meant to describe the end of your career: "After ten years on television and I end up in this shitty hotel lobby bar." You get the idea. The only lower form is the coffeehouse, but this is self imposed by novices that don't know better or people who are desperate for attention and will go anywhere to be seen and heard, even a laundry mat.
My one man opus was in a hotel lobby bar and I made magic. The jokes came fast and furious. The laughter was deep and meaningful. The faces of those in attendence were contorted and looked to be in pain from all the belly laughter. The stage was smoking under a star filled sky. The booze was slick and the women were... Heard.
It seems that one woman was in NO mood for me, A feeling I have felt for other people from time to time and I have inspired in others before. In fact, I would say that most people feel this "mood" when they meet me. I have that aura about me. I dont' know what it is. This woman was really in a new space with this mood and she was taking it further than any other mood aflicted person that I had ever met before. I guess she just didn't want to sit there and take it and seeing as there was no coffeehouse nearby for her to go and let it all out, she decided to speak up. Not something that is very healthy for the weaker sex to do when they are sauced up.
In the middle of my bit called, "Why women are never going to be equal to men" - which is hysterical - I heard a voice from the darkness of her heart cry out, "How can you disrespect women. You come from a woman." Of course, the latter comment is debatable, but I will give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she doesn't know my mother and was just generalizing. (Those that know me, know that I was raised by wolves and a big bear named, Blue) She went on to say, "Women are all powerful and we create life. Men have little to nothing to do with the creation of the world, just destruction."
In part, she is absolutely correct. However, her attitude about her lot in life needs some adjusting. Men are bad, and women are good. And it's cute when women say stuff, but it should be pretty and not ugly stuff that comes out of their mouths. Her family must hide their faces a lot. Poor thing.
Yes, women are pretty involved with the rearing of babies, but that doesn't quite make them the creators of the universe. I am willing to see them half way, but I am not willing to let them have more than that. Sadly, they do get shafted and they have to do all the carrying the baby around part. But that's the job of the female in most species. That's why we have women in the first place. Their crock pots. If there was another way to make babies, women would have a real hard time finding any equality at all. In fact, without the pregnancy thing, women would be pets or collectibles for men.
The fact that they do all the mindless "baby stuff" after it's born has more to do with the fact that they are so emotionally bonded to the little shit after having carried it around for so long. Again, a sad side effect of being a woman. I do know of cases were women are nothing but thrilled when the child is out and they never want to get close to it again. They hope instead that others will do that for them - nannies, au pairs, governornesses, their parents, babysitters. These women will grapple the child like a trophy if others are around to show it off too. So, there are kinks in the DNA sequence in some women. What should we do with these women?
If men are really not a part of the child bearing, or rearing process, then why do we have child support cases? I wish this lady would show up in every court room where a man is being raped for child support and tell the court how she feels. Perhaps she could show the mother in the case, "the light" and save the legal system a lot of time and money. If the world could only see that men have nothing to do with children and let the world evolve into peace and harmony. Alas, it is not meant to be, so I guess we men should go out and shoot at deer or foreigners.
Here are some things to think about that a former teacher gave me...
Stats:
Number of criminals from one parent(mother only) families - 1:3
Number of criminals from one parent(father only) families - 1:150
Cost of prosecuting crimes in America (one parent, mother only families) 650 million a year.
Cost of housing criminals in America (one parent, mother only families) 3 Billion a year.
Cost of the average marriage in America - $4000.00
Cost of the average divorce in America - $7000.00
Cost to delivery a baby in America - $6000.00
Cost of a box of condoms (12 pack) - $8.00
Cost spent to promote abstinence by the US government - 120 million a year.
Cost spent to prosecute "dead beat dads" - 94 million a year.
Cost spent to prosecute "dead beat mothers" - No known statistic available.
Cost spent by family services to mediate visitations - 230 million a year.
Cost for adoption - $11,000
Cost for abortion(national average) - $400.00
Cost to raise one child for 18 years in America (average) - $267,000 1999 stat)
Men do play a part in the birthing process as I tried to pointedly comment to this poor woman. Men, as I recall, Do have to take part in order for the whole process to begin. She said, "No they don't!" Now, she could have been referring to the whole "raising" process, I don't know. She's a woman, and she was talking in circles like "they" do. I was talking about the "conception" part, I don't think she understood me, poor thing.
It's true that women can make babies without men, but not without the secret special sauce that men carry around within them( If a woman does figure out a way to reproduce without a man, she's a lizard, an alien, or an amoeba). I like to call what men have the 13 original herbs and spices. A blend of goodies that make women go crazy and make men want to fight wars, kill deer and watch Sly Stallone movies. These little herbs and spices keep the world spinning and keep women down. As it should be. There is a delicate balance to the universe and trying to mess with man's good works will only bring everything crashing down and then where would women get their lipsticks? I guess she wasn't thinking about that.
The petty little female continued (where her husband was, I don't know. But I bet he is very embarrassed and ashamed. He should beat her). "Women are bitches. We are all powerful. Being a bitch is a good thing. Women are better than men. Don't mess with me or I will kick your ass in the parking lot."
I love a good ass beating as much as the next man. There is nothing cuter than watching a woman try to beat up a man with those weak little arms and that face filled with tears and frustration. OOOH!!! There is nothing more adorable than a woman scorned. Sadly, her comments were empty and she didn't dance with me in the parking lot after the show and the reason we didn't tango can be found in the point that I was making in the joke I was telling that set off her diatribe - Women are not equal to men because you can't beat a woman. Until it's okay to beat women, they will always earn two dollars less an hour. This will never happen.
I think that she knew that. I think women are both disgusted and pleased by the rules that are set before them. Most of them, they created: Treat me equal, but treat me like a woman. Treat me like a lady, but don't mess with me, I'm a bitch. Make love to me slowly and softly, or fuck me on the countertop in the kitchen and call me a cum slut. I look pretty in my tight dress that shows off my figure, why do men look at my tits when they talk to me? This lack of consistency can only mean one thing - Prozac diet on the horizon.
I have never heard a 14 year old boy say, "I want to raise this child, I think I'm mature enough." It's sad that men walk away from accidental parenthood, but most of the time, so should women. Sadly, too many people try to stick it out and then the bitterness grows. Eventually, one night in a hotel lobby bar, a comic makes a statement and all that growing rage comes out.
The rest of the show was stellar. People loved it and I loved it and we loved it together. The lady finally saw the error of her ways after an extensive, "You made the choices, now live with it" speech. I hope she is at home right now raising her three children in silence with a smile on her face. Remember, you choose parenthood and you can't bitch after the fact and if you are on kid three, you REALLY have no room, AT ALL, to bitch. I was making an ironic point for humor's sake and she was taking it too personally. Women - can't live with them, can't trade them in for a better one when you want too. One day women will see how good they have it and how good they could have it if they could just keep it to themselves. If they can't handle it, we have medications for you.
The next tour is all in Oregon and it's all hotel lobby bars.
In entertainment, there are different levels of venues and their meanings indicate where you are in entertainment: There is film and television, which will bring you money and fame on a level that I have never known. There is grand theaters, opera houses and both the Broadway and London stages. Each of these will bring you fame but only in the minds of gay men, overly dramatic women and old rich people that habitually go to the theater. I'm not knocking these groups, indeed it's these three groups are the majority of the system that sets the tone for all entertainment in the world. If these three groups don't like it, then it's garbage and most likely something that a NASCAR fan would love or staring Sly Stallone. There is the outdoor ampitheater and old legion halls, these are nice, mid-level, middle of the road stages. There are bars, clubs, juke joints, roadhouses, dives and slashes(restaurant slash bar, bingo hall slash roller rink, etc) these are making a living, but not really serious about it stages. And then there is the grandest of all venues - the hotel lobby bar. It's a cliche in entertainment and it's meant to describe the end of your career: "After ten years on television and I end up in this shitty hotel lobby bar." You get the idea. The only lower form is the coffeehouse, but this is self imposed by novices that don't know better or people who are desperate for attention and will go anywhere to be seen and heard, even a laundry mat.
My one man opus was in a hotel lobby bar and I made magic. The jokes came fast and furious. The laughter was deep and meaningful. The faces of those in attendence were contorted and looked to be in pain from all the belly laughter. The stage was smoking under a star filled sky. The booze was slick and the women were... Heard.
It seems that one woman was in NO mood for me, A feeling I have felt for other people from time to time and I have inspired in others before. In fact, I would say that most people feel this "mood" when they meet me. I have that aura about me. I dont' know what it is. This woman was really in a new space with this mood and she was taking it further than any other mood aflicted person that I had ever met before. I guess she just didn't want to sit there and take it and seeing as there was no coffeehouse nearby for her to go and let it all out, she decided to speak up. Not something that is very healthy for the weaker sex to do when they are sauced up.
In the middle of my bit called, "Why women are never going to be equal to men" - which is hysterical - I heard a voice from the darkness of her heart cry out, "How can you disrespect women. You come from a woman." Of course, the latter comment is debatable, but I will give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she doesn't know my mother and was just generalizing. (Those that know me, know that I was raised by wolves and a big bear named, Blue) She went on to say, "Women are all powerful and we create life. Men have little to nothing to do with the creation of the world, just destruction."
In part, she is absolutely correct. However, her attitude about her lot in life needs some adjusting. Men are bad, and women are good. And it's cute when women say stuff, but it should be pretty and not ugly stuff that comes out of their mouths. Her family must hide their faces a lot. Poor thing.
Yes, women are pretty involved with the rearing of babies, but that doesn't quite make them the creators of the universe. I am willing to see them half way, but I am not willing to let them have more than that. Sadly, they do get shafted and they have to do all the carrying the baby around part. But that's the job of the female in most species. That's why we have women in the first place. Their crock pots. If there was another way to make babies, women would have a real hard time finding any equality at all. In fact, without the pregnancy thing, women would be pets or collectibles for men.
The fact that they do all the mindless "baby stuff" after it's born has more to do with the fact that they are so emotionally bonded to the little shit after having carried it around for so long. Again, a sad side effect of being a woman. I do know of cases were women are nothing but thrilled when the child is out and they never want to get close to it again. They hope instead that others will do that for them - nannies, au pairs, governornesses, their parents, babysitters. These women will grapple the child like a trophy if others are around to show it off too. So, there are kinks in the DNA sequence in some women. What should we do with these women?
If men are really not a part of the child bearing, or rearing process, then why do we have child support cases? I wish this lady would show up in every court room where a man is being raped for child support and tell the court how she feels. Perhaps she could show the mother in the case, "the light" and save the legal system a lot of time and money. If the world could only see that men have nothing to do with children and let the world evolve into peace and harmony. Alas, it is not meant to be, so I guess we men should go out and shoot at deer or foreigners.
Here are some things to think about that a former teacher gave me...
Stats:
Number of criminals from one parent(mother only) families - 1:3
Number of criminals from one parent(father only) families - 1:150
Cost of prosecuting crimes in America (one parent, mother only families) 650 million a year.
Cost of housing criminals in America (one parent, mother only families) 3 Billion a year.
Cost of the average marriage in America - $4000.00
Cost of the average divorce in America - $7000.00
Cost to delivery a baby in America - $6000.00
Cost of a box of condoms (12 pack) - $8.00
Cost spent to promote abstinence by the US government - 120 million a year.
Cost spent to prosecute "dead beat dads" - 94 million a year.
Cost spent to prosecute "dead beat mothers" - No known statistic available.
Cost spent by family services to mediate visitations - 230 million a year.
Cost for adoption - $11,000
Cost for abortion(national average) - $400.00
Cost to raise one child for 18 years in America (average) - $267,000 1999 stat)
Men do play a part in the birthing process as I tried to pointedly comment to this poor woman. Men, as I recall, Do have to take part in order for the whole process to begin. She said, "No they don't!" Now, she could have been referring to the whole "raising" process, I don't know. She's a woman, and she was talking in circles like "they" do. I was talking about the "conception" part, I don't think she understood me, poor thing.
It's true that women can make babies without men, but not without the secret special sauce that men carry around within them( If a woman does figure out a way to reproduce without a man, she's a lizard, an alien, or an amoeba). I like to call what men have the 13 original herbs and spices. A blend of goodies that make women go crazy and make men want to fight wars, kill deer and watch Sly Stallone movies. These little herbs and spices keep the world spinning and keep women down. As it should be. There is a delicate balance to the universe and trying to mess with man's good works will only bring everything crashing down and then where would women get their lipsticks? I guess she wasn't thinking about that.
The petty little female continued (where her husband was, I don't know. But I bet he is very embarrassed and ashamed. He should beat her). "Women are bitches. We are all powerful. Being a bitch is a good thing. Women are better than men. Don't mess with me or I will kick your ass in the parking lot."
I love a good ass beating as much as the next man. There is nothing cuter than watching a woman try to beat up a man with those weak little arms and that face filled with tears and frustration. OOOH!!! There is nothing more adorable than a woman scorned. Sadly, her comments were empty and she didn't dance with me in the parking lot after the show and the reason we didn't tango can be found in the point that I was making in the joke I was telling that set off her diatribe - Women are not equal to men because you can't beat a woman. Until it's okay to beat women, they will always earn two dollars less an hour. This will never happen.
I think that she knew that. I think women are both disgusted and pleased by the rules that are set before them. Most of them, they created: Treat me equal, but treat me like a woman. Treat me like a lady, but don't mess with me, I'm a bitch. Make love to me slowly and softly, or fuck me on the countertop in the kitchen and call me a cum slut. I look pretty in my tight dress that shows off my figure, why do men look at my tits when they talk to me? This lack of consistency can only mean one thing - Prozac diet on the horizon.
I have never heard a 14 year old boy say, "I want to raise this child, I think I'm mature enough." It's sad that men walk away from accidental parenthood, but most of the time, so should women. Sadly, too many people try to stick it out and then the bitterness grows. Eventually, one night in a hotel lobby bar, a comic makes a statement and all that growing rage comes out.
The rest of the show was stellar. People loved it and I loved it and we loved it together. The lady finally saw the error of her ways after an extensive, "You made the choices, now live with it" speech. I hope she is at home right now raising her three children in silence with a smile on her face. Remember, you choose parenthood and you can't bitch after the fact and if you are on kid three, you REALLY have no room, AT ALL, to bitch. I was making an ironic point for humor's sake and she was taking it too personally. Women - can't live with them, can't trade them in for a better one when you want too. One day women will see how good they have it and how good they could have it if they could just keep it to themselves. If they can't handle it, we have medications for you.
The next tour is all in Oregon and it's all hotel lobby bars.
posted by Daniel Loomis | 1:07 PM
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